F U, Penguin: Telling Cute Animals What's What [Paperback]

Matthew Gasteier (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: August 25, 2009

Attention, all you clumsy pandas, lovable puffins, huggable bunnies, and penguins that elicit ooohs and aaahs: The jig is up! We have lived under your furry fists for too long.

There is a cute and present danger lurking out there–in the wild, in the zoos, and sometimes even in our very own homes. Spurred on by the Cute Industrial Complex, these cuddly animals have taken over blockbuster films, inspirational posters, and computer desktops everywhere, further weakening the innocent civilians who are beguiled by these fuzzy frauds.

But you are stronger than them, aren’t you? Those soft bellies and wet noses are no match for you–and their free ride has just come to an end.

F U, Penguin is the rallying cry for those who choose to fight these power-hungry cute-mongers. Loaded with color photographs and hilarious commentary, this book will have you laughing out loud while it simultaneously saves you from the tragic fate of tossing yarn with big-eyed kittens and bottle-nursing baby pandas forever.

___________________________

"Finally, a book for the rest of us! Most animals go about our business without playing to the audience like the elitists exposed in these chapters.I wasn't sure how many more times I could hear about those great penguins and pandas and kittens before I started eating people... well, more people, anyway."—Jerry the Shark

"Penguins killed my parents, and they would not hesitate to kill me. I thank the Crustacean God for Matthew Gasteier, a true saint and a decent human being in a world filled with heartless penguin accomplices."—Dennis the Krill

"It's all true. We're the worst."—Anonymous Penguin

"The average dolphin is far beyond this level of vulgarity, but I could see how this would be a very enjoyable book for humans. I should remember to hand these out to some of my slower relatives at the common ancestor reunion."—Edward the Dolphin

"Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, this style of book is not something we are currently looking for. However, we wish you the best of luck with your human publishers!"—Danielle the Bear, Editor-in-Chief, Random Cave Publishing

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Book Description
Attention, all you clumsy pandas, lovable puffins, huggable bunnies, and penguins that elicit ooohs and aaahs: The jig is up! We have lived under your furry fists for too long.

There is a cute and present danger lurking out there--in the wild, in the zoos, and sometimes even in our very own homes. Spurred on by the Cute Industrial Complex, these cuddly animals have taken over blockbuster films, inspirational posters, and computer desktops everywhere, further weakening the innocent civilians who are beguiled by these fuzzy frauds.

But you are stronger than them, aren’t you? Those soft bellies and wet noses are no match for you--and their free ride has just come to an end.

F U, Penguin is the rallying cry for those who choose to fight these power-hungry cute-mongers. Loaded with color photographs and hilarious commentary, this book will have you laughing out loud while it simultaneously saves you from the tragic fate of tossing yarn with big-eyed kittens and bottle-nursing baby pandas forever.

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Amazon Exclusive: A Penguin Reviews F U, Penguin

Matthew Gasteier’s latest book is a humorous, if slightly vulgar, exploration of the human tendency to anthropomorphize animals and its effect on both parties. As an animal who is currently being anthropomorphized by Gasteier myself, I thought the message was a bit lost in all of the comedy and full-color photographs. However, the average human will find the book to be very funny.

Based on his hit blog of the same title (though fully spelled out on the anything-goes internet), F U, Penguin includes 100 posts, one-third of which are entirely new. With an introduction for the book, plus forewords for all five sections (which include penguins, pets, and ugly animals), and facts about each animal, the new material adds up to about half the book, making it a worthy purchase even for the long time human reader of the site.

Granted, I only learned how to read last year, but since becoming a book reviewer for Amazon I’ve read quite a few animal-related books, and this was one of the strongest. While many of the facts are shaky at best (e.g. I’ve known quite a few seals, and they are always careful to only go to parties to which they have been invited), they are interesting enough to keep coming back for more. Obviously, as a penguin I have some issues with the “cold hard truths about penguins.” These sidebars take long-disproved stereotypes about penguins and recite them for comedic effect. At one point, Gasteier says penguins purposefully invite you to their wedding just to get a present because they know you can’t afford to attend. Quite frankly, I was rather disappointed he didn’t come, and his handmade pottery was no consolation, believe me. The section does not ruin the experience, but it’s a rare but disappointing misstep in a book that otherwise tries to stay light-hearted and fun.

It might be surprising to some that a penguin would respond well to a book that is ostensibly so derogatory towards penguins. But it’s clear that the character Gasteier has created really loves the penguins deep down, and is struggling to deal with that vulnerability. I remember my first crush on a penguin. Her name was Suzie and she smelled like seaweed. I used to stare at her while we stood on the beach. Once, she came over to talk to me, but instead of telling her how much I liked her feathers, I mumbled something about her preponderance of blubber in front of my friends to show I was tough. It hurt me, perhaps even more than it hurt her, but I didn’t yet know how to love, so I was pushing her away. Gasteier’s humor is that same kind of coping mechanism. I choose not to condemn, but to sympathize--a strong lesson in these rough economic times.

Overall, F U, Penguin is an enjoyable irreverent jaunt through the animal kingdom. While perhaps not quite as funny as John Audubon’s satirical masterwork, The Birds of America, Gasteier’s work will have you begging for more. Highly recommended. --A Penguin

Review

“[F U, Penguin] takes a long, hard look at superadorable puppies, monkeys, sloths, and moose–and tells them, in no uncertain terms, to get f–ed. Needless to say, it’s our new favorite website.”—Very Short List

“Cuddly animals get their comeuppance.”—Associated Press

“[The blog] is the ultimate antidote to puppycams.”—Wired magazine

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 240 pages
• Publisher: Villard; Original edition (August 25, 2009)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0345518160
• ISBN-13: 978-0345518163
• Product Dimensions: 6.2 x 0.6 x 9.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (23 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #34,386 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Matthew Gasteier is the creator of the popular blog, fupenguin.com, which is the basis for this book. He lives in Watertown, Massachusetts. Some of his best friends are penguins.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

13 of 13 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Someone had to stand up to these animals!, September 24, 2009

By 

Mary Folley "M Folley" (Charlotte, NC) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: F U, Penguin: Telling Cute Animals What's What (Paperback)

I bought this book as a gift for a friend's birthday. Lucky for me, someone else had also given her the book. I was able to quietly slip the FUP portion of my present out of the gift-bag, and I greedily kept it for myself! The friend in question had originally introduced me to the FUP website, which regularly makes my day by making me laugh out loud. I am not talking about just a giggle or a chortle. I am talking about milk-coming-out-of-your-nose-during-junior-high-lunch kind of laughter. Mr. Gasteier's recent blog challenge of a hyrax to a throw-down actually caused me to fall out of my chair laughing. Mr. Gasteier has delivered a delightful bound version of his sarcastic takes on cute animal photos. His bravery in the face of their incessant adorableness is to be lauded. Buy this book for anyone with a sense of humor, no fear of swearing, and a healthy disdain for things best described as 'precious.'

12 of 13 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The perfect gift for anyone who understands sarcasm and also loves animals, September 20, 2009

By 

Mary Rawson (Aurora, CO United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: F U, Penguin: Telling Cute Animals What's What (Paperback)

I've been reading the blog for a while, but this book is even more hilarious! The author's "schtick" is that he resents the power of cuteness that animals have over us, so he gives them the gripe-out they deserve. Yet in the end, the author always succumbs to the power of the cute.

Helpful tips about each animal included, to help us avoid their manipulative cute propaganda.

A must have, and the type of picture book that you'll read over and over. Since each 2-page spread has an image and text about one animal, you can start and stop reading without losing any value.

I like to read this over breakfast, so I can get my day started with my three favorite things: Cute animals, foul language, and sarcasm.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Hilarious, June 15, 2011

By 

antmlover96 - See all my reviews

This review is from: F U, Penguin: Telling Cute Animals What's What (Paperback)

I read this while sitting on the floor at Barnes and Nobles. My friend pulled it out, because she liked the title, haha, and I flipped to a random page. This page bashed those adorable squirrels! This is a cute book, but has ALOT of bad language, i read f*** like 5 times on on page, just in a small paragraph! I enjoyed it, but its defiantly for dark senses of humor!