People Skills: How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts (Paperback)

by Robert Bolton (Author) "Many people today yearn for warm, positive, meaningful relatedness to others, but seem unable to experience it..." (more)
Key Phrases: collaborative problem solving, assertion message, descriptive recognition, Elegant Solution, Increasing Your Assertive Options, Listening Is More Than Merely Hearing (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Product Description

A wall of silent resentment shuts you off from someone you love....You listen to an argument in which neither party seems to hear the other....Your mind drifts to other matters when people talk to you....

People Skills is a communication-skills handbook that can help you eliminate these and other communication problems. Author Robert Bolton describes the twelve most common communication barriers, showing how these "roadblocks" damage relationships by increasing defensiveness, aggressiveness, or dependency. He explains how to acquire the ability to listen, assert yourself, resolve conflicts, and work out problems with others. These are skills that will help you communicate calmly, even in stressful emotionally charged situations.

People Skills will show you
* How to get your needs met using simple assertion techniques
* How body language often speaks louder than words
* How to use silence as a valuable communication tool
* How to de-escalate family disputes, lovers' quarrels, and other heated arguments

Both thought-provoking and practical, People Skills is filled with workable ideas that you can use to improve your communication in meaningful ways, every day.

About the Author
Robert Bolton, Ph.D., is president of Ridge Consultants in Cazenovia, New York, a firm that specializes in improving human performance in industry, health care, education, and government. His staff has taught communication skills to thousands of managers, salespersons, first-line supervisors, secretaries, customer-relations personnel, teachers, members of the clergy, health-care workers, couples, and others.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 324 pages
• Publisher: Touchstone; Later Printing edition (June 1986)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 067162248X
• ISBN-13: 978-0671622480
• Product Dimensions: 7.7 x 5.5 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars See all reviews (43 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #4,810 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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  #2 in	Books > Nonfiction > Social Sciences > Sociology > Social Situations
  #10 in	Books > Reference > Words & Language > Study & Teaching
  #13 in	Books > Reference > Words & Language > Communication

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

61 of 63 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Good ideas although too verbose, December 14, 2003

By	Shannon Gaw (Roswell, GA USA) - See all my reviews

"People Skills" is a primer on interacting with others. Bolton's premise is that our communication patterns are inherently faulty and he urges the reader adopt his framework to remedy. He presents - in order - listening skills, assertion skills, conflict-resolution skills, and collaborative problem solving skills, with each building upon the others. He blends keen insight into human nature, concepts of psychology and basic Judeo-Christian values into what appears to be a very effective methodology. The skills seem obvious, but in practice are rarely used, and in fact are rather uncomfortable when trying to start using.

I found Bolton's framework very valuable and thus far see its application can profoundly improve my own people skills in both a business and parental setting. Unfortunately, like most books of this type, the text is extremely verbose. Bolton possesses a style that is much less dry and wordy than many of his peers - in fact, I find it difficult to finish most of these types of books - but the ideas plus examples could have been distilled down to one-half the length of the 300 pages. The text is also very well referenced and footnoted, but - as a lay reader - I think the constant crediting other psychologists and philosophers confuse and muddy the message. This could be a book that one could return to periodically to refresh their skills, but its length will prevent the less diligent. I found myself taking detailed notes on each chapter for later referral; while a testament to the material, I wish the author had made it easier to digest.

50 of 52 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Brilliant work, May 13, 2000

By A Customer

I have gone through the other reviews and I disagree with the criticism a few of them show. I have so far read over 30 books on people-communications skills and relationships, and I believe this is one of the best. It is unique in its approach, ethical, very easy to read and, more importantly, it works. It absolutely works. I was pleasantly surprised for the results when applying the techniques. It is one of those books you read and re-read. Interacting with others successfully is one of the most difficult, yet rewarding aspects of life. I honestly think this book, if taken seriously, can dramatically improve that interaction. I have only endorsed five books in Amazon.com (Being an avid reader, I have bought and read about 120 during the last three years), and this is one of them.

37 of 41 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Should be a mandatory read for everyone...period!, August 18, 2002

By	D. Grendahl "Seeker" (Port Ludlow, Washington USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

I have more books than I can count on all of my appendages regarding communication & relationships. I use them all, but this one book has pulled it all togther for me showing me that my problem really boils down to my not being 'assertive.' I grew up in a religous family and was taught that I must always take care of others before myself...that anger was bad, etc. I now 'see' it clearly for what it is and health is now coming back to my being. I've purchased two of these books and use one to loan out to others. If I thought it would do any good, I'd get one for each member of my family, but the saying holds true, "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink." Too bad.