The 16 Differences That Make a Difference 1. Sex drives/sexual interests/demonstration of affection - how often do you like to have sex? How important is sex to you? How do you express your sexuality? Do you like to hold hands? How adventuresome are your sexual interests? Do you agree on birth control issues? 2. Age - The closer you are in age, the closer interests of your era will be. Age is related to many of the other characteristics. 3. Health and fitness, including the habits of smoking, drinking, or using drugs - Will your partner share in taking good care of them? Will your diets and levels of activity be similar? Will your health habits be acceptable to you and conducive to the level of health you desire for your family? 4. Where to live - Can you agree on where to live? Careers, families, health, allergies, have an impact on where to live. 5. Education/Intelligence - Can you talk to each other with interest? Do you like to discuss the same things? Can you understand each other? Do you want to spend the same amount of time on intellectual pursuits? 6. Lifestyle (Formal versus Informal) - Do you like to take off your shoes and put your feet up? Do you like everything in its place or is your home some place to let your hair down? Would you rather entertain at a backyard barbecue or a dinner party? Are you child and family oriented or career and philanthropically oriented? 7. Views about work/Level of ambition - Do you have equal levels of ambition and will you work similar hours? Can you balance work and pleasure? 8. Views on how to handle and spend money - How do you want to spend, save and invest? Can you agree on short- and long-term financial goals? What meanings do you and your prospective partner attach to money? Can you both talk about money without conflict? 9. Expectations of marriage/relationship - Do you want to spend the same amount of time with each other? Do you want to be best friends or share confidences with other best friends, too? Do you agree on roles of men and women in marriage? 10. Physical characteristics attractive to you - You still have to have some magic. Chemistry is vital, but chemistry without matching on the other characteristics will soon wear thin. Chemistry often deepens as you build a compatible history with each other. Do you like the way they look? What about looks are important to you? 11. Religious beliefs and practices - Religion itself isn't the issue here. Your beliefs and practices are the issue. What are your religious beliefs and practices? Can you relate to your partner's beliefs and practices? Do your beliefs and practices ask your partner to abandon their own guiding principles or vice versa? Will your practices cause undue problems with extended families? Will blended practices cause support or confusion for children? 12. Political beliefs and practices - What you believe isn't the issue. Whether your ideas blend and provide enhanced support in your marriage and family is the issue. Does what your partner believes politically ask you to abandon heartfelt values of your own? Are they more or less interested in politics than you? Political beliefs reflect other values, if you've given them some thought. Will blended beliefs support or confuse your children? 13. Children - Do you both want children? The same number and at the same times? How will you raise your children? What roles do each parent play? How will you discipline? What's your parenting style? Can you be supportive of each other in a united effort to transmit common values? Have you seen each other interact in circumstances where you can see how your prospective partner behaves with children? 14. Life stage - will you be ready to have children at the same time? Will you be working on your career and raising a family at the same time? Will you be able to reach your financial goals at the same time? Will you be able to retire together? Are you busy with the same tasks in life at the same time? 15. Common leisure interests - after preparing for work, work, and the business of life, there isn't much time left over for anything else. Intimacy depends on attachment and bonding; building a history together. Fun offers relief from the work of life. If you don't spend time together you won't build your bond. Do you do things together? Do you have fun together? Do you like to spend time with each other? Do you have the same leisure interests? Do you want to spend the same amount of time, energy, and money on leisure? 16. Energy levels - Do you have the same amount of energy with which to work and play? Do you have that energy at the same time of the day as your partner? Unless his or her energy level is related to something about health that can be changed, you can't change someone's energy level. Is your energy introverted or extraverted? Do you spend you energy on mental and intellectual pursuits or physically? Can you each be a companion to the other? Follow this guide and find your perfect partner. For a complete discussion of the unique ideas these authors have about marriage that is full of hope, see the description of Perfect Partners: Make Your Hopes & Dreams For A Great Marriage Come True at Amazon.com.
Book Description
* 90% of 70 million people want to be married * 91% believe marriage tales a lot of hard work * 88% say that if they knew how to find the right partner, they would do whatever it takes Perfect Partners: Find Your Perfect Partner Step-By-Step is a companion workbook to Perfect Partners: Make Your Hopes & Dreams For A Great Marriage Come True. This workbook is designed to guide singles through the patent pending process of finding their perfect partner. This workbook turns dating into action with a purpose rather than a romantic accident. Finding your perfect partner depends on knowing who you are in regard to 16 differences that make a difference and then selecting a partner that matches you closely on these 16 core values. All of these differences challenge your or your partner's integrity when compromised or negotiated, causing someone to abandon their values. The workbook assists you to prepare yourself for dating with a purpose and with the dating process.
Editorial Reviews
Review
"What's the best way to decrease the divorce rate? Pick your partner well! The authors make a great case that even the best communication skills and desires for intimacy won't create a happy relationship if you're mismatched with each other. They give us a solid sixteen signpost map of potential matching or mismatching, and let you score yourself on it. OK, most of you are married and don't need this, but this is a must gift for any single person who wants to be married. Following these steps could change people's lives - for the (much) better!" -- Marriage Magazine, July/August 1998
"According to Carolyn and Wes Huff, 90% of 70 million single people want to be married and 50 million are already in troubled marriages. So, come July 4th, they're publishing Perfect Partners (24.95, Empowerment Solutions, 550M Ritchie Hwy., Suite 142, Severna Park, MD 21146) which offers lots of good advice on the subject of finding that right person for you. If you're serious about finding a partner, read this book first!" -- Alan Caruba, Bookviews, June 1998
"Don't all marriages take a lot of hard work? I mean, no one is perfect." -- K.R. - as she learned about deciding who to love...
"I've been waiting all of my sexual life for someone to tell me this." -- T.A. - After reading our personal example of great sex...searching for his Perfect Partner.
"It's so simple. Why didn't I think about this before?" -- M.F. - Learning about our ideas for the first time.
"The thing that strikes me about your book and the information you provide on your website is that there's so much hope. Your ideas about marriage are filled with hope." -- Sunny DeVese - WNAV, Annapolis, MD Talk Show DeVese on Divorce and author of The Divorce Manual, Clark, 1996
"This book changed my life. I was 'just' dating for 10 years. Now I've been with someone six months and so far so good. I never thought about finding the right person this way before." -- M.B. - looking for his perfect partner...
"This is a really great book. I love this book. It's action oriented and practical and very helpful. So many other books are about theory and they're so esoteric. This book is practical." -- L.L. - deciding whether to stay or to leave her troubled marriage.
I didn't take these 16 differences seriously enough. I'm going to have to go back over those. They really make a difference." -- K.S. - Trying to decide to stay or leave her troubled marriage.
"According to Carolyn and Wes Huff, 90% of 70 million single people want to be married and 50 million are already in troubled marriages. So, come July 4th, they're publishing Perfect Partners (24.95, Empowerment Solutions, 550M Ritchie Hwy., Suite 142, Severna Park, MD 21146) which offers lots of good advice on the subject of finding that right person for you. If you're serious about finding a partner, read this book first!" -- Alan Caruba, Bookviews, June 1998
"Don't all marriages take a lot of hard work? I mean, no one is perfect." -- K.R. - as she learned about deciding who to love...
"I've been waiting all of my sexual life for someone to tell me this." -- T.A. - After reading our personal example of great sex...searching for his Perfect Partner.
"It's so simple. Why didn't I think about this before?" -- M.F. - Learning about our ideas for the first time.
"The thing that strikes me about your book and the information you provide on your website is that there's so much hope. Your ideas about marriage are filled with hope." -- Sunny DeVese - WNAV, Annapolis, MD Talk Show DeVese on Divorce and author of The Divorce Manual, Clark, 1996
"This book changed my life. I was 'just' dating for 10 years. Now I've been with someone six months and so far so good. I never thought about finding the right person this way before." -- M.B. - looking for his perfect partner...
"This is a really great book. I love this book. It's action oriented and practical and very helpful. So many other books are about theory and they're so esoteric. This book is practical." -- L.L. - deciding whether to stay or to leave her troubled marriage.
I didn't take these 16 differences seriously enough. I'm going to have to go back over those. They really make a difference." -- K.S. - Trying to decide to stay or leave her troubled marriage.
From the Publisher
The Perfect Partners books bring readers fresh and useful ideas - practical ideas that can help people live happier lives. If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten. But a 50% divorce rate isn't good enough. The time has come to add something beyond what is typically written about fixing broken relationships or making the best of what you have - or worse - dismissing marriage altogether. Carolyn & Wes Huff have addressed what they believe is the answer to dramatically reducing this unacceptable divorce rate and thereby reducing all of the attendant miseries. They believe that great cultural and individual good can come of strengthening marriage. It is the goal of Empowerment Solutions, Inc. to help them spread the word.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
A real eye-opener,
By A Customer
This review is from: Perfect Partners: Find Your Perfect Partner Step-By-Step (Paperback)
Despite an earlier review, there's nothing even vaguely pornographic in the book that I could see. Instead, the Huffs provide a good deal of thought-provoking prose, surrounding their list of sixteen areas in which they think a couple *MUST* agree for a marriage to be successful. I don't know for sure if every one is a show stopper, but if you're missing on more than a few...Most books about the <ahem> marital arts take the premise that bad communication is what makes marriages fail - that if you can communicate better, and understand the mars/venus stuff, you can fix any marriage. The Huffs believe that even with perfect communication, even the most caring couple will have a marriage that is at best mediocre if they're mismatched on key issues... that marriage needn't be hard, *if* its with the right person. This is a wonderful breath of fresh air for anyone who's been struggling for years, trying to figure out what they're doing wrong. Maybe it isn't you. Read, enjoy, learn.
3 of 4 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
This is a soft core pornography with common sense advice.,
By A Customer
This review is from: Perfect Partners: Find Your Perfect Partner Step-By-Step (Paperback)
The guidance given in this book is very simplistic advice that any person with a modicum of intelligence and common sense could derive for him or herself. Also, the details of the authors' sex life are so explicit that I felt I was reading a soft core pornographic novel rather than serious advisory book. Due to the book's graphic nature, I had a difficult time respecting the advice presented. Finally, I do not feel that I gained any relationship knowledge from this book that I did not already possess.
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