Customer Reviews

The Perfect Sister: What Draws Us Together, What Drives Us Apart

5 star:		(2)
4 star:		(1)
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Marcia Millman tackles a emotionally fraught bond- that of sisters. I found her approach intriguing-using oral history, interviewing the sisters separately. The wake-up call for me was seeing how differently the sisters viewed their roles, family, relationships, and even basic details of their family history. This really struck a nerve in my own sister relationship, which I value greatly but has not been without challenges. Her advice to accept your sister's history and to move on from there was valuable. There is no need to set ledgers straight; accept her right to have a different perspective. After reading so many stories, the thread came across- the sister relationship is important in how we view ourselves and our family. It's not just about jealousy and sibling rivalry-at some time it may be one of your only connections to your family, so it's important to study and pay attention to this often-dismissed relationship. Marcia Millman has let her subjects speak, and provided important insight without being overbearing.

Millman doesn't believe "the perfect sister" exists, although she does describe a few who come very close. I found this book a curious mix of discussions about types of sisters (The Outsider Sister, The Wishful Sister)and lengthy biographies of families, rather than siblings. I wanted to read more about the sisters and less about the mothers and fathers who created them because, as the author admits, "sisters play a huge role in our childhood and identities."

I was given this book by my sister (both of us in our fifties and "close"). It had great insights / suggestions to assure a gret relationship such as to recongize that I am NOT my sister and had very different experiences and feelings about growing up in the same family. I bought a copy for each of my aduly daughters who each have two daughters - so they could be aware of how their mothering impacts the curent and future relationship of thier girls.

Sisters are a complicated relationship: though they may grow up together, their personalities and perspectives may be totally different. Author Marcia Millman spent hundreds of hours interviewing sisters to examine how their bonds were formed and how they changed throughout life: Perfect Sister considers what makes adult sisters close - or not - and how sister sibling bonds and rifts form.