The Perfect Stranger: The Truth About Mothers and Nannies [Hardcover]

Lucy Kaylin (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 29, 2007

Lucy Kaylin has written a book that begins with the watershed moment in a mother's life--when she decides to hire a proxy to care for her children. Given that it's not only affluent women who turn to nannies anymore, this arrangement is also a watershed in the history of women's rights. Women now have choices. And therein lies the problem. Having choices has forced women to confront their feelings about motherhood and work, and to make difficult decisions requiring wrenching sacrifice. It's a murky, ambivalent time, and nowhere is that ambivalence more acutely expressed than in a working mother's relationships with her children's nanny, who serves such a precious function in the private space that is the family home. Lucy Kaylin, an experienced journalist who has interviewed prominent newsmakers of every stripe, isn't afraid to ask the tough questions to get to the heart of this complex relationship. She looks at the nanny/mother relationship from both sides. As a working mother who hired a babysitter of her own, she knows the process intimately. Kaylin exposes both the great joys and the difficult emotional issues that play out when working women invite perfect strangers into their homes to help care for their children.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

The rift between stay-at-home mothers and working mothers continues to be played out in the media, and Kaylin (the executive editor for Marie Claire and author of For the Love of God) deftly focuses on the women who make it possible for working mothers to continue their careers and leave the raising of the children (and the running of the household) to a stay-at-home substitute: the nanny. Part how-to and part plea for absolution from the guilt... that comes with enlisting the help of a nanny, Kaylin's primer is for women faced with finding a modern-day Mary Poppins. Kaylin speaks from her own experience and includes interviews with nannies and mothers alike (primarily in New York City), so the book abounds with anecdotes to soothe some mothers' worries while stoking the fears of others. Wage, class and race issues are all duly addressed, but the book's primary focus is the ambivalent relationship between mother and nanny, fraught with vacillating emotions of fear, mistrust, love, dependence and subtle struggles for power that rival those in any workplace. Kaylin keeps a brisk pace throughout the book, which is laced with true confessions (including what some mothers discovered through the use of a nanny-cam, a hidden video camera) and provides a valuable resource to any mother facing the challenge of hiring, well, herself.
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Review

"The SAHM vs. WOHM debate is an active one...Magazine editor and mother Lucy Kaylin explores this complex relationship in her new book, "The Perfect Stranger: The Truth About Mothers and Nannies." After speaking with mothers, nannies and babysitters, Kaylin outlines the challenges, joys and emotions from both sides of this intimate issue."  --Urban Baby
 
"[A] frank, humble and big-hearted account of one of the most fraught aspects of modern motherhood...Grippingly but not giddily, Ms. Kaylin...fill[s] readers in on the Cheerios-begrimed true history behind the parodies, demonstrating that most nannies are not hired by socialites in white-glove buildings, but by cash-strapped working women, who turn over to them a substantial portion (sometimes all) of their earnings."  --New York Times
 
"Straightforward and engaging…Kaylin is a superb reporter, and her anecdotes ring true on both sides of the equation--the underpaid, overworked babysitter is given as much respect as the ambivalence-ridden, well-meaning mom. What Kaylin has accomplished here is a soul-opening portrait of this murky relationship that any working mother will relate to and find oddly uplifting for calling it like it is."   --O Magazine
 
"The nervy Lucy Kaylin bravely dares to confront the emotionally fraught relationship between mothers and The Perfect Stranger (Bloomsbury) they pay to nurture their children."   --Vanity Fair
 
"Kaylin addresses [the] controversy without flinching...taken as a whole, her book is more well-crafted collage than polemic -- a portrait of the uneasy symbiosis between less-than-loaded two-income families and the 'unprecedented influx of women from economically unstable places,' of villageless mothers doing their best to raise a child…Absolution, she can't promise. But the book should at least serve as a big, huge greeting card to mothers who hire nannies." -Salon
 
"Provides a valuable resource to any mother facing the challenge of hiring, well, herself."  --Publishers Weekly

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 240 pages
• Publisher: Bloomsbury USA; First Edition edition (May 29, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1582344078
• ISBN-13: 978-1582344072
• Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.6 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (5 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #325,032 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

9 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Not just for working mom's -- anyone who has help in raising thier kids will LOVE this book!, June 24, 2007

By 

mom23boys "mom23boys" (Minneapolis) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)   

This review is from: The Perfect Stranger: The Truth About Mothers and Nannies (Hardcover)

I can't tell you how many times I laughed out loud while reading this book! It seems to be marketed towards working mom's but I am a stay-at-home mom with 3 kids under the age of three (we have a part time nanny) and I still felt as though I related to every word in this book. It is written with hilarious wit -- some parts truly hit home and were so funny that I actually marked the page to read again in the future just to give me a laugh. The book brings to light all the things that as a mom (working or stay-at-home) overwhelms and worries us as we try to stay sane while caring for our children and hiring help to give us "a break". The best is that the book points out the comedy and humor in all of it along with exploring the working relationship we have with our children's nanny's/regular babysitters.

If I had to find something "bad" about the book -- it does seem to get a little wordy in the middle and the author seems to loose the wit and humor that got me pouring into the book. It also occasionally paints a stereotypical portrait of working mom's on the extreme side. For example -- the author states that when she took her kids to the park, even though she really didn't want to, she didn't know how to push them on the swings resulting in the youngest falling off... I thought that seemed at tad bit exaggerated. But when the book comes to a close the author picks back up her great wit and humor, leaving you smiling. Definitely read this book! You'll love it!

After you are done reading this book another great one that will have you laughing out loud is "What's the Matter With Mommy?"
What's the Matter With Mommy?: Rantings of a Reluctant Stay-at-home Mom

7 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Comforting for a new working mom, July 15, 2007

By 

Kate Pearl "SoPo Mom" (Chicago, IL) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Perfect Stranger: The Truth About Mothers and Nannies (Hardcover)

Perfect Stranger was refreshing and insightful. As a new mom returning to work, I was overwhelmed with guilt and nervous about employing a nanny. Lucy Kaylin's necessary book examined many of the emotions I was feeling and essentially comforted me. I was able to examine my conflicts and fears with tools extracted from the both the author's and others' nanny relationship experiences set forth in the book. While no nanny is perfect (though she must be a million different things), neither is any mom. I am confident now that together with my husband, our nanny and I will raise my son with love and laughter. As for my relationship with our nanny, as Kaylin points out, while the expectation is not that our nanny be my best friend, it is the mutual expectation that there be respect, fairness and honesty.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A must read for any mom thinking about or working with a nanny!, August 12, 2011

By 

The Brumms (Houston, TX) - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: The Perfect Stranger: The Truth About Mothers and Nannies (Hardcover)

I thoroughly enjoyed this book. I read it during the last few weeks of my maternity leave. It is insightful, tackling lot's of potentially difficult topics that invariably come up when working with a nanny. It helped me anticipate potential difficulties both with emotions and common challenges navigating this important relationship. I will be gifting this book to any friend thinking about or working with a nanny.