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Perfection: A Memoir of Betrayal and Renewal [Hardcover]

Julie Metz
3.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (175 customer reviews)

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Book Description

June 9, 2009
"Heart-wrenching but triumphant."
--Glamour

"A lyrical, haunting, and utterly gripping memoir."
--Redbook

"A dark, evocative memoir from a woman forced to come to terms with her husband's death and the revelation of his infidelity."
--Shelf Awareness

"A fascinating memoir."
--People

"A delectable summer read."
--USA Today

"She brings refreshing candor to a startling, painful tale."
--New York Times

"A riveting memoir."
--Real Simple

"...lyrical, moving prose."
--Working Mother

"Metz's Perfection chronicles with lapidary precision one woman's climb back to happiness after not just a spouse's death, but also the shocking recognition that her life before that death was not what she had thought it was. The journey is a painful one, but Ms. Metz is much the stronger for having survived to recount it."
--Julie Powell, author of Julie & Julia

"Julie Metz's memoir of how her marriage unraveled after her mate's death is piercingly honest, haunting, and heartbreaking. Anyone who has ever been in a bad relationship will over-identify."
--Susan Shapiro, author of Five Men Who Broke My Heart and Lighting Up

"It is impossible to put Perfection down as we follow Julie Metz through her true story of love, lies, loss, and moving forward. Her raw and brave writing makes you want to cheer Metz on as she pieces her life back together, one beautiful sentence at a time."
--Marian Fontana, author of A Widow's Walk

"This aching memoir of love, loss, and deception is candid and compelling. I found myself rooting for Julie Metz in her search for a happy `second life.'"
--Hilma Wolitzer, author of The Doctor's Daughter and Hearts

Julie Metz's life changes forever on one ordinary January afternoon when her husband, Henry, collapses on the kitchen floor and dies in her arms. Suddenly, this mother of a six-year-old is the young widow in a bucolic small town. And this is only the beginning. Seven months after Henry's death, just when Julie thinks she is emerging from the worst of it, comes the rest of it: She discovers that what had appeared to be the reality of her marriage was but a half-truth. Henry had hidden another life from her.

"He loved you so much." That's what everyone keeps telling her. It's true that he loved Julie and their six-year-old daughter ebulliently and devotedly, but as she starts to pick up the pieces and rebuild her life without Henry in it, she learns that Henry had been unfaithful throughout their twelve years of marriage. The most damaging affair was ongoing--a tumultuous relationship that ended only with Henry's death. For Julie, the only thing to do was to get at the real truth--to strip away the veneer of "perfection" that was her life and confront each of the women beneath the veneer.

Perfection is the story of Julie Metz's journey through chaos and transformation as she creates a different life for herself and her young daughter. It is the story of coming to terms with painful truths, of rebuilding both a life and an identity after betrayal and widowhood. It is a story of rebirth and happiness--if not perfection.


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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

As recounted in this dark and affecting memoir, Metz's discovery of her husband's long trail of philandering well after he died reveals the state of willful ignorance and comfortable self-deception that reigned in her marriage. At their home in the northern suburbs of New York City on June 8, 2003, Henry, her husband of 13 years, suffered sudden cardiac arrest, leaving the author, a 44-year-old graphic artist, widowed and the sole caretaker of their six-year-old daughter, Liza. Initially unable to face the details surrounding his death, she left to her friends the task of cleaning out her dead husband's office, though those same well-meaning people hid from her the truth they gleaned from Henry's computer files and correspondence: he had been enjoying a two-year affair with another woman in their town, as well as numerous other dalliances. Metz, after the shock of Henry's death, found solace in shopping and flirting with a much younger artist, Tomas, who was also friendly with Henry; once Tomas intimated that Henry had another life, the author began digging, calling and e-mailing every woman she learned had had a relationship with her husband, obsessed with finding the truth. Metz's road to emotional honesty proves cautionary and trying. (June)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

About the Author

Julie Metz is a graphic designer and freelance writer. She lives with her daughter and partner in Brooklyn, NY. She is currently a recipient of a Macdowell Fellowship.

Product Details

  • Hardcover: 344 pages
  • Publisher: Voice; 1st edition (June 9, 2009)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1401322557
  • ISBN-13: 978-1401322557
  • Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 1.1 x 8.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (175 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #640,457 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Julie Metz is a graphic designer, artist, and freelance writer whose essays have appeared in publications including Glamour and Hemispheres magazines, and the online story site mrbellersneighborhood.com. The recipient of a MacDowell Fellowship, she lives in Brooklyn, New York, with her daughter and partner.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
61 of 69 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Open honest tale of heartbreak May 12, 2009
By A. Lee
Format:Hardcover
Whew, what is there to say about this memoir? It drained my emotions several times, and I mean that in a good way. Ms. Metz poured her heart out here, and it was hardly for naught.

Julie Metz is in her office when she hears a heavy thud. Continuing her work, she doesn't think much of it. Then all of a sudden, her mind rewinds and she itemizes all of the things it wasn't. She runs into the kitchen and finds her husband Henry on the floor. She calls 911 and breathes into him, but he cannot be saved. Over the course of the next few days, her house becomes a parking lot for friends and family to aid her and her 7 year old daughter Liza. She hears a woman in Henry's office shriek shrilly but doesn't think much of it, as immersed in her grief as she is. Yet it comes back to her later. Going through the motions of returning to her schedule for her daughter's sake, Julie can't eat, she isn't sleeping well and she's being visited by Henry's spirit.

Six months later, a friend of both Julie and Henry tells her that Henry was unfaithful. This revelation understandably cuts to the core, but it's just the tip of the iceberg. There wasn't one liaison, there were several. As there were several women. When Julie finds out just how close to home his betrayals came, her bite is sharp. As she digs through the evidence of infidelities of the man she thought she knew and gave herself wholly to, there is much fury, pain, and most surprisingly, a curiosity that seeks to understand and almost forgive him these slaps in the face from him. It's almost like she stepped out of the pain and hurt she felt to try to understand a reason for this need of his and forgive, in such a way that shows how lucky he was to have her and what a mistake he made in seeking solace and comfort elsewhere.

The third section of the book shows Julie trying to pick up and put back together the pieces of her life, delving into dating again. The shock of the new way of dating (ahem: Match.com) is shocking to her as she met Henry in 1986, and was married to him until 2003. The trials and tribulations of her dating explorations are something many of us may have felt if we've ever gone the path of words and email before an official meeting.

The memoir is heavy, no doubt about that. There won't be many laughs reading it, but there's not a bitter tinge to it you might expect from a topic like this. You root for her because she's genuinely likable and honest about herself, her shortcomings and flaws, and her better attributes. Ms. Metz was not throwing herself a pity party in writing her tale. I can only imagine and hope this was a cathartic therapy session for Ms. Metz
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43 of 48 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Title Says It All May 11, 2009
Format:Hardcover
Anyone who has ever had their heart broken over a spouse's extramarital affair must read this book. You think you had it bad? Julie Metz couldn't even confront her husband about his affairs, because she didn't find out about them until six months after he passed away in front of her eyes. She eschews the normal internal struggle to find a sense of closure and instead makes the process external, by tracking down each of the women he had been carrying on with in order to confront them. The resulting story is a heart-wrenching but beautifully told journey into a second phase of life that everyone should be lucky enough to find.
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57 of 66 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Brilliant April 28, 2009
Format:Hardcover
Reading "Perfection; A Memoir of Betrayal and Renewal" made me realize how many of us walk through our suburban streets totally unaware of what goes on behind the manicured hedges of our neighbors. Metz's memoir is a transparent peek inside one perfect neighbor's window. But a real neighbor. A real woman. A real family. Her book is an easy to read, hard to put down story of the experience of love, betrayal, and the ultimate re-examination of everything she thought she wanted. I couldnt put the book down as I followed her through her discovery process, not only of her husband's hidden past but also of her own desires.

As a psychotherapist specializing in relationships, I think this book is a realistic and well written account of what happens when infidelity cracks open everything one thinks is real. Buy the book today!
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
1.0 out of 5 stars Brilliant it is not.
Disingenuous. Why? The author portrays herself as an innocent victim, living in a bubble about her marriage when she is blindsided by betrayal. Read more
Published 1 month ago by Ren Eko
3.0 out of 5 stars Entertaining
It's hard to imagine that this sad story is true. The first half of the book is great but once the author begins to analyze things the telling drags.
Published 1 month ago by Doogiesmom
1.0 out of 5 stars Perfection
I read for a book club, I did not like it at all. Would not recomment to anyone.
I'm a librarian and love to read, but this book did nothing for me.
Published 2 months ago by Pansy Streit
4.0 out of 5 stars Well written
I found the book interesting and understand her reasoning for finding out about her husband's affairs. Read more
Published 2 months ago by MaggieMae
1.0 out of 5 stars Spoiled
Julie Metz should have called her book "Spoiled," a word which would have described her husband, her marriage, and herself. Read more
Published 6 months ago by chesapeake
4.0 out of 5 stars Brutally Honest and Interesting Memoir
Imagine if your husband dropped dead in his 40s ... leaving you widowed with a young daughter. Just that alone would provide fodder for a memoir. Read more
Published 7 months ago by Jennifer
4.0 out of 5 stars A modern Unbearable Lightness of Being
A modern "Unbearable Lightness of Being" strictly from the female point of view.

A quote from Norman Rush's Mortals: "Hell is another man putting his penis in his... Read more
Published 10 months ago by Kathryn C. Hogan
3.0 out of 5 stars A Harlequin book is a better read than this.
Our book club read this for our monthly selection. Three quarters of us attending thought this was just a trashy book with little or no substance. Read more
Published 12 months ago by Montana
2.0 out of 5 stars Bad Book Club Pick
We read this as part of a book club and the consensus was the same, not a fan. Three of the six didn't even finish the book. Yikes!
Published 13 months ago by Amy Dobson
5.0 out of 5 stars Perfection as true as the north star
I found this book amid the wreckage of my own marital meltdown. I went looking for a book that would address marital infidelity in ways that rang true and this is that book. Read more
Published 14 months ago by Colleen E. Boyd
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