Customer Reviews

Perfectly Normal: Living and Loving with Low Libido

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1 star:		(3)

 

 

This book is a must for any woman of any age who worries there is something wrong with her because she doesn't have hot, lusty feelings for sex, or who often finds breast or genital stimulation is a turn off rather than a turn on if she is not already relaxed and feeling intimate. It's nice to know this is "perfectly normal" for many women, and Sandra explains why so many women feel that way. She doesn't promise to have the solutions for you to get these lusty feelings, but then, as she says, no sex therapist can or should make this promise. Instead, she gently supports you to not be discouraged by this but to explore your own sexuality, and to find your own reasons for wanting sex. She shows you the way to break the vicious negative cycle you and your partner have been in, and to confidently build a good sex life together. Once you have read it, get your partner to read it as well.

I have never written a review of anything before and always wondered what motivated people to actually follow up and post something. This book was so absurd that I felt i needed to do something to warn the next person who is considering it. It does nothing but encourage more of the same behavior from low libido spouses and essentially tells the high libido spouse to take it or leave it. Nearly all of the anecdotes given in the book are designed to demonstrate what jerks men can be for wanting to have sex and ends with suggestions for the man to cope. Many of the examples suggest ending the relationship if the high libido spouse (read husband) does not learn how to live with little or no sex. I kid you not, one suggestion for coping was to have the low libido spouse rest her head "supportively" on the shoulder of her husband as they lay in bed while he masterbates. This and many other awful suggestions are given a new term "relationship sex" by the author who suggests no passion in a relationship can be a wonderful thing. Seriously? I also read The Sex Starved Marriage by Michele Davis, it is a better read and at least addresses the issue from both sides and recognizes that maintaining the status quo is a recipe for disaster.

This is the first book I have read on women's sexuality, of many read, that accurately described my sexuality, gently and clearly explained the aversive cycle my partner and I had shifted into, and put it all in a way that he could understand and relate to. It's probably going to take a while for us to heal, but I feel hope in a way I haven't for a long time. I had resigned myself to the quality of our sexual relationship being an impasse we had to accept. Thank you for writing this Sandra.

I think it's amazing that some so called mental health professionals give out advice to serve their own poor interests, but not those of half of their clients/readers. I believe Dr. Pertot falls into this category. Life can be lonely and a woman with low libido combined with poor sexual attitudes makes it more so.

Well written and a fast read. The content is excellent. Both low and high libido folks will appreciate the tips and explanations of the problems, conflicts, etc. A must read for couples fighting over mismatched libidos.

Dr. Pertot's experience counselling all kinds of couples shines through the entire work. And the most important word here is COUPLE; she never elevates one partner's viewpoint above the other, and she never forgets that her book is as much for men as for women.

One reviewer asserts that there is a lot of "man bashing" in this book. Well, I guess I missed that. I read the entire text, and I am not a woman. (Or at least no one has suggested that I am.) I loved the book; this writer absolutely nailed it.

Another reviewer suggests the book is too "touchy feely". I guess I missed that too, although all men are different. If you're a man, read the book and make your own decision. Your relationship is worth doing your own thinking, and I think you'll find that this writer understands your needs and offers tremendous help.

This book helped me understand my wife's libido fairly well. I also highly recommend Sandra's other book about Libido Types. These books together helped me clear up some misunderstandings I had about womens' sexualtiy. Because on the one hand you hear about women that are into sex and on the other hand you hear about how women need so many other needs met before they are interested. Well, I guess both opinions are right because as the author points out (I believe correctly) that there is so much more variety in womens' sexuality than in mens'. By the way the author claims to have 30 years experience as a sex therapist and it shows. She is thoughtful, reasonable, and even handed. She explains to us guys that by expecting your wife to have sex with you, you are actually turning her off more. This was a very important insight for me. Hopefully it will prove true.

Too touchy feely. I purchased it because it claimed to help women of all ages, not just post-menopausal women. (I am not post-menopausal)