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Be the Person You Want to Find: Relationship and Self-Discovery Paperback – September 1, 1997

ISBN-13: 978-0963625526 ISBN-10: 0963625527 Edition: English Language

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 228 pages
  • Publisher: Keep It Simple Books; English Language edition (September 1, 1997)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0963625527
  • ISBN-13: 978-0963625526
  • Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.4 x 0.6 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (26 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #186,535 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Cheri Huber is the author of 19 books, including There Is Nothing Wrong with You, When You're Falling, Dive,and Time-Out for Parents. She founded the Mountain View Zen Center in Mountain View, California, and the Zen Monastery Practice Center in Murphys, California, and teaches in both communities. She travels widely and often, leading workshops and retreats around the United States and abroad, most recently in Costa Rica and Italy. She founded Living Compassion in 2003, a nonprofit group comprised of There Is Nothing Wrong With You Retreats (based on the book); Global Community for Peace: The Assisi Peace Project; The Africa Vulnerable Children Project; and Open Air Talk Radio, her weekly call-in radio show originating from Stanford University. She lives in Murphys, California.

More About the Author

Cheri Huber is the author of 19 books, including There Is Nothing Wrong with You, When You're Falling, Dive,and Sweet Zen. She founded the Mountain View Zen Center in Mountain View, California, and the Zen Monastery Practice Center in Murphys, California, and teaches in both communities. She travels widely and often, leading workshops and retreats around the United States and abroad, most recently in Costa Rica and Italy. She founded Living Compassion in 2003, a nonprofit group comprised of There Is Nothing Wrong With You Retreats (based on the book); Global Community for Peace: The Assisi Peace Project; The Africa Vulnerable Children Project; and Open Air Talk Radio, her weekly call-in radio show originating from Stanford University. She lives in Murphys, California.

Customer Reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
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See all 26 customer reviews
This book really changed my outlook on life.
Christine Banting
I have read a number of Cheri Huber's books and have found them to be easy to read, very practical and entertaining.
Patrick D. Goonan
This book will teach you how to love yourself without the need for jesus.
Sandra B. G.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

70 of 70 people found the following review helpful By Joellen Corr on November 30, 2004
Format: Paperback
This is an amazing book with a powerful message... for those who are ready for it. This is labled as a "relationship" book however is not about changing anyone but oneself. In this little book, the author attempts to talk the reader out of trying to change others and into giving themselves the love you are seeking from someone else. Want caring, devotion and unconditional love?? Give it to yourself! One of her main "arguements" is that one can not feel anyway in a relationship that they do not feel out of a relationship. For example, if you feel lonely without a mate, once the initial "honeymoon" phase ends, you will again feel lonely, regardless of your mate. You change your perspective, increase your awareness, and then your expirience will change! Simple idea, not easy in practice. BUT definetly possible.

This book is empowering and suggests a mind shift. It gives YOU, the reader, the power to change your life, your reaction to life and, therefor, your feelings. This book is based on zen principle's, primarily that awareness is healing. I believe it to be life and relationship changing, if you allow it to be!!
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22 of 23 people found the following review helpful By Patrick D. Goonan on March 20, 2006
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This is a simple, well written book that explores "Being the Person You Want to Find" rather than finding a specific person to fill your holes. In other words, it's primarily about your relationship with the most important life partner you will ever have... YOURSELF.

If you think about it, you are your only 100% GUARANTEED life partner. This book is about looking at your beliefs, behavioral patterns and conditioning in a curious, gentle and open way toward the goal of having a comfortable relationship with yourself. The unspoken corallary to this might be and thereby... avoid projecting your stuff on to others and get involved with the wrong people unconsciously.

This book is indirectly about relationships because by being the person we want to find, we are most likely to attract healthy people who will treat us as we treat ourselves. This book also helps us to look at our conditioning as a whole, which serves our relationship goals by making our unconscious conditioning more conscious.

I have read a number of Cheri Huber's books and have found them to be easy to read, very practical and entertaining. She does not overwhelm the reader with detail, but she provides a lot of useful and practical tools for those brave enough to do deep inquiry. She focuses more on lived experience in the moment than in-depth discussion of theory.

All of Cheri Huber's books emphasize the importance of being compassionate with yourself, looking inward and accepting whatever the present moment brings. I would say that she emphasizes that HOW you do something is at least as important as WHAT you are doing. She also stresses the importance of a daily meditation practice in most of her books, without being preachy about it.
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21 of 22 people found the following review helpful By Christine Banting on November 3, 2004
Format: Paperback
This book really changed my outlook on life. It spells out specific things that we've all been conditioned to believe since we were young, and how those things are direct causes of unhappiness or suffering. It teaches you stop the cycle of letting the past or the future dictate your decisions in the present and your day-to-day life. The book makes you realize so much more than what I've just written. The revelations in it are truly invaluable. Whether you're religious or not, believe in fate or karma or not, single or not, you need to at least be exposed to what's in this book, and then you can decide if you want to embrace it and make your life easier and happier. It's very easy reading, should take the average person less than 2 hrs to get through.
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28 of 31 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on March 27, 2003
Format: Paperback
Hi,
I love Cheri's books. I find them to be WONDERFULLY enlightening, interesting, deep and profound, yet fun and funny. A FANTASTIC way to understand deep Zen teachings and apply them to every day life. The books "There is Nothing Wrong With You" and "Suffering is Optional" especially spoke to me.
I REALLY like the handwritten look text. It is both easy to read, and seems more "fun" somehow than regular book type. Her approach is very conversational and fun, and at times, humorous. She draws me in, and I don't want to stop reading (except to do the exercises).
I previously tried to read some of the Zen classics, by both oriental and western writers, but their writings just seemed to philosophical, too dry, too hard to understand and apply, not to mention too small type to read comfortably. I just happened on Cheri's books at my local bookstore. Once I read one, I was hooked! I've read 5 and counting!
This book is GREAT for solving your undesirable relationship patterns. It really helps one take responsibility for one's own happiness...neither looking to another for happiness or buying into "them" looking to you to "make" them happy.
I also highly recommend "If the Buddha Dated" and "If the Buddha Married".
Thank you Cheri!
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10 of 11 people found the following review helpful By Algernon D'Ammassa on August 7, 2002
Format: Paperback
Most of the old and familiar Zen resources deal with monastic life or the life of the hermit. Cheri Huber is a contemporary Zen practitioner, student, and guide sharing insights and coming just short of giving advice or instruction; and the information is not "Zen" or "spiritual" as much as it is, simply, sound.
This is an excellent, humorous, and enjoyably readable meditation on modern relationships and how to survive them; some ways in which we fail, and a suggestion of a way not to fail. The suggestion is that, no matter how perfect the person we have found seems to be, they aren't; and neither are we. The passion we are feeling, no matter how wonderful and exhilarating, does not offer us a waiver for understanding our true selves and doing the hard work of being with another person.
And yet, though we may call it "work," it need not be somber or bereft of playfulness and spontaneity.
There are some basic instructions for sitting meditation and beginning an awareness practice, as well as a lot of "right on" observations about the pitfalls (and the hard teachings) of being in relationship. Decorated with Cheri's characteristic doodles and sketches. Highly recommended.
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