Personal Village, How to Have People in Your Life by Choice, Not Chance [Paperback]

Marvin Thomas (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 1, 2003

Your most valuable asset is the people in your life. Does this sound familiar? You are so busy you don't have time for your friends. You get sick and no one shows up to help or express concern. You want someone in your life who really cares and knows who you are. You experience quick encounters as exciting, but at the end of the day you are still lonely. From your family to members of your congregation, to the people who deliver your mail or serve your coffee each morning, every person you know, every person you see is a part of your Personal Village. With this insightful, funny and approachable book as your guide, you can master the skills of getting closer with the people around you, of having people in your life ''by choice, not by chance.'' ''Too much is written about how to make money …too little is written about how to strengthen our personal communities,'' according to respected relationship therapist, Marv Thomas. To combat the many dehumanizing effects of 21st century life, he has created the everyman's guide to enriching our lives by establishing deeper connections with the people around us. In this groundbreaking book, PERSONAL VILLAGE, HOW TO HAVE PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE BY CHOICEE, NOT CHANCE, Thomas explains how to add real value to your life by forming deeper, more meaningful relationships with the people in your life that matter most.

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Marv Thomas's roots run deep in the strong farm family values of hard work and mutual support that were the backbone of his upbringing in the Pacific Northwest. Originally trained as an auto mechanic he started his early career building racing cars, became a skilled metal worker and eventually worked as a carpenter. At college he received a degree in Engineering after which he worked in the aerospace industry as a part of the team that sent the men to the moon. In 1966 Thomas earned a degree in Social Work and began practicing as a psychotherapist, group leader, organizational consultant, educator and personal growth trainer. In his nearly four decades in practice, Thomas noticed that many of the people who came to him probably would not need therapy if they had been connected with a strong personal circle of supportive people. It was this revelation that led him to focus his attention on the challenges of helping people create personal communities as a means of leading a more productive and fulfilling life. In addition to his commitment to psychological research and practice, Thomas has studied history, sociology, religion, philosophy, social psychology, and urban design. By l980 he had coalesced all these interests into the development of a practical working model for community. Since that time he has been at the forefront of community and communal studies, writing about, lecturing and presenting workshops on the enhancement of what he calls the Personal Village. Marv is well known as a teacher, lecturer, psychotherapist and group dynamics trainer. He can be serious, funny, engaging and is ever committed to leading his students to a deep understanding of how to be fully alive. Marv lives in Seattle with his wife of 43 years and has two grown sons.

Product Details

• Paperback: 257 pages
• Publisher: Hara Publising Group; 1st edition (September 1, 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1887542086
• ISBN-13: 978-1887542081
• Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (10 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #500,988 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

42 of 43 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Solutions for a Fragmented Society, July 17, 2004

By 

Rebecca Johnson "The Rebecca Review" (Washington State) - See all my reviews
(COMMUNITY FORUM 04)    (TOP 50 REVIEWER)    (HALL OF FAME REVIEWER)    (VINE VOICE)    (REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Personal Village, How to Have People in Your Life by Choice, Not Chance (Paperback)

"To achieve intimacy with another, we have to begin by listening." ~Marvin Thomas

Marvin Thomas has written a fascinating book on friendship in the modern world. He is a Seattle author who earned his Master's in Social Work at the University of Washington. Through his life he has experienced the beauty of friendship and observed patterns that feed our genetically encoded desires to find relationships. He has also seen the damage of isolation and explains how we can use the "Principal of Seven" to fill our world with friends.

While we continue to be enamored with technology, we have become more and more isolated and yet the desire for friendship is still a force that drives us to seek companionship in our environments. While Marvin Thomas agrees that computers amplify the mind, he believes we cannot thrive when isolated. He also explains:

The basic universal needs
The essential ingredients of a healthy community
Why relationships need to be tended to on a regular basis
How you can find friends with similar interests
What to ask someone new when you first meet
How to keep a friendship for life

Most of us seem to keep connected with friends and family through e-mails. Marvin explores this idea and explains how e-mail can be like a journal that talks back to you. While e-mail may encourage deeper contemplation because you have time to consider what you want to say, Marvin Thomas encourages real-life relationships where you can nourish your soul through face-to-face intimate relationships.

Throughout "Personal Village" I had quite a few good laughs and many moments of enlightenment. The reading resources and movie suggestions looked tantalizing. Each chapter ends with a summary and a resource section. I loved the mention of the "Mostly Martha" movie, one of my all-time favorite chef movies.

Since I have just moved to a new community, this book was a comfort to me in a time when I felt everything was new and I didn't know a soul. After reading this book, I found myself venturing out more into my community and unlike other times in the past, I actually ventured out early and with a sense of determination. The girls at Pier 1 were discussing Josh Groban (so we talked about the concert I reviewed), the lady at the post office gave me directions on how to get back home and everyone seemed most helpful. I met a neighbor after going out for a walk and the community I'm living in seems to be much more geared towards common areas where people can meet or walk.

The advice in this book works and will encourage you to participate more fully in your community. I learned so much about basic human interaction that I'd never considered before. Marvin Thomas has filled "Personal Village" with a lifetime of wisdom and a collection of interesting and inspirational ideas to enable you to live a fuller, more enjoyable life no matter where you live. After reading his book, you may even want to start a cozy coterie or salon. My heart is dreaming of a Mystic Beach mentioned in this book. Our hearts want to find a place where we are loved, needed and appreciated.

~The Rebecca Review

30 of 31 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Personal Village -- Helpful book, December 18, 2003

By 

[e-mail] (Seattle, WA United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Personal Village, How to Have People in Your Life by Choice, Not Chance (Paperback)

Personal Village is a terrific guide for anyone who has relocated, divorced, changed jobs, left a community of any kind and is now trying to reestablish themselves. I retired a few years ago and have found the ideas here to be what I was looking for.
Personal Village is a marvelous resource for anyone looking for help in gathering friends. The book is well organized, the ideas worthwhile. Chapter layout is clear, good summary and the list of materials is helpful.

18 of 20 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Reinforcing and celebrating lasting friendships, January 17, 2004

By 

Midwest Book Review (Oregon, WI USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Personal Village, How to Have People in Your Life by Choice, Not Chance (Paperback)

Personal Village: How To Have People In Your Life By Choice, Not Chance by expert relationship therapist Marvin Thomas is a do-it-yourself style "self-help" guide to resisting the dehumanizing and impersonal forces of the 21st century while establishing closer bonds with the people around us. Personal Village is especially recommended for offering a wealth of accessible, practical advice concerning avoiding destructive individuals; reinforcing and celebrating lasting friendships; and keeping our circle of friends diversified so that when change and loss occur we are not left alone.