Customer Reviews

The Peter Pan Syndrome: Men Who Have Never Grown Up

5 star:		(7)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

"In a culture with Son worship, the males never grow up and the Feminine is denigrated." (Margaret Starbird, The Woman with the Alabaster Jar) It doesn't matter that the book may be "unscientific." Just test the hypothesis against any of the immature 40-year old males that you know and you'll see that most of what the author says fits! Life provides the necessary scientific evidence! This book is a must-read for any woman who has had to deal with an immature male at the head of an institution. It will help you understand that you, as woman, are not the problem--the immature male is. However, the book can help you to discern where you are enabling the male's immaturity and dismissing it as "boys will be boys!" It's through women's awareness of this issue, and our willingness to no longer support the behavior, that these males will eventually grow. As long as they have admiring females around them worshipping their immaturity, they will always be Peter Pans.

I am able to say that because I myself experienced married to a man that fits 90 % of what Dr. Dan Kiley described in his book. When I got divorced from my husband, I was very shocked and could not believe of what had happened to me. I visited andrologist, priest, psychologist, psychiatrist just trying to understand `why' and `how' till I found a book called `Peter Pan Syndrome'. I bought the book because the title attracted my attention. When I read it, I was surprised that every detail Dr. Kiley described helped me understand how could that unbelievable experience happened without me being aware to any of it. It is probably difficult for anybody who has never experienced it to understand but for me it does help me quite a lot. Thank to Dr. Kiley for his marvellous work.

Of all I've read on Narcicism and relationships, this book is the best I've found. Most of the literature that I've seen is tailored for professionals, but this is written specifically for patients, their families and their partners. Kiley uses developmental specifics and case studies to create a usable image for those trying to understand narcicism and how it manifests itself in adolescents and adults. I highly reccomend it to anyone with an interest in this area.

Does your man:
Ignore you at parties while trying to impress other women?
Find it impossible to say "I'm sorry?"
Expect you to make love when he's ready, giving little thought to your needs?
Go out of his way to help his buddies but fails to do the little things that you ask?
Express concern for you only when you complain about his indifference?
Find it difficult to express his feelings?
Has a problem with alcohol?
Express chauvinistic attitudes?
Feel that he must never miss any fun with the boys?

If you answered "yes" to any of the above statements then your family member/loved one/friend might have this syndrome. For any woman who has had to or currently deals with a "Peter Pan" this book can really help. I was shocked to learn that the problems are actually prevalent in America. I honestly did find it useful in understanding the behavior of a friend of mine; I had fallen into the trap of believing that everything was my fault. Dr. Kiley's book helped a lot in understanding that part of "Peter's" immaturity can reveal itself in emotional abuse by piling blame on everyone else around him; especially the women in his life. Unfortunately, many of us would never want to believe "bad" aspects of the man because his normal "show" attitude is so amazing.

If you think that your loved one suffers from this, please read it. If nothing else it can help ease some of your frustration and make you realize that you are definitely NOT alone in dealing with these men and their problems. Hopefully it can give you some idea of where to start in helping both yourself and that man.

Kent gave this book a low rating because the book doesn't tell people how to FIX their Peter Pan man.

I was NOT shocked that the writer of this review was a man. Many men almost always want to fix things, even if they don't understand what is going on. Kent's silly review of this very good book shows just how simplistic unaware people can be.

Rule of psychology: NO one person can fix another person. If you are in a relationship and you are trying to fix the other person, you are wasting your time.

Second rule of psychology: A person needs to KNOW what is wrong with them and have someone show them the symptoms, so that they can identify their issues. Then the way to fix it, my Dear Kent, is to get that person to see a therapist and let the professional help you. You don't need to know how to fix it, Kent. If you had brain cancer, I would assume you wouldn't operate on yourself. I do think that you are the type that would never ask for directions.

All in all, the point of this is to negate Kent's super-ridiculous review of a very good book.

Ignore Kent and all of his machismo. I am a therapist, and I see men like Kent in my office all of the time. They never come on their own, their wives are just fed up with them.

I was married to a man that I could never figure out the way he reacted in his daily life. He was very much still dependant on his family for financially support; played well with children and animals. From my understanding he was put into a boarding home at age 2 years old--so, this may somehow interferred with his bonding with his mother and father that caused some of his problems. Later in his teen years and adult years he became a severe alocholic; an abuser to women and a person when his mother was not around dependant on other women. Would rather sat at home playing games all day long than working and when working would fantisize about being someone he was not; and tried to convince other people he was a zillionaire or should be treated as royalty.

I also have a brother who is like this; and I too do not know today how to deal with him,but, the book opened my eyes letting me know that I am not the one that is crazy nor the one with this snydrome. I would recommend the book to everyone; I just wish that Opral Winfrey would have Dr. Dan Kiley on her show so that the world could hear the Doctor speak on this syndrome and have a better understanding about the syndrome and the people they have to deal with on a daily basis who has this problem.

Just look at Michael Jackson and read this book--wow,surprise, surprise, Mrs. Jackson (mother of Michael) a book written about your son. And, maybe people will not look as Michael as so different any more:as there are thousands and thousands of men that have this syndrome. This syndrome does not make a bad person--it just means the person is still somehow caught in the time of his childhood and has never let go; for fear, security or whatever reason the person still feel safer is this part of his world. Who knows--Michael Jackson seems to be happy all the time. Anyway, read it people and understand the people better you deal with and quit calling them different and nutty. us tlove them for who they are. You can not change them. You can only support who they are and enjoy whatever time you can tolerate being around them.

The chance reading of this book stopped me from marrying "Mr. Wrong".. and opened my eyes to this syndrome which is just as common is women as men.
You can't change a person unless they are in diapers. Change yourself or accept them, warts and all.
I'd highly recommend this book and will give my copy to my daughter before she graduates from high school and goes out into the world.
Kudos for making it available again !

I ordered this book upon the advice of my shrink. It completely describes the man i have been wasting time in a relationship with for almost 2 years. I finally realize that I AM NOT CRAZY..it is this man with the peter pan syndrome.
The descriptions of peter pans are right on however, I didn't find any help in the section on how to deal with a person that has this syndrome. My advice is to dump the guy. Its not worth it!

This book is so readable I now know why I married four PPS men...they are so much "fun" in the beginning. However real life is not always "fun", so all the tough stuff is left to the people still around when "Peter" takes off to play.

The next book I'm going to read is "The Cinderella Syndrome." Gawd, I hope I don't find myself in that one.

Listen up all you single women (of all ages) out there: if "He" is too much fun...Run!

I am currently reading this book. Many of the behaviors describe my ex wife. Granted most of the "victims" suffering from this disorder are men. Women can be "Peter Pans" too. Every time I tried to point things out or voice my issues, I was the one with the problem. Hence, that is why she's my ex wife. I wish I'd had this with many of Dr. Laura Schlessinger's books and I'd have left her to her "Never Land".

From my amateur psychologist standing, this syndrome can also fall under codependency.