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Pieces of Pie: Surviving Love

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I open this book and find, standing alone on an introductory page, a quote from Henry James:

"Three things in human life are important.
The first is to be kind.
The second is to be kind.
And the third is to be kind."

And as I read on I realize that these words of Henry James are the perfect prologue to Pie Dumas' story. PIECES OF PIE, Surviving Love, is at heart an account of the author's pathway out of abuse and denial into first understanding, then acceptance, and finally into a place where she can show kindness to herself as a worthy human being.

Dumas begins by telling of a breakthrough moment in her healing. She has entered a weeklong retreat at the Caron Foundation, where her assignment is to share one secret a day with the group. "I was mortified to have been placed in Caron's adult children of alcoholics group. Despite my alcoholic boyfriend and a broken nose - the most visible reasons my therapist had referred me - I was a child of an alcoholic. And I really didn't have any secrets. I thought." She jumps right in, telling the group about a compulsion to steal that began when she was eight and continued into adulthood, of abusive relationships, numerous abortions and suicide attempts, and finally of giving birth at age seventeen to a baby girl who she gave up for adoption. She can't even remember "whether I'd laid eyes on her before saying goodbye." It is at this point that an older woman in the group touches her arm and says, "That must hurt very much." At first, Dumas stoutly denies this, but then, "as I looked in this nice woman's face, I didn't see the conviction I yearned for reflected back at me. Strangely, there were tears forming at the corners of her eyes. That's when something new and altogether unfamiliar happened: Tears began to well up in my own eyes. Feelings flooded into me that I could no longer hide. For the very first time, I started crying about the baby I'd been denying for twenty-one years."

From this stirring beginning, Dumas takes us back to her early childhood in Columbus, Ohio. Her father is George Dumas, a domineering man of Armenian descent. Her Swiss mother is a meek, nearly totally deaf woman who was raised in an orphanage. The young Pie and her mother are mere cogs in the wheel of George Dumas' successful import business - jewelry and novelties. She longs for a normal childhood and builds herself a haven from cardboard boxes in a back room and crawls inside to draw furniture and stick figures in an attempt to create a "normal" family. She wanders through her neighborhood at holiday time, peeking in windows at families enjoying dinner or sitting in front of a fire by a Christmas tree.

Her father habitually scorns her: "When he really wanted to make his point in a dramatic way, he would hurl insults at me and then spit a big wad of saliva in my face....it was unmitigated humiliation and agony - and the message he communicated would shadow me for decades to come, constantly nibbling at any semblance of self-worth I could invent." The most deeply hidden of Pie Dumas' secrets though, the one that drives her into violent relationships and self-hurt, and eludes her recognition for much of her life, is the sexual abuse her father wreaks on her from very early childhood. It begins in their home and continues through many road trips to state fairs where George Dumas hawks his imported wares and ill-uses Pie as a gofer, and into Pie's early adolescence during a whirlwind trip around the world. Dumas writes of the excitement of this journey - a ride on a runaway camel in Egypt, learning to drive on an icy Bavarian mountain road, being honored by the King of Thailand - and of her blossoming awareness of kinds of human misery other than her own, and of her own mortality.

Amid all this...and more...Pie's spirit survives. After the birth and adoption of her daughter and a disastrous brief marriage, she moves to New York to study and pursue a singing career. And then, finally, she begins the difficult journey to wholeness. In taut, direct prose, she unflinchingly relates the story of her passage from a self-mutilating victim who is addicted to damaging relationships to the vibrantly healthy woman she is today. She writes openly about the conflicting feelings she continues to face about the incest. And she works her way to forgiving her father for his maltreatment of her, and her mother for not protecting her - it's not clear how much her mother knew.

A joyful moment in Dumas' account comes when she searches for and finds her daughter Debbie. The young woman is of mixed race, born from the deep friendship that developed between Pie and a young black man when she was seventeen. This happy reunion includes becoming acquainted with a son-in-law and grandchildren she didn't know she had, and seems to have made her healing nearly complete. There have been some missteps in the growing mother/daughter relationship, but Dumas appears to be centered in the love that she has given herself permission to feel and determined to keep all doors open.

When I read PIECES OF PIE I have no doubt that Pie Dumas has learned to be kind to herself. She pens the following words when writing about the scars that are the left-over evidence of her self-mutilation; I think, though, they speak to the heart of this story: "Lately I've been allowing myself to kiss the imprints of the past."

Martha Hills
St John Sun Times

With much introspection and courage, author Pie Dumas has shared the trauma and joy of her abusive, privileged childhood. Growing up as the daughter of a wealthy, overbearing businessman, Pie let her true self fly away and became a pawn in her father's brutal, incestuous power play. The next several decades would be a slow, painful journey to the feeling, connected woman Pie is today. Gone is the insecure, bribing child desperate for the approval of parents, peers, and an audience. Today she lives a quiet life with her new family, two beautiful white shepherds named Skye and Nicky. Serving as a personal coach and sharing her memoir, Pieces of Pie, Surviving Love, Pie is using her own healing experiences to help guide others through the often shark-infested waters of familial life. Her book is an inspiration to all who want to live the best life they can live.

Once I started reading this book, I could not put it down. An absolutely stunning story! The most interesting part for me was how as a child, the author was able to "leave her body" during acts of incest. It just proves how incredible the human mind is in trying to protect itself. I know that we humans are able to do that during trauma, but it really made such an impact on me reading about it in Pie Dumas' book. I loved reading about her travels to different parts of the world with her father and describing it thru the eyes of a teenager. I think what really made such an impression on me was the author's honest and open manner in telling her life story, no matter how depressing and awful it was to face it and to relay it - and to top it off, the story has a happy ending!! I think Ms. Dumas' life story will be so helpful to others who have gone thru emotionally painful and debilitating childhoods - to know that there is hope for a happy and peaceful life as an adult. I highly recommend this book and offer my gratitude to the author for sharing her life story with us - it will inspire any who read it!

I had so many emotions while reading this book. My heart ached for the little girl who could only find happiness in her imagination and yet my heart sang as I watched her emerge as a vibrant young woman with so much to give to humanity. Her amazing discriptions of her travels around the world allowed me to be right there with her. This is a must read if you enjoy inspiring literature.

First of all, be aware that I've met Pie Dumas, so I suppose I could be biased. I liked her immediately, drawn to her warmth, humor, and humanity. Then, after reading this book, she really became a true hero to me. The woman has been down some very, very rough roads in her life beginning at a tender age, yet is now one of the most accomplished, inspiring, and positive human beings I've ever met. She doesn't wear her transformation on her sleeve, and she's not some new-age pin-head either. She just has lots of common sense and experience that she's willing to share generously with any reader who might be in need of a companion on his or her own difficult personal journey. You'd be lucky to have her along.

The book is riveting precisely because it's her truly wrenching story. For many I'm sure it will help put their own problems in perspective, as it offers insight into their lives. It made me realize how truly lucky I've been in my own life, and has increased my sense of gratitude and appreciation... something few books achieve.

Let me explain first that I am not related to the author, even though we share a family name and lived in the same town for a number of years. This coincidence did, however, lead me to her remarkable book.

Memoirs of screwed-up childhoods are popular these days, but few of them can match PIECES OF PIE for hellishness, heart-ache, and ultimately, redemption. We see a life destroyed, and we see a life painstakingly rebuilt.

But the book succeeds so well not because its elements are dramatic -- though that helps -- but because of Pie Dumas' story-telling prowess. PIECES OF PIE is alive with sensory detail, sharp observation, and a respect for the complexity of human relationships. Those things, and good old-fashioned narrative muscle.

Pie Dumas is a very dynamic story teller. I was touched by her ability to find a positive perspective in even the most difficult situations. Her humor is charming and candid. I fell in love with the little girl in the cardboard house and stayed in love with the real life character from that moment on. This story reads more like fiction but is so much more compelling because you know it isn't. This tale involves much more than you expect and is full of surprises. This is a book to share.

Pieces of Pie was both easy and hard to read. Easy in that the style is conversational and straightforward, hard in that the physical and emotional situations she has experienced were horrific. It was a story of a survivor who, looking back on the "adventure," could relate experiences with a detachment and humor that shows how we all should integrate our past into our present.

Like many people I have issues from my past that haunt me. I will readily and happily admit that my issues were an order of magnitude less than those recounted here - my life was painted by a gentler brush. But the issues that are recounted here are the same ones I face - trust, self esteem, the desire to be wanted. I probably have dealt with mine less effectively than the author has dealt with hers.

And that was what I came away from the book with. A conversation with a friend who walked down an extraordinary path pointing out the rocks and pitfalls she came across on the way. As I walked with her, I saw the same rocks and pitfalls (though for me more pebbles and indentations) and realized that we can allow our past to dominate us, or we can change our lives to become more who we would like to be. None of us are or will be perfect, but we can be better.

Pie Dumas has written a gripping account of her traumatic upbringing and long journey to recovery.

Growing up as the privileged child of a prosperous businessman, she appeared to live a charmed life, but hid a dark secret. This book is a testament to the resiliency of the soul: despite her scars, she was able to become whole. Pie now dedicates herself to those in need, especially those imprisoned.

This is a good read for everyone, especially for those who have been involved in abusive relationships.

I met Pie before reading her book and I had great difficulty reconciling the two. Meeting Pie for the first time is meeting a beautiful, compassionate, "together" young woman without even a trace of her hellish childhood. The thought that came to me as I was reading was "Amazing Grace." I was reminded of Arten's warning to Gary Renard in his THE DISAPPEARANCE OF THE UNIVERSE: "There are teachers who will try to teach you that life is not a classroom and that you're not here to learn lessons but simply to experience the truth that is already within you. They are mistaken. Your life is very much a classroom and if you don't learn your lessons then you will not experience the truth that is within you." For me, Pie is one of those people who has obviously "learned her lessons," incredibly challenging as they were, and that is why she is an exceptional woman. And that is why this book is so exceptional. Because it tells a story of grace and healing against all odds. Thank you, Pie, for sharing your incredible journey.