The recent remake of
Piranha was nearly pitch-perfect. Gleefully hapless characters (portrayed with excellent B-movie abandon by the likes of Elisabeth Shue, Christopher Lloyd, and even Richard Dreyfus) trotted through the cliche-riddled story and provided both laughs and inventive, over-the-top gore. It wasn't out to win any awards, but what it WAS out to do -- amuse and disturb -- it did quite well. So, of course, they had to make a sequel.
Unfortunately, they neglected to include half of the original formula. Truly excessive T&A? Check. Obvious character archetypes doing/saying obvious things? Check. Humor, either hokey, offensive, or smart? Check. Scares and grind-em-up deaths?
Not so much.
The problem here lies right in the set-up: an unapologetically awful man (played by David Koechner) opens a water park (with an adults only section) and contrives to fill it for free from a nearby lake. Three guesses how that plays out.
Yes. The piranhas infest the water park, and therein lies the problem. I don't know if you've ever been to a water park, but every one I've ever visited appeared to have been planned and designed by a blind man with permanent vertigo. This is usually in keeping with the looping, curving, twisting paths of the various water slides and lazy rivers, and it means it's not that hard to get turned around if the park is big. The point being: filming in one must be hell.
There is never any real sense of place to the film, and the park is never given a wide enough shot to really show the scale of the disaster. At the same time, the very fact that people are inches away from simply hopping out of the water reduces both the scale, spectacle, and believability of any of the chaos. There's a ten or fifteen minute scene of people thrashing about in water that is two feet wide and three feet deep. Gone is even any attempt at terror or (failing that) anything close to the stomach-churning destruction found in the first film.
The movie tries to make up for this in other ways. There are a couple of piranha attacks outside of the park, one of which is so over-the-top ludicrous that it is almost annoying. I won't give away any details, but I will say that it's one step away from characters shooting live piranhas out of shotguns like some kind of Itchy and Scratchy cartoon. But that's probably the point. While the first film was an aggressive and ham-fisted satire of Swarm Horror, this movie seeks only to be a cartoon of it. It's not really the same thing, and so this film -- if you'll pardon the pun -- very much lacks the bite that made the first one such a success.
As a live action cartoon, though, it's not bad. David Hasselhoff does a great job of making fun of himself AND the film. ("Stupid ginger boy," he complains when he hears the screams of a kid who's getting eaten. "Why did you get back in the water?") He's one of the better parts of the film, although he is also overused. Ving Rhames, Paul Scheer, and Christopher Lloyd, on the other hand, are woefully underused. They brighten up their brief blips in the film, but all of them feel like they were added to the script at the last minute. There are some puns and gags that work, and some that don't.
It feels half done, is the point, and this is even evident in the run time. IMDB will tell you it's 83 minutes long, but that's counting the very slow credits crawl at the end. Perhaps knowing the deficit in their film, the makers put outtakes, deleted scenes, and a gag reel over half of these end credits. It's kind of like a nice, advanced special features addition, and I enjoyed it for what it was, but I also saw it for what it was meant to be: a quick, easy distraction from the fact that the film was more entertaining behind the scenes than in front of it.
Fun for what it is, but not as fun as it wants to be or should live up to. You might enjoy yourself if you have low expectations, or you might just have more fun watching Skinemax and putting some fish in a blender.