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Stock Footage, Stock Footage!
on December 17, 2005
With a title like "Piranha, Piranha" you might expect to see a few piranhas in this movie. Don't be ridiculous: what you actually will see is unending scenes of industrial diamond mining, motorcycle racing, and absolutely unending hunks of stock footage of every kind of animal (mostly birds, but also lots of alligators and sloths) known to man. I would guess that literally over half the running time of the movie is stock footage.
The plot, as thin as it is, concerns a whiny female photographer and her accomplice going to Venezuela to photograph wildlife (hence the premise for the stock footage padding). Once in the jungle they meet a certifiable lunatic (who dabbles in sadism, rape, kidnapping, and killing exotic animals) who ends up chewing the scenery for the bulk of the movie. In the end almost everybody dies, and you will never guess the stirring conclusion. Well you would never guess it if you had zero brain cells, but a single-celled organism can figure out the ending about five minutes into the film.
This is not only not about piranhas (they are onscreen for maybe 15 seconds), it is not about much at all. Count yourself among the fortunate if you can somehow manage to fall asleep during this stinker. This film is truly amazing in its utter inability to either entertain or excite. Do not waste your time on this red herring, red herring.