Pirate Therapy and Other Cures [Paperback]

Mark A. Rayner (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: March 12, 2012

Ever wondered what might happen if your therapist was replaced by a pirate? Or how disquieting it would be to receive postcards from your future self? If William Shatner was elected President of the United States, what would his inaugural address sound like? Mark A. Rayner tackles these and stranger questions in his collection of short stories, essays and flash fiction that thrum with the absurd and hum with alienation, all to a humorous beat. Jesus contends with dinosaurs. Marcel Duchamp describes what happens to a Dadaist who has a monkey's tail grafted to his butt. Whether he is explaining how Anne of Green Gables destroyed the world, or outlining Thor's new PR strategy, Rayner entertains with wit, humor and an imagination that is one step short of certifiable.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Pirate Therapy is one of the most enjoyable collections I've ever read, and an absolute joy from cover to cover." 

--  Ian Ferguson, Author of Village of the Small Houses

"I've only come across a few truly funny writers, and Mark Rayner is one of them."
-- Terry Fallis, Author of Best Laid Plans

From the Back Cover

"Mark A. Rayner is just a terrific storyteller and one of the most imaginative and original writers you will ever have the pleasure of reading. Do yourself a favor, grab this book and settle down for a journey into places you've never been to before and characters you will be delighted to meet. Pirate Therapy is one of the most enjoyable collections I've ever read, and an absolute joy from cover to cover."
--  Ian Ferguson, Author of Village of the Small Houses

"I know some very funny people. I've also met lots of writers. But I've only come across a few truly funny writers, and Mark Rayner is one of them."
-- Terry Fallis, Author of Best Laid Plans

"Virtuosically combining the techniques of speculative fiction and political commentary with wide learning in the Romish faith, Dadaism and the Gruntwerx Paradigm, Mark A. Rayner gives us a rich array of concise vignettes, clothed in such neglected genres as the postcard, the email message and the agony column cri de coeur. Never has pop culture been so hilariously satirized, nor history so perversely revised."
-- Tom Bradley, Author of Lemur and Bomb Baby

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 168 pages
• Publisher: Monkeyjoy Press (March 12, 2012)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 098666278X
• ISBN-13: 978-0986662782
• Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.4 x 9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (31 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,437,378 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Human-shaped, monkey-loving, robot-fighting, pirate-hearted, massively-bestselling wannabe, Mark is actually Canadian. By day he is a university prof and by night, a writer of humorous, satirical and fabulist novels, squibs and other drivel. (Some pure, and some quite tainted with meaning.) The Fridgularity is his newest novel. Pirate Therapy and Other Cures is a collection of short fiction. Marvellous Hairy is his second novel. His first book, The Amadeus Net, is heavier on the robots.

You can read more of his fiction (for free) at his website where you can also dig into his irregular and explosive blog, The Skwib (markarayner.com). Follow him at Twitter (@markarayner) or on Facebook (www.facebook.com/RaynerWriting).

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

9 of 10 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars `Wikipedia claims the unicorn is a mythological creature, and this just proves how unreliable the website is as a source.' May 2, 2012

By J. Cameron-Smith TOP 1000 REVIEWER

Format:Paperback

Mark Rayner has a unique view of the world, and I'm indebted to him for sharing it in this book. `Pirate Therapy and Other Cures' is a collection of essays, flash fiction and short stories which addresses important issues including:

`How do you deal with wrap rage?'
(Wrap rage is `the rising rage and dementia that you feel when you are unable to open the shiny new thing you have just purchased with your hard-earned cash.')

General Kang can answer all kinds of questions, including:
`If we have love in a time of cholera, what do we have in a time of bird flu'; and `Do you think we should ban tasers?'

But if it isn't really advice you are after, consider `Futuresnark', which includes:
`Disquieting postcards I've Recently Received from my Future Self.'

I think that more than the International Dateline has been crossed. Just a thought.

I enjoyed all of the pieces in this book, but I especially enjoyed "Harold Pinter's Acceptance Speech for the Nobel Prize in Literature' and `William Shatner's inaugural address (after winning the first Post-Two-Party Presidential Election'.

I was alarmed by the very thought of this: `How Anne of Green Gables Destroyed the World', but reassured by `A Short History of Groundhog Day' and `Ten indisputable facts about Canada'.

I've been trying to master `How to play Monkey-Pirate-Robot-Ninja-Zombie'. Hear me laughing?

This collection is a lot of fun, especially for those readers with a well-developed sense of the ridiculous. And that should be everyone. Really. Bye for now, I'm off to source a `Thomas Kincaid Pop-up Christmas Tree and Santa Virus Dispenser'. Every home should have one.

Note: I was offered and accepted a copy of this book for review purposes.

Jennifer Cameron-Smith

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Is it off the wall;or around the bend? April 5, 2012

By J. Guild TOP 1000 REVIEWER

Format:Paperback

If you have that feeling that your favorite genre of reading is leaving you with a somewhat empty feeling;and you think a bit of therapy is in order,find yourself a secluded spot and take a trip with Rayner and partake in some pirate therapy.I say secluded in the literal sense;because you certainly won't want anyone else around ;well maybe your pet toad,if you happen to have one;but certainly not someone who is going to ask you to explain why you are laughing...or at least,grinning with your eyes closed.
If you are "little miss prim and proper",you may not fall under Rayner's spell,simply because you won't be sure whether you should or not. If you are the type who doesn't like anything at all that you read;you might find your Golden Grail here;because of the stuff you've tried to read,nothing will be anything like what you'll find here.
What Rayner produces from his unique mind, that is completely void of anything that might be construed as conventional,will amaze you ;and make you look at the world around you,in a way you never imagined.
Reading this book will leave you with thoughts that if you are able to recall them during discussions with people who think they have found the secrets of normality and wisdom,that will send them "bonkers".Here you will find why Rayner thinks people should read more books(his included,though he doesn't promote it).As an engineer,I found out all about the "Forgotten Deity,Flaccidus,the Roman God of Engineers,and that "Most engineers in the Roman construction industry were active worshipers of Flaccidus,and they would sacrifice to him weekly.because--let's face it--there's nothing worse than having one of your erections fall flat.Not to mention the dangers of sinking bridges,droopy apartment buildings,and aquaducts that can't keep it up.Naturally, our English word,flaccid ,comes from this Latin root." Modern day Electrical Engineers should also consider seeking support from Flaccidus,when confronting Brownouts,and particularly if experiencing unthinkible Blackouts.Much better, they should have problems of Power Surges.And it's not necessary to call your Doctor if they last more than 4 hours.
Then there is the great questions about Canada and why Canadians are the way we are.These questions consume too much of our national pondering.But ponder no more,Mark Rayner explains it all for you.
This is not a book to give to someone who you think could benefit it as a Birthday or God forbid,a Christmas present.Mail it in a brown envelope,don't say who it's from,just say its from someone who knows them,understands what ails them,and believes their only cure is Pirate Therapy.

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars LOL! June 15, 2012

By Darlene

Format:Kindle Edition|Amazon Verified Purchase

LOL! So many times I found myself laughing out loud while reading this book. Sometimes I would have to wait until I cleared away the tears, and of course, do a quick read aloud to my husband so he could see why I was laughing so hard. Then back to reading. I did use the text-to-speech feature and the mispronunciations added to my giggling. Then the snark value and the tongue-in-cheek humor would double me over. LOVED THIS BOOK! Next time I'm feeling down I will pull this out and read it again.

Mark Rayner's sense of humor must keep his family in stitches! His intelligence and spot on grasp of current events and/or historical events is surprising and then to discover that he is Canadian, eh? I'm curious about whether or not he had down writing for comedians or comedy shows. Or if he has done any stand up himself? Anyway, this is a must read for everyone!