Pirates of the Retail Wasteland [Kindle Edition]

Adam Selzer (Author)

Editorial Reviews

From School Library Journal

Grade 6–9—To document the impact of corporate change and suburban sprawl on their town, eighth-grader Leon Noside and his gifted-pool classmates stage a mutiny against a giant coffee franchise. They raise a pirate flag and change the retailer into an accounting office for a day with the help of the local staff. While recording the reactions of homemakers, hotshots, and school librarians who are being tested to see if they notice, Leon also has to face his conflicted feelings toward two of his classmates. The quirks of the authority figures will have a high appeal to teens; Leon's family members re-create awful dinners from old cookbooks and adopt matching personalities, which gives readers a chance to commiserate over weird families of all sorts. They will be disappointed in the mediocre climax of the book; the pirate theme tapers off as the students abandon the project after a low-key confrontation with an antagonistic gym teacher. Addressing similar issues as Stefan Petrucha's Teen, Inc. (Walker, 2007) but for a younger audience, this is a general purchase for medium to large collections.—Chris Shoemaker, New York Public Library
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Product Description

Leon and his miscreant buddies from the gifted pool are mad as hell, and they’re not going to take it anymore! Their favorite downtown coffeeshop, Sip–the only survivor in the barren moonscape of decrepit Old Downtown–is in danger of being run out of business by the ubiquitous and oh-so-corporate coffee chain, Wackford’s. Wackford’s doesn’t host readings or smell funky or support the arts the way Sip does–it’s basically a glorified office. With the help of the Wackford’s manager–a self-described “McHobo” who’s worked for every chain along the strip–Leon and his friends decide to protest by taking over the Wackford’s and making it into a middle-management office. Meanwhile, Leon deals with an unwanted crush, a Mohawked father, and his friend Dustin’s ongoing quest to take down the gym teacher via depressing poems. Nothing quite goes as expected, but that’s the great thing about life in the gifted pool.


From the Hardcover edition.

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Product Details

• Format: Kindle Edition
• File Size: 289 KB
• Print Length: 210 pages
• Page Numbers Source ISBN: 0385734824
• Publisher: Delacorte Books for Young Readers (April 8, 2008)
• Sold by: Random House Digital, Inc.
• Language: English
• ASIN: B0017L8N46
• Text-to-Speech: Enabled
• Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #492,956 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)

More About the Author

Adam Selzer is the proud coiner of the immortal phrase "you don't have to be smart to be a smartass, but it helps." He writes humorous books (both fiction and non) for readers of all ages by day and runs ghost tours in Chicago by night. If you can find two cooler jobs than that, take 'em! He is one of those people you hear about on the news who has to choose between paying off student loans and having a health care plan, and occasionally claims to be the third cowboy from the left in the famous "lost thunderbird photo." He is also credited by film historians as having inspired the film "Bedtime for Bonzo," which starred Ronald Reagan and a chimp. People who point out that said movie was released decades before he was born just don't know enough about quantum physics. Adam enjoys standing in long lines for tickets, and hopes to one day travel back in time to wait in line overnight for tickets to see a Charles Dickens reading. See him online at http://www.adamselzer.com

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Courtesy of Teens Read Too, December 19, 2008

By 

TeensReadToo "Eat. Drink. Read. Be Merrier." (All Over the US & Canada) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Pirates of the Retail Wasteland (Hardcover)

Leon and his friends have a problem.

Just as they are assigned to come up with a monument for their gifted pool group, they learn a terrible truth. Their favorite coffee shop, Sip, could be going out of business.

Sip has been struggling against its big corporate competitor, Wackfords, another coffee chain downtown, and it's quickly losing the battle.

Leon and his friends don't like this and decide to take matters into their own hands. With some help from the Wackfords manager (who is surprisingly like Leon and his friends) they form a plan to save Sip.

However, you know what they say about even the best laid plans....

This book is smart and very, very funny. Readers will love going through this fight with Leon and find him as easy to relate to as a best friend.

Reviewed by: Michaela Pallante aka "Mickey"

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The story of a small-time business battling the superstores, June 15, 2008

By 

Midwest Book Review (Oregon, WI USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Pirates of the Retail Wasteland (Hardcover)

Adam Selzer's PIRATES OF THE RETAIL WASTELAND tells of a favorite coffee shop about to be put out of business by a corporate chain - and the efforts of a band of wacky gifted patrons to save it. With much tongue-in-cheek the story of a small-time business battling the superstores makes for a zany quest that is hilarious and fun.

0 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars eh..., May 10, 2010

By 

octobercountry (the Land of Trees and Heroes) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Pirates of the Retail Wasteland (Hardcover)

This was a short and very amusing novel, with likeable characters. Though, every time I read this sort of story, I have to wonder if families as wacky and goofy as the one depicted here actually exist in the real world. One thing is certain, I don't remember my own circle of friends back in junior high as being quite so imaginative or funny as the characters in this book are.

The writing style is fine, but I have to say unfortunately the plot didn't interest me in the least, and it kind of fizzles out to a pointless conclusion. So, this book gets an "eh" reaction from me overall despite its positive qualities and I can't say I particularly recommend it. This is a companion novel to another story about the same characters titled How to Get Suspended and Influence People, so perhaps I would have enjoyed that one more? The author also wrote I Kissed a Zombie, and I Liked It which does sound very funny; I'll have to try that one sometime.

This book reminded me, once again, that I'm a bit out of touch with modern teenagers. (The only teens I really know are my own niece and nephews; don't spend much time with kids that age as a rule.) I often am unable to figure out what age range any given teen novel is appropriate for. This book, for instance, contains a generous variety of swear words/vulgar terms---just about all of the major ones, in fact, except for "the big one." And to me, vulgar language just seems so unnecessary in books aimed at kids aged 12-14, like this one is. Do all kids today really talk like this, and am I being hopelessly old-fashioned? Man, I'm getting old; I know books weren't written like this when I was that age!

I like the dust jacket on this one; very nicely designed.