Customer Reviews

Place at the Table: The Gay Individual in American Society

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At first, I thought I connected with Bawer in that I am a gay male who doesn't see himself as stereotypical, "queeny," "campy," etc. I hate being stereotyped as such, so I empathize with Bawer on that note. However, as the book went on, I found myself shocked at Bawer's rhetoric, and his logic---both are flawed, inconsistent, and baseless.

First and foremost, to criticize visible symbols of homosexuality in society is heartless, rude, and reveals his own discomfort with sexuality. Drag queens, Pride organizers, and "radical activists" dedicate their lives in order to make other people's lives better. They get out into the real world and show people what diversity is and how it is manifested. As far as this "silent majority" (gays who aren't "flamboyant," "radical," or "stereotypical") that Bawer speaks of, I offer one response: since when has silence done anything to improve human rights? Also, what does Bawer expect from this? That the "silent majority," who by implication of the word "silent" are nor vocal nor activists, will do better for gay rights? And how so? Logically, the answer ends up being the assimiliation of gays into a heteronormative world, where behavioral and linguistic traits commonly associated with heterosexuals are favored. It is these logical holes that reveals Bawer's book as an insecure and resentful, yet very self-indulgent, rant.

I would also like to connect this race. Here, Bawer has positioned himself as the Clarence Thomas of gays; Bawer simply seems to be complaining about stereotypes that are unfairly applied to him, and then trashes the people who helped him get where he is today. Bawer says that "radicals" need to get out of the public eye, similar to Booker T. Washington's doctrine of "accommodationism," which basically asked Blacks to stop "acting Black" and start acting "white" because it was normative. Thus, there is a definite logical implication that "visible" gay people need to shut up, stop "acting gay" and start to assimilate into the heteronormative environment that Bawer pretends to criticize but still participates in and perpetuates.

I want to believe that Bawer's heart is in the right place. His mind clearly is not. Every so often, you hear from people like this. But I do not believe this rhetoric is helpful, intelligent, or sustained throughout his book. Few references are given, and most of the writing is anecdotal. Although insightful, Bawer does no favors by committing the same stereotypes that his conservative targets commit; he gives little credit to the transcendent and diverse gay community, which does not need his "help" in the least. I do not believe his views in general to be relevant in a society where things are very much still separate and not equal.

I was given the idea to read this book by a friend of mine still struggling with his sexuality. When I read it, I recognized my self and my beliefs in its pages. This book is the best, most inclusive book dealing with homosexuality that I have read. It takes a very balanced approach to many issues, such as activism, religion, family, friends, relationships, and relating to the public. Instead of taking an extreme position on any of these points, Bawer shows how logic and compromise can mean greater strides than being confrontational. He also demonstrates that there is more than one way to "be gay". Not everyone has the same politics, not everyone has the same beliefs....it's when someone tells you how you should act or which way you should vote that there is repression. Overall, an excellent book, and probably the most useful resource for anyone struggling with coming out and what it means to be gay.

When this book was first released, it angered many members of the gay community and it's easy to see why. Bawer, a self professed conservative, lambasts more liberal gay rights advocates who believe in visibility at any cost. According to Bawer, this approach inevitably destroys any credibility the gay rights movement hopes to attain. True success can only be had if those interested in equality are able to work within the system in a manner that is non threatening to the majority of heterosexuals in power. Whether you agree with Bawer's approach or not, this is a book that must be read by anyone interested in the debate over the best way to establish gay and lesbian equality in this country.

As a very average suburban-dweller who just happens to be a lesbian, I've been searching for balanced reading material. Thank God -- literally -- for Bruce Bawer. Bless him for writing a book for the majority of us who prefer mowing our lawns to marching in parades and only use the word "queer" to describe something strange -- regular people living quiet lives. EVERYONE, regardless of sexual orientation, should read this marvelous book.

Every gay youth who is struggling to retain essential values and characteristics after coming out should read this book. It is not necessary to dye your hair, go clubbing, and pierce yourself to be a well-adjusted homosexual!!

Bawer reminds me of Gloria Upson, a character in Auntie Mame: stuffy, snobbish, uptight, obtuse, laughable. I will admit that I never did manage to relate to the gay subculture idea of what "we" were. I cringed at GAA meetings when someone read aloud a screed beginning "When we were young and it was raining, we stayed inside and played with our dolls ..." I felt like screaming "I didn't have any dolls!" And I see no point to Gay Pride parades. But even if I can meet Bawer halfway on some points, this book still ruffles my feathers. One gets the impression that if Bawer were straight, he would have been homophobic. At one meeting when he was touting his book, some drag queen said that what he was getting at is that America should accept, not all gays, but only the "nice" ones, such as his glorious self (glorious as in Gloria). The famous scene where Bawer and his hubby attend the marriage of a straight friend and get insulted is a clue-in to what is wrong here. What gave Bawer the idea that the photographer would take a picture of Bawer-and-hubby as one of the "married couples" there? Didn't he understand that he was in enemy territory? What was he doing hanging out with such people? The central message of this book is that the gay community would be accepted if it would only purge all of the pervs in order to humor the Normal Ones.

The reason it has been so difficult coming out for me (25yrs old) was because I couldn't relate to some of the blatantly feminine gay men that stuck out in our culture. I knew I wasn't one of them (not that I abhor them at all; actually I respect them for not being afraid of being who they are, if they are naturally feminine) and I felt this book provided a helping hand to show how I should conduct myself in today's generation. I've learned to take responsibility for my actions, not only from this book, but from my own upbringing.
I thank Bawer for reminding me to be responsible, but I also thank my family for raising me to be a good person; even when it is still hard for my family to believe there is nothing wrong with me. I dream of the day, my family will fully accept me for who I am. By reading this book, talking to others with similar situations, PFLAG parents and mentors have been my surrogate family for a while.
There is much appreciation for Bruce Bawer's "A Place at the Table," his inspiring words, and revealing truths. His book shows the world that we are more than stereotypes. The best way to show this is to attend everyday community functions and even (for some people) oft-dreaded Pride parades held each year. For all of us to come out of the woodwork, we can show others there is nothing wrong with diversity.

I wish every gay person I know, every family member, and every co-worker of mine would read this book.

A Place at the Table has as its main theme the following idea: the gay stereotypes need not enslave you. So many straight people fear gays because of their limited perspective and interaction with gays and too many gays fear coming to terms with their own sexuality because of those same stereotypes (e.g., "I don't want to end up like THAT.")

I feel like Bruce Bower is a caring friend or mentor who offers hope and encouragement for both straight and gay persons. To a straight person he explains powerfully that most gays want the same thing everyone else does: stable relationships, a family, and to be treated with dignity and respect. Most gays aren't out to "destroy the family."

To gays, he offers an even stronger two-fold message: first, the best thing you can do is simply be yourself. (You don't have to like Bette Midler and opera just because you're gay.) Second and related to that idea, don't let others dictate who you are. He writes, "Too many gays come out of the closet just to be pushed into another." Like an expert surgeon, Bawer dissects the sociological reasons why there is so much "group think" among gays, but knits together a more powerful alternative vision in its place: gay individuals who are fully integrated into society (not living separated and segmented lives) who indeed have a place at the table...the feast of life.

If you're just starting to read about gay issues, this is a GREAT place to start.

This book is both logical and passionate, a request, rather than a plea, for acceptance of gay people in American society. The message is that first, gay people do not want to be defined by their sexuality any more than other people do, and also that gay people can and do live lives very similar to those considered typical or normal: that they go to school, work, pay taxes, like everyone else. This book would be useful to any straight person who has gay friends or family members, or anyone of any orientation who wants to know that many gay people are making positive contributions to American society

Paul Monette's "Becoming a Man" is generally considered to be the classic account of growing up gay in America. I myself, however, found much more to identify with in Bruce Bawer's "A Place at the Table," a half-memoir, half-polemic that I think speaks for at least as many gay men as "Becoming a Man." Bawer, who is both openly gay and a conservative Christian, causes his coevals on both sides to swallow hard as he blasts the in-your-face outrageousness of gay radicals and the smug homophobia of right-wing fundamentalist pundits. Some have accused Bawer of sounding a little smug himself; nevertheless, it is impossible not to be moved at his insistence at being taken at face value, as a man both proudly, devoutly Christian and proudly, openly gay. Bawer is a distinguished poet and literary critic, and perhaps the best part of the book is his analysis of gay-themed novels and how they reflect on both gay and straight society. First published a decade ago, "A Place at the Table" remains a clarion call for sanity and understanding.