9 of 10 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars
Starring The Golgi Apparatus Of A Radioactive Crayfish!, June 6, 2006
This review is from: Plankton (DVD)
Of all the Italian movies I have ever seen about the horrors of radioactive plankton, this is the worst. This film, made for approximately thirty two cents, has the worst acting and most inept direction I have seen in a long time. Adding to the wretchedness is the MTV-like quick cuts of inappropriate things from inappropriate angles. (Helpful tip to the filmmakers: just because you can edit doesn't mean that you should.) To even think about enjoying this film you absolutely must be fanatically devoted to enjoying the worst aspects of cheesy movies, and even then prepare to writhe in pain a great deal.
This film was also titled "Creatures From The Abyss" and is about adolescent longings, flying radioactive fish, and snorting high-grade plankton for illicit purposes. In other words, this is a mess. The movie opens with some teenagers including a nerdy guy and a would-be party animal (who may be the thoroughly most disagreeable character in movie history) and three girls in bikinis going onto the open ocean on a small inflatable boat in the middle of the night, where they encounter a mysterious abandoned scientific boat with luxurious accommodations including giant, opulent bedrooms with faux-fur decor, a stuffed polar bear, a (very annoying) Sid and Marty Krofft talking octopus wall decoration, and a demonically possessed toilet which talks (saying things like "The toilet tissue has malfunctioned!")
Intermittently through the film we see jump cuts of flailing rubber tentacles from a half-man, half-fish, three quarters-badger creature whose tenuous connection with the plot is never completely resolved but does involve an oversexed half-woman, half giant crab creature somehow. There are also many shots of something pulsating that we infer is the radioactive plankton that the prehistoric fish have been eating to make them fly and kill. (I think; it's all a bit difficult to follow.) The nerdy guy discovers that these fish live out of water, fly, and know how to turn their victims into monsters by reading erotic stories about these mystery fish. (I am absolutely not joking.) This is confirmed by the discovery of a deranged plankton crazed, drooling, incoherent, scientist junkie in the bilge of the ship, who is accused of having an immoral relationship with the fish in question (ponder that, please.) When he is confronted with his crimes against nature his only response is "They were old enough!" (Making matters worse, his accuser then goes on to commiserate by saying "I understand! These things happen.")
Interwoven into the plot are several other unsavory subplots including exploring the use of dried radioactive plankton as a recreational drug, unplanned pregnancy, and the least savory love scene in screen history, which, I am sorry to report does actually contain a giant larva tongue, inadvertent eyeball swallowing, and octopus wrestling. The whole thing concludes with some gross, yet horrifically unrealistic special effects, and the brainy nerd wading around in gasoline holding a lit candle.
The film is a feast for not only eyes, but also ears, featuring some of the most ineptly crafted dialogue, delivered with the most inappropriate inflections ever, by the least likeable cast in recent memory. This is all topped off with continuous new age music that drones on and on (and on.) Truly a sensory deprivation experiment of a movie if ever there was one.
In all absolute honesty I have no idea what to give this film for a rating. As a quality movie, it is sub-zero. As schlock cinema it is over the top. I settled on three stars depending on what you are looking for. If you are really committed to the bad movie genre, this is a must-see; otherwise you better turn tail and run away at flank speed now.
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6 of 8 people found the following review helpful:
2.0 out of 5 stars
As BAD As It Gets, December 15, 2001
I was looking forward to watching this previously unreleased (at least in the States) euro-horror flick originally known as "Plankton" which is about some mutant fish terrorizing 5 teens on an abandoned research ship. I knew ahead of time it was going to be bad, but I was not prepared for the magnitude of how godawful it actually was. Does that mean I didn't enjoy it? Of course not --- it's so inept in every way that you can't help but laugh at it's amateurish execution. Atrocious acting and dubbing (the voices are so detached that sometimes it is hard to figure out which character is talking!), awful special effects (superimposed animated flying fish!), terrible editing, phony rubber monsters (and one stop-motion tentacle-man-creature), and even explosion fireball footage superimposed over a model ship being blown apart. Even the few 'gore' scenes are disastrous because they build up and don't deliver...and what's with that animated fish (?) flying out of that chick's mouth?!?! Her head should have exploded instead (guess they didn't have the money to do that). Best scene is when a guy turns into a fish monster when making love to one of the girls. His eye pops out of his head and falls in her mouth. Yeaah! Unfortunately, there are quite a few lulls in between the chuckles and the film really is recommended only for diehard euro-trash fans. It's good for a few laughs, but I doubt it will revisit my DVD player anytime soon.
So how does the DVD look? Thankfully, the film is sharp and does not suffer from that awful artifacting that was so evident on Shriek Show's "Demonia" DVD. So, this is a very good sign for Shriek Show and bodes well for their upcoming releases. The extras include a few trailers (Demonia and 2 Asian horror flicks - which are not at all my thing and the 2 trailers showcase exactly why I dislike that genre so much), but not a trailer for "Creatures From the Abyss" which is probably because there never was one. There is a picture gallery (which I didn't bother going through) and a brief on-screen director interview - if I were the director, I would have been embarrassed to show my face! Anyway, I must admit that even though the movie really BITES, it does have a weird charm to it and this DVD is a welcome release from Shriek Show. Looking forward to many other obscure and "unreleasable" releases from them in the coming months.
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5 of 7 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
check this out!, October 10, 2001
All I knew about this title was that it was an Italian horror film. I'm glad I took a chance on this DVD, because Creatures From The Abyss (AKA Plankton) turned out to be a hoot. From the bad dubbing and inane dialog, to the cheezy, but fun SPFX, this one reminded me of later films by Lamberto Bava (Graveyard Disturbance, Prince of Terror) and Lucio Fulci (Ghosts of Sodom, Zombie 3). The plot is simple: 5 kids out for a good time take refuge on a deserted ship, where they soon discover mutant plankton, which attack them one by one. Some of the effects reminded me of Carpenter's The Thing, but much more crude. So grab a six pack and enjoy. THIS ONE'S ONLY FOR THE MOST TOLERANT ITALIAN HORROR FANS! you'll love it.
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