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To Play With Fire: One Woman's Remarkable Odyssey

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Tova Mordechai's story of her journey from a Pentecostal cult to Judaism reads like a Jewish _A Little Princess_: she lives in poverty surrounded by plenty, is forcibly separated from her family; she succeeeds at everything she tries and yet receives no recognition for her successes, but she is cheerful and good-hearted throughout. If this book were fiction, it would be remarkable for its excellent writing, suspenseful plot, and believable characters. The fact that the book actually happened is all the more amazing. _To Play with Fire_ compellingly tells a truly fascinating and inspirational story, giving the reader an insight behind closed doors of two little-understood religions.

Any autobiographical work about an author's religious "odyssey" sets off alarm bells in the mind of a demanding reader, yet this book avoids the clichees. Despite telling a very personal story about the evolution of the author's fundamental religious beliefs, it maintains a distance from them: much to her credit, the author does not attempt to persuade readers of the truth of her new belief system, and she does write a relatively honest assessment of her new life. Further, it is clear that Ms. Mordechai is writing for her audience, not herself: she tells her story because others have found it fascinating, not because she thinks herself a model of humanity, again quite unique of autobiographical works.

Nevertheless, I do wish that she had written more about her current life. She mentions her reluctance to accept anything blindly, and indeed she argues extensively with the Lubavitch rabbis at her seminary, but she nonetheless stayed within Lubavitch during her struggles, rather than exploring other streams of Judaism, such as the Greek-Jewish and Egyptian-Jewish traditions of her ancestors.

While the most important part of her exploration occurred in the transition from Christian to Jewish, I wish she had discussed her thoughts about the nature of religion itself: whether power in any religious group should ever be centralized in one figure whose opinion determines the policy of the religious group, or whether decentralized power (as in the classical Jewish model of multiple rival opinions) is safer.

It is understandable that she cannot risk personal relationships by giving a complete discussion of her own life in her small community, but I was disappointed to watch her lush prose become sparse at the very end, and to see her incisive commentary become more muted.

One warning to the reader: it is impossible to read only one chapter and it compelled me to stay up until 3 am to finish it.

I read this back when it was called "Playing With Fire". I am not sure which branch of fundimentalist Christianity her family was with....perhaps the British group "Plymouth Brethren", they were really cultlike. Her background was extreme, but her issues with Christianity are thoughtful and not merely colored by her strange community.

I recognized alot of things from my sojourn with fundimentalism, and I found her honesty refreshing. She is also very straightforward about the Jewish community she has joined. She doesn't paint an easy rosey picture of her transition. I still think of her and her husband, a convert from Episcopalianism. I think if you are interested in conversion stories and people affirming their Judaism you will love this book.

I remember vividly her description of the heartrending time of her sister's death, and her parent's programmed reaction.

Good Luck Tova! I am so glad to see this reissue of your book!

TO PLAY WITH FIRE records Tova Mordechai's odyssey as moves from being an evangelical female minister to becoming an Orthodox, practicing Jew. The daughter of an Egyptian Jewish mother and a British Protestant evangelical father, Mordechai devotes her life to service within her church. Ever conscious of the differences between herself and the outer world, Mordechai continuously attempts to stifle her need to connect and to fit in.

For many years she maintained a double life between home and school, and later work and the religious campus where she lived. When her service was rewarded with a promotion and added responsibilities on campus, Mordechai cuts most of her ties to the outside world. Yet she never could completely stifle her desire to deepen her spiritual connection to the One God, and to explore the religion of her mother.

Nine years in the ministry lead to depression and disillusionment with her peers, and an inability to touch the enthusiasm she once experienced. Always aware that something was still missing from her spiritual life, Mordechai buries herself in work and service. But eventually she must do more. Forbidden by her church to explore her Jewish roots, Mordechai eventually leaves behind Protestantism to pursue the freedom of her Jewish roots.

Author Tova Mordechai pens her extraordinary spiritual journey from Pentecostalism to Judaism in TO PLAY WITH FIRE. While her story is intensely personal, it is also universal in her search for a relationship with the God of her ancestors. Her gift with prose brings the story a sense of immediacy that makes for fascinating reading as she exposes both her joy and her disillusionment with her protestant beliefs. A must read for all spiritual seekers, TO PLAY WITH FIRE earns the WordWeaving Award for Excellence.

This book is a very honest one. I especially loved the fact that Tova did not show Orthodox Judaism in rosy colors, but were describing her negative feelings and experience with Orthodox Judaism as well. And there were plenty of what to be upset about. However, she chooses Orthodox Judaism for the rest of her life.

She made it clear that she despised Christianity not just because she was abused by so called "Christians" but also because she was rejecting the New Testament itself. She wrote openly inside her book that Jesus was a false prophet, and that Gospels were misquoting and distorting the Jewish Scriptures. She revealed herself as a very educated and knowledgeable minister quoting the verses from the Bible in order to explain us why according to her the entire Christian doctrine is wrong.

I highly recommend this book to all people: both Jews and Christians. Written in a very sophisticated English it will certainly help them to understand it other.

Also, this new edition "To Play with Fire" is much better than the old one "Playing with Fire". This new edition is longer on sixty pages and reveals more details about her experience and feelings. Even if you own the book "Playing with Fire", you certainly should get this uncut and unedited edition, too.

This book is very in-depth when describing the long process that Tova took wrestling with whether or not to leave her Christian college ('cult' to some) and the Christian church in general. She also recounts from a young age her fascination with her own Jewishness and the draw of being Jewish. This book is very valuable in the way that it can describe to born-Jews or converts families the angst that one goes through when considering converting. (Tova was decided to be a 'born-Jew' and did not need to formally convert, but she did not know that going into it, as she had always be told she was a gentile, nevertheless her psychological journey closely mirrors that of a convert in my estimation.)

The church she came from is not a typical church due to the extreme abuse and military-like atmosphere, but some missionary groups or conservative Christian groups do strongly resemble much of what she recounts. The over-controlling nature of the college and people there suggest that it was a cult based on Christianity. The doctrine and culture is very similar to what you will find in many average American churches. Her insights into 'holiness', 'modesty', the 'spiritual highs' and more, mirror many of my own observations and I throughly agree with her conclusions. She is somewhat shallow on the theological basis for leaving the church, she does speak to many of the issues but this book is not a theological or doctrinal comparison of the two religions but her own personal journey. A side note: you will find no trace of bitterness in her sharing of her experiences of this time which absolutely astounded me. This is in no way a bashing sort of a book. But she treats the Christian community with respect and dignity. She is truly a pure soul.

Her experience in actively choosing to be an observant (Orthodox) Jew is also shared and her trials and adventures in school and in Israel are informative and amusing. She was hesitant to 'believe' anything and so questioned her rabbis and found her questions were encouraged and answered. She describes the confusion of being introduced to many observances and beliefs that are foreign and how she learned about them and had to grapple with the implications.

I cried, I laughed and I identified with much of her story. I recommend this book for anyone considering conversion, for friends and family of a convert or Jews wanting more insight into the mind of the convert. I thank Ms. Mordechai for sharing her story as it was so helpful to me and to so many others as well I am sure. Her courage and dogged determination to find the truth is rare. I am so glad she found her way to her people and her land.

To Play With Fire: One Woman's Remarkable Odyssey is the fascinating, autobiographical story of Tova Mordechai, a woman, born of a British Protestant Evangelical father and an Egyptian Jewish mother, who made a long journey of transition from being an evangelical female minister to becoming an Orthodox Jew. A deeply spiritual, revealingly candid, intensely personal story about many choices, decisions, and needs that divide one's soul, To Play With Fire is engaging, thought-provoking, highly recommended reading on the subject of what it means to be Jewish in the world today.

As has been described by many other reviewers, this book tells the tale of Tova Mordechai (nee Tonica Marlow), a woman born to a Jewish mother and Christian father and raised in what I can only describe as a Pentecostal cult. She spends 9 years living in a Christian "college" before finally reconnecting with her Jewish roots and fleeing to live with a Lubavitch family in London and learn more about Judaism. She goes to a Lubavitch winter program in Minnesota, then attends the Machon Alte seminary in Tzfat and settles down there, eventually marrying a convert named Chananiah Mordechai and having several children. Ms. Mordechai is currently a practicing Orthodox Jew who still works at Machon Alte and occasionally gives talks about her experience.

This book was extremely powerful and touching. At times it was unnecessarily wordy and I got frustrated with her constant vacillations between Christianity and Judaism, but I suppose this just goes to show the difficulty of leaving a cult and everything you have grown up with and abandoning it for an entirely new belief system. But overall, she recounts her fascinating journey in a captivating manner, and this is a book you can read several times and get more out of it each time.

I originally read this book as someone who is considering conversion. If you are in that position, I recommend this book for inspiration and support, but do not expect it to be wholly applicable to your life. Tova Mordechai's situation is not one that most people are ever going to be able to relate to. Her total immersion in Christianity makes her more like a convert than a baalas teshuva, but the circumstances of her upbringing and the cult she was in are utterly bizarre and probably irrelevant to most people looking to convert, who may have some difficulty with their families, but not like this.

It would be nice if this book were republished with additional updates. I am particularly curious if, given her and her husband's background, Ms. Mordechai and/or her family are part of the Yechi crowd of Lubavitchers that believe the Rebbe ZT"L is Moshiach. Her town of Tzfat (Safed) is a particular hotbed of meshichism.

This book was given to me by sister who has converted to Judaism.
It is not a book I would ever buy for myself. But for intellectual reasons I will compare "To Play with fire" to Christian books that parallel Tova's story. I have read many `I found Jesus stories' mostly by Muslim women, with titles like `The Torn Veil'. Reading Tova Mordechai's book was interesting to read because her story was so similar to Fatima Gulshan's but so different. Whilst the Muslim women lived surprisingly (to a western audience) comfortable lives, in mere weeks after a supernatural experience they leave their families and luxury behind. In contrast Tova Mordechai lived surprisingly (to a western reader) uncomfortable, creepy, cult like circumstances, took several years for her to escape. Not as a result of a showy, obvious, miracle (being cured of her disability in the case of Fatima Gulshan), but years of questions unanswered and a severe lack of logic on the part of the Pentecostals, followed by a slow journey into Orthodox Judaism.
Having long suspected that Pentecostalism attracts lunatics I found these suspicions confirmed by reading about Tova's experiences with them. I felt as angry, frustrated and disgusted by their hypocrisy as she must have. Though I wondered why she didn't escape years earlier.
It was certainly a lot longer than the `I found Jesus stories' with much attention given to logical argument and a reasonable experience with God, rather than a sudden change in religion based on unlikely miracles.
I subtracted two points because I found the Tova a bit pathetic, the writing was not fantastic either.

Tonica aka Joy aka Tova has the misfortune to be born to a couple of warped religious fanatics. Her mother a Sephardic Jew is the daughter of an orthodox father and not so observant mother. Eventually, Tonica's mother and grandmother become Christians while her grandfather and two uncles remain orthodox. Sally, Tonica's mother meets and marries Jim Marlow, a born again Christian. They move to England where Jim is content to live in the shadow of his wartime buddy, Raymond who eventually becomes cult leader "Daddy Raymond."

Tonica is 16 when Daddy Raymond gets the "revelation" that her father and mother are supposed to sell everything they own (including Tonica's beloved horse), donate it to the church/cult and quit their jobs and move into a one bedroom apartment and work for the cult for free. Her father the head of the household dutifully complies, even though he is only two years away from a full pension, and Tonica is left homeless. They dump her at Daddy Raymond's new Bible college for "training." Tonica is abused physically, verbally, and spiritually to the point that she stays with church/cult and severs all contact with her parents after Daddy Raymond excommunicates them.

If you replace church with revolution, Jesus with Chairman Mao, and Daddy Raymond with one of Mao's lower henchmen you could be reading a memoir of the Cultural Revolution. The basic premises are the same; impressionable young people are beaten into submission physically and psychologically. Then they try to out do each other in their adoration of a so called deity who becomes their raison d'etre. In the process they spy and tattle on each other, turn in and or disown family members, in order to win favor and work their way up the hierarchy. They also devise petty backstabbing machinations that rival day time soaps. The final reward for all this effort is group acceptance and recognition from the cult leader.

This book is just under 450 pages and the first 300 or so pages we are dragged through Tonica's thought processes during her nine years with the cult; I think I'm really Jewish, no I love Jesus, no I'm Jewish, no I love Jesus. The redundancy itself was agonizing, but what I found extremely frustrating was her inability to wake up and leave this cult of freaks. She is very capable of making a bonafide living, has had positive contact with the outside world, and even been offered a ticket to Israel by her estranged uncle. Instead she chooses to stay and continue to be abused and used as slave labor.

This book would have been much more palatable if it had been kept under 150 pages and or written by a third party with some insightful commentary about cults and missionaries. Other than her thoughts on modesty for a woman's spiritual development versus modesty to prevent male temptation very little of this memoir was thought provoking. I found Tonica's husband's story impressive, but he doesn't' appear until page 413. He was born into a blueblood church family. He came to Judaism completely on his own after reading through the Bible and after a priest is unable to successfully answer his numerous questions. At age 18 he immigrated to Israel. I thought that was pretty gutsy. On the back of the book it says; "Tova also lectures throughout the world on being Jewish in a contemporary society." Given her and her husband's backgrounds I think they would be very well suited to do a Noahide outreach and or anti-missionary work.

Turbulent Souls by Stephen Dubner is a similar, but much better book. Dubner's American WWII Era Jewish parents for some reason felt compelled to convert to Catholicism. Then they met and married. Dubner is more sophisticated, does his research, and asks thought provoking questions as he winds his way back to the religion of his grandparents.

If you are looking for a book which details the intellectual and rational search of a person for the soul's home in the Jewish faith, this is not the book to read. Coming from a cultic, dysfunctional Pentecostal family, the author is very emotional and seems to judge religious precepts purely on the basis of how they "feel". I don't doubt that she had a life-long feeling of inner-connectedness to Judiasm,but all one reads is how a woman exchanged a christian faith which controlled all her action for a jewish version of the same.