Tells the story of teens the author has worked with over the past 15 years. An exploration of their lives, and a book for parents to help them deal effectively with their own teenagers.
Playing at Being Bad
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About the Author
For over 15 years Michael Ungar has worked as a marriage and family therapist, social worker, researcher, academic and administrator of programs for high-risk yough in both community and institutional settings. He is an associate professor at the Maritime School of Social Work, Dalhousie University, Halifax, Canada, and continues to work extensively with both front-line staff and professional therapists, parents and community groups, conducting workshops internationally on the treatment of vulnerable youth.
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Parenting Today
As parents and caregivers to adolescents, our role is every bit as daunting and demanding as when our children are infants and toddlers. As Barbara Coloroso makes so very clear, what we do as parents is the same for the young child as it is for the older adolescent: we are there to help them make good choices. Our children need us desperately during their teen years, even though they seem miles away both emotionally and physically. As the world becomes more complicated and change happens at lightning speed, I see adults all around me despairing that they no longer have a role to play in guiding their children through these turbulent times. We see our children turning to manufactured pop idols more than their own elders for guidance. We may mistakenly come to believe that we are no longer needed. I couldn’t disagree more. We will need, however, a different approach to parenting if we are to keep up with the new “truths” our children are discovering.
The good news is that kids know they need help from adults. They’ve told me this in no uncertain terms and on numerous occasions in my office, frequently with their parents right there to hear the good news. But to be there for them will demand of us caregivers a different attitude, one that is more respectful of the way children and adolescents construct their worlds. For kids who are at-risk for more serious problems, the demands on their caregivers are that much more challenging.
I once told one of the youth I was working with how uneasy I felt when she succeeded in making me understand how healthy she was despite all the test scores that showed quite the opposite. She sat there but a moment, fixed her eyes on mine, and smiled. “Get over it!” was her terse advice. I’m still working on it.
I find myself at times not wanting to believe what it is kids tell me, because to do so shakes the foundations of what I have been comfortable believing. And yet, at the same time, I see all around me our failings as caregivers, and a proliferation of advice for parents that is seldom ever put to the kids themselves for comment. There’s an old joke that says the problem with parenting books is that the kids never read them. That’s not the case here. This time, the content comes directly from the kids.
What To Expect Next
The youth introduced in the following chapters are violent, suicidal, delinquent, substance abusing, and behaviourally disordered adolescents whom I have encountered over the past twenty years in mental health, corrections, and child protection agencies, as well as through volunteer youth organizations and on the street in my various roles as both a professional and lay helper. Many started out as stellar students in grade school. Some showed great promise at sports earlier in their lives. And while others had a much tougher beginning, all share a path through life that for some reason veered towards trouble. --This text refers to an alternate Paperback edition.
As parents and caregivers to adolescents, our role is every bit as daunting and demanding as when our children are infants and toddlers. As Barbara Coloroso makes so very clear, what we do as parents is the same for the young child as it is for the older adolescent: we are there to help them make good choices. Our children need us desperately during their teen years, even though they seem miles away both emotionally and physically. As the world becomes more complicated and change happens at lightning speed, I see adults all around me despairing that they no longer have a role to play in guiding their children through these turbulent times. We see our children turning to manufactured pop idols more than their own elders for guidance. We may mistakenly come to believe that we are no longer needed. I couldn’t disagree more. We will need, however, a different approach to parenting if we are to keep up with the new “truths” our children are discovering.
The good news is that kids know they need help from adults. They’ve told me this in no uncertain terms and on numerous occasions in my office, frequently with their parents right there to hear the good news. But to be there for them will demand of us caregivers a different attitude, one that is more respectful of the way children and adolescents construct their worlds. For kids who are at-risk for more serious problems, the demands on their caregivers are that much more challenging.
I once told one of the youth I was working with how uneasy I felt when she succeeded in making me understand how healthy she was despite all the test scores that showed quite the opposite. She sat there but a moment, fixed her eyes on mine, and smiled. “Get over it!” was her terse advice. I’m still working on it.
I find myself at times not wanting to believe what it is kids tell me, because to do so shakes the foundations of what I have been comfortable believing. And yet, at the same time, I see all around me our failings as caregivers, and a proliferation of advice for parents that is seldom ever put to the kids themselves for comment. There’s an old joke that says the problem with parenting books is that the kids never read them. That’s not the case here. This time, the content comes directly from the kids.
What To Expect Next
The youth introduced in the following chapters are violent, suicidal, delinquent, substance abusing, and behaviourally disordered adolescents whom I have encountered over the past twenty years in mental health, corrections, and child protection agencies, as well as through volunteer youth organizations and on the street in my various roles as both a professional and lay helper. Many started out as stellar students in grade school. Some showed great promise at sports earlier in their lives. And while others had a much tougher beginning, all share a path through life that for some reason veered towards trouble. --This text refers to an alternate Paperback edition.
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More About the Author
Michael Ungar is a university research professor, as well as a professor in the School of Social Work, at Dalhousie University in Halifax, Canada. His research is focused on understanding resilience among children and families across cultures and contexts. He has led several studies, including an 11-country program of research on positive development among at-risk youth. He has authored more than 60 peer-reviewed articles and book chapters, as well as six books for parents, educators and helping professionals. In addition to research and writing, Dr. Ungar maintains a small family therapy practice for troubled children, youth and their families.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
A Must Read for Parents and Youth Workers,
By Ian 'Tay' Landry, MA MSW RSW (Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Playing at Being Bad: The Hidden Resilience of Troubled Teens (Paperback)
As a parent and social worker I found Playing at Being Bad: The hidden resilience of troubled teens by Michael Ungar to be an enlightening and thought provoking examination of `troubled' youth. Through the sharing of his observations and learnings from 20 years of working with `troubled' youth Ungar challenges parents, caregivers and service providers to look beyond the behavior of `troubled' youth and their relationship with `troubled' peers to see the resilience they have developed for themselves. He highlights the importance of truly listening to teens as the tell the stories of their quest for identity, acceptance and power over their environment. He emphasizes how important it is for anyone who is working with `troubled' youth to find innovative, individualized interventions. This book is a must read for anyone who works with youth, as well as parents, or soon to be parents, of adolescents.
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Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs):
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healthy deviant, blaming stops, troubling behaviours, high risk youth, different peer groups, behav iours, healthy identities, powerful identity Browse Sample Pages:
Front Cover | Table of Contents | First Pages | Index | Surprise Me!
healthy deviant, blaming stops, troubling behaviours, high risk youth, different peer groups, behav iours, healthy identities, powerful identity Browse Sample Pages:
Front Cover | Table of Contents | First Pages | Index | Surprise Me!
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