Customer Reviews

Please Understand Me: Character & Temperament Types

5 star:		(75)
4 star:		(20)
3 star:		(7)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

I tend to be very skeptical of any book that smacks of 'self help,' but "Please Understand Me" has been one of my most frequently referred-to books ever since I bought my first copy five years ago. I don't ordinarily push books onto friends and family, but somehow or other I can never keep myself from INSISTING that others read--and, most importantly--USE it.

I've always known I'm a kook, but never really understood why. I took the Kiersey Temperament Sorter in the front of the book, and found that I am split between INTP and INTJ, two of the rarest personality types. Most of my family members are SPs and SJs--small wonder they think I'm a wacko! And no wonder I kept thinking they were uptight, or lacking in imagination. No wonder they don't get my jokes (which are not really jokes--and if you don't get that, you need to read this book <laughs>).

The light "Please Understand Me" has cast on my relationships with my family and friends has been of inestimable benefit. Sure, my ESTP father drives me nuts, but now I understand why, and it allows me to step back and say, "that's how he is--consider this before tearing off on a rant, will you?" It also helps me understand why I am so close to my INFP kid sister, but fought constantly with an ISTJ ex-boyfriend. By understanding how the different types relate to the world and the people around them, it is easier to understand why they behave as they do. It becomes easier to be more compassionate. Rather than lashing out in irritation and frustration because I assume I know why someone is acting the way he or she does, I can use what I know about the Myers-Briggs types and try to see the world through that person's eyes. Some very problematic relationships have been profoundly changed for the better, as a result.

I recently bought "Please Understand Me II," and recommend it as a companion volume; it expands on the ideas here, and is gives more in-depth analysis of the types, but this is really where you should start if you're interested in Myers-Briggs. If you're stuck at Christmastime, wondering what to get your family members, maybe you could give everyone a copy of this book. Get them to take the personality test, and compare notes--especially with people you've never really gotten along with. What better gift than mutual understanding?

I am an INTJ, and always wondered why everyone wasn't like me. Well, it turns out that I make up less than 1% of the population, and this book was a great help in helping people to understand me, but also in giving me the information I need to realize that everyone is different, and everyone needs to be understood in a different manner. What might make total sense to an INTJ, might really hurt someone else's feelings. And getting passionate about an illogical point in an arguement completely backfires when dealing with someone like me.

Everyone is different, and this books helps to at least start defining those differences into 16 general personality types. Now, there is still a ton of differences within a single type, but getting to 1 of 16 is a great start at dealing with those around you, as well as giving them some insight into your personality as well.

Keirsey's explanation of the different temperaments was a real eye-opener for me. Finally I understand why people get upset with certain of my character traits, and why I always felt so misunderstood by some people. It was a big relief to know that after all, I'm "normal", and so are the others. Where there used to be resentment on my or the others' part, we now knowingly smile at each other, saying "ah, there shows your J again, can't help it, can you?"

Keirsey introduces us to four basic opposite tendencies in temperament, then describes the temperaments, and applies this to the areas of relationships, work, children, and learning.

The book starts with a questionnaire that you can take to determine your type. I would strongly advise not to just read the part about your own type, though. The real aha effect comes when you read about the others, too. You won't even need everyone to take the test, you'll know just by what you've read what types you're dealing with. It's fun to realize our differences and see them in a new light.

Here is a rarity, a system of personality types that resists "putting people in boxes". While there are descriptions of each of the sixteen types, they are general descriptions that leave plenty of room for individual deviations. I personally like this system of personality types more than the Enneagram for just that reason: while it is more superficial, it is less limiting.

The purpose of this book is not only for self-discovery; it is also in order to appreciate the wide range of personality differences that exist. Less than illustrating personality types, the book focuses on general tendencies, thereby making it possible for two people to be the same type, and still be entirely different.

The book does have its down sides, though. While the system is interesting and the book is anything but dry, it is written more like an outline than an actual book. When I finished the book, I felt dissatisfied; it touches on each subject briefly, only scratching the surface. The reader is left with a very general idea of the system, but little beyond that.

Another drawback is the "compatibility" fiasco. In this book Keirsey posits that people are happiest when they marry their diametrical opposites--for example an INFP is advised to seek out an ESTJ. Never mind that this ensures that there is no common ground whatsoever, which one would suppose to be somewhat necessary. Luckily Keirsey clears this up in the sequel, and changes his thesis to the idea that people are most compatible when there is a combination of similarity and complementarity. But someone who does not read the sequel could end up seriously confused!

I would recommend this book to anyone interested in a book that explores human nature, with the caveat that it be taken with a healthy grain of salt, and that the sequel is necessary for a full understanding. ...

I'll try to keep it short- the negative reviewers must not have really read this incredible book. I read it in 1980 while in college and found out the reason why I always felt like an "alien" in grade school even though I was popular. Reading about my ENTP temperament finally allowed me to appreciate parts of myself and not compare myself to all my SJ and SP friends! It even made me appreciate a family member that before I thought I'd never get along with. I mistook her non-verbal personality as hostile- then she took the test and I found out she was an ISFP- I felt like I was looking into her very (artistic) soul as I read the words that described her exactly. Now I value her deeply. I've given this book to many friends who all agree with me that above any other "self helper" none other even comes close to the insight this offers. I'm using it with my high school students this spring. (Thanks Xerox!)

I think the best way to learn about a book is to see some examples. There are sixteen types, with eight letters, and the following two types provide the words that go with the eight letters:
INFJ=Introvert Intuititive Feeler Judger
ESTP=Extravert Senser Thinker Perceiver

1. NFs (intuitive feelers) often report more pleasure in anticipation of romance than in consummation of it. They hold out for the possiblity of a perfect relationship, and some will work hard to create it.

2. SJs (sensing judgers) are very responsible, and willing to sacrifice a great deal to meet their responsiblities. They're the nurturers of society's traditional, respected institutions (churches, schools, civic organizations, etc.) They like order and predictability in home life, and are often very good employees.

3. SPs (sensing perceivers) are adventurous, spontaneous, and often end up married to SJs. They and SJs outnumber all the Ns three to one.

4. NTs (intuitive thinkers) are driven, intelligent, concerned with mastery, and often seem emotionally aloof. They hate to state the obvious or seem redundant, therefore, expressions of affection will not come often, because their commitment is already established.

5. Children who are Ns like stories that have a lot of fantasy and metaphor. They like to hear or read the same stories over and over. Children who are Ss (most children seem like Ss because of their need for action) like action stories with plot progressions and straightforward meanings, and like new stories rather than the same ones over and over.

6. Is (introverts) are slower to learn, but learn more deeply, and think things over at length. They're slower to learn social skills and slower to approach new things or people. Es (extraverts) have an easier time socially. They outnumber introverts three to one, and are more favored in our society, which encourages gregarious, social behavior. (In Japan, I've read, introverts are more popular than extraverts.)

7. Ss (sensors) are in the here-and-now. They observe their environments, remember facts, and they like straightforward language. Ns (intuitives) are dreamers, prefer their gut instincts and inner experiences, and are fascinated by ideas and fantasies or theories. They're often detatched from the factual world somewhat.

8. Ps like to work whenever, and don't make decisions easily; Js like deadlines and promptness and make decisions easily.

I've enjoyed this book a great deal. Reading it makes me interested in reading Jung, who introduced personality types to us. I got a lot out of it. (Incidentally, I'm an INFJ.)

"Please Understand Me" is a clear description of the 4 variables in Briggs-Meyer personality types. It is fairly simple to understand. One is either introverted or extroverted. One looks at the world through one's senses, or through intuition. One evaluates the world through thought, or through feelings. One prefers the world either structured, or open-ended. Each of these preferences can be mild, moderate, or intense, and the way the four preferences can be combined creates 16 personality types. Yet, with variations in intensity, there is ample room to understand the true range of human personality.

"Please Understand Me" and "Please Understand Me II" are two completely different books, not an original and updated version of the same book. "Please Understand Me" covers the basics, understanding what each letter means, and the way they combine. "Please Understand Me II" is a detailed description of each of the 16 personality types, carefully structured to allow easy comparison. It would be difficult to understand for anyone not already familiar with the Briggs-Meyers personality type system from "Please Understand Me" or another basic book.

While the "Please Understand Me" system can be interesting as a means of self-analysis, it is most useful when turned outwards, as a way of understanding the people around you, and as a way of planning your actions for maximum effectiveness.

For example, when planning a party, it can be easy to slip into planning only the types of activities that you like. But your guests will be of all personality types. So consider - the extrovert's may love a loud dance floor, but the introverts will need a quite space to recharge now and then. Sensing types will love the stimulation of good food, good music, etc. Intuitive types may want a space to chat. Judging types will want an idea of what to expect, perceiving types will want room for spontaneity. So invite a few SJ's to show up early and help set up. Let the SP's bring some excitement. The NFs will love making sure everyone feels pampered and appreciated. And the NTs will be ready to understand any possible crisis, and solve any technical problem that may arise.

This is not a way of ranking personal development through "stages," or of telling you what you should be. It is a way of understanding the world for what it is, and people for what they are. At times it can seem almost ruthlessly pragmatic, such as when discussing leadership types, and how to lead different types of people. Yet it can also be idealistic, seeing the role of a leader as one of understanding and inspiring followers, and the importance of appreciating people in a way that matters to the person being appreciated.

I teach in the business department of a community college, and I have recommended and loaned this book to over 50 students over the past decade. (This is why I'm about to purchase my 20th-22nd copies of this book. It gets stolen.) Students of varying ethnic backgrounds have found this book useful. It helps in career direction, understanding roadblocks in school and in personal relationships and it is particularly useful in dealing with work relationships. I find it invaluable as a framework for seeing situations from the viewpoints of others and to give me the courage to accept my own views even when they are not the same as the views of my colleagues. Some of my students have resisted the book's whiny title. I tell them it should be titled: How to be successful and insightful, even when dealing with difficult people and situations, at work and at home.

As a Dating, Marriage, and Divorce Counselor, as well as a Staff Placement Consultant for professional corporations, my expertise is the Myers Briggs Type Indicator. I have personally interpreted one-on-one more than 1,500 Indicators. Please Understand Me is the book I recommend all those who take the test to read first. It is simple. Well-formatted. To the point. Informative. Accurate. It is wonderful to see light bulbs come on in people's heads when they read about themselves through this book. Thank goodness for Keirsey and Bates who took the time to write this book! I recommend it highly for people who desire to learn about themselves. The most terrific thing is that the reading is not only simple, it's lots of fun!!

Dr. P.

+++++

This easy-to-read book, by clinical psychologists David Keirsey and Marilyn Bates, is about character and temperament types. Character is the integration of all traits to yield a unified whole which reveals the nature or personality of a person. Temperament is an aspect of a person's general make-up characterized by dispositions toward particular patterns of behavior (for example, emotional reactions and mood shifts).

The authors explain the purpose of their book:

"The point of this book is that people are different from each other, and that no amount of getting after them is going to change them. Nor is there any reason to change them, because the differences are probably good, not bad."

The book begins by making the reader aware that there are four pairs of "dimensions of difference":

(1) (Extroversion vs Introversion) or (E vs I)
(2) (iNtuition vs Sensation) or (N vs S)
(3) (Thinking vs Feeling) or (T vs F)
(4) (Judging vs Perceiving) or (J vs P).

All these dimensions are thoroughly explained. These are very important and form the basis of the entire book.

There is a page in this book that summarizes these four dimensions. I suggest photocopying this page and keeping it for easy reference in order to get maximum benefit from the rest of the book.

From these four pairs of dimensions of difference, it has been determined that there are four temperament types that consist of combinations of two of the above letters. For example, there are SPs (Sensation/Perceiving temperament). This is also called the "Dionysian" temperament. These temperament types are well explained.

From these have emerged sixteen different personality or character types that consist of four letters each. For example, there is the INTJ (Introvert/iNtuition/Thinking/Judging). This type is also known as the "scientist." In the appendix of the book, each of these sixteen types is discussed.

The rest of the book has interesting chapters on mating & temperament, temperament in children, and temperament in leading.

A feature of this book is that it enables you to determine your own character type. The reader does this by completing "The Keirsey Temperament Sorter" which consists of seventy questions. There are no right or wrong answers to these questions. (For those with some psychology background, this sorter is based on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator test.)

Finally, there is a second version of this book that has much more psycho-babble. This book has no psycho-babble and is easy to follow.

In conclusion, read this book to understand why people are different from each other and why that's OK!

(first published 1978; 5 chapters; main narrative of 170 pages; appendix; bibliography)

+++++