Polite Lies: On Being a Woman Caught Between Cultures [Paperback]

Kyoko Mori (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 6, 1999

In this powerful, exquisitely crafted book, Kyoko Mori delves into her dual heritage with a rare honesty that is both graceful and stirring. From her unhappy childhood in Japan, weighted by a troubled family and a constricting culture, to the American Midwest, where she found herself free to speak as a strong-minded independent woman, though still an outsider, Mori explores the different codes of silence, deference, and expression that govern Japanese and American women's lives: the ties that bind us to family and the lies that keep us apart; the rituals of mourning that give us the courage to accept death; the images of the body that make sex seem foreign to Japanese women and second nature to Americans. In the sensitive hands of this compelling writer, one woman's life becomes the mirror of two profoundly different societies.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Kyoko Mori spent a largely unhappy childhood chafing at social restrictions in Japan before migrating to the American Midwest. In 12 beautifully turned essays she shuttles between these two cultures, observing local customs with a wondering eye. Too bold to be emotionally fluent in either land, Mori scrutinizes--and sometimes ridicules--the sound of a woman's voice raised in a childish squeak; the differences between Americans who marry for love (and divorce the day it dissolves) and traditional Japanese women, who may be more likely to find happiness in an honorable widowhood; and the navigation of uncomfortable truths and painful emotions. "Having a conversation in Japanese is like driving in the dark without a headlight," she says. "Every moment, I am on the verge of hitting something and hurting myself or someone else, but I have no way of guessing where the dangers are." Despite frustration and puzzlement, Mori rarely swerves even to make her own limitations more palatable. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Library Journal

Creative writing professor Mori (Dream of Water, LJ 12/94) offers a poignant portrait of her dichotomous life: a childhood in Japan and an adulthood in the American Midwest. These 12 personal essays show the insight evident in Mori's previous works. "Polite lies" refers to the imbalance present in the two cultures and the resulting balance Mori establishes for herself and her readers with wit and warmth. Topics include family, secrets, the body, and tears. The distinction between the public and the private colors the double world that Mori speaks of so eloquently. Sacrificial deaths, tragic suicides?all these may be exalted in Japanese art and literature, yet the personal tragedy of Mori's mother's suicide was "shameful instead of glorious"?she was never to mention the event. This strong collection binds one woman's old country with her new one, repeating her impassioned desire not to be swept up in a lifetime of polite acquiescence as were the women of her youth.?Kay Meredith Dusheck, Univ. of Iowa, Iowa City
Copyright 1997 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 272 pages
• Publisher: Ballantine Books; Fawcett Edition edition (April 6, 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0449004287
• ISBN-13: 978-0449004289
• Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.6 x 8.2 inches
• Shipping Weight: 9.1 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 2.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (36 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #419,267 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

10 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Redundant to her "Dream of Water" work, August 30, 2001

By 

MegaMegaWhiteThing! (Brooklyn, NY) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Polite Lies: On Being a Woman Caught Between Cultures (Paperback)

I understand her pain in losing her mother through reading the work "Dream of Water." However, it is quite unfair to base the entire society of Japan around one family. That's similar to someone else saying "Well I had a bad childhood and my father beat me and my mother was a severe drug user so therefore everyone else in the United States beats their children and uses drugs."

I notice that she discusses social issues which are also a bit too general. People are individuals and don't act alike, even in conformist societies -- we all have little quirks. Therefore, it's unfair to generalize about social characteristics of the Japanese. Also, because she had one or two experiences with vulgarity on the trains in Japan doesn't make a whole race of men pigs. We have problems with people acting up in New York City subways, but that doesn't make every person in NY insane or vulgar.

If it wasn't for her great writing style I'd be severely disappointed. However, I still find myself floating in and out of reading the book while reading on the train, and it's not because the people are being vulgar or obnoxious, it's just redundant to her last work. I was also very turned off to her treatment of her husband, and I agree with other reviewers that her rationale is clouded at points. I would rework this into a more socially - current work if I were Ms. Mori, because there's definitely nothing wrong with the writing.

17 of 21 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars It's an old story to me., May 16, 2002

By 

eri (ca, usa) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Polite Lies: On Being a Woman Caught Between Cultures (Paperback)

I am 24years old Japanese. This book was pretty interesting to me when I saw it at the bookstore by accident because I moved to california from Japan a couple of years ago.
While I was reading the book, I was kinda confused because almost everything what she wrote about Japanese culture seemed like old stuff to me. I don't want people who read this book to believe everything. In my opinion, she exaggerated the fact too much(I'm not saying about her family, but Japanese culture).
She hasn't live in Japan for twenty years, so she doesn't know well what's going on in Japan NOW. People and Culture have changed a lot. She wrote the old facts about Japanese culture as if those are going on right now. She just lived in old Japan.

16 of 20 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Observations from the inside of Japan, September 12, 2000

By 

George N. Wells (Dover, NJ USA) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Polite Lies: On Being a Woman Caught Between Cultures (Paperback)

Ms. Mori, in her social commentary and comparison between the Midwest and Japan, exposes the soft underbelly of contemporary Japanese culture. Having hosted over 25 exchange students from Japan (all women) I began to have a deeper understanding of what their experience of Japan really was.

To be sure, Ms. Mori is an English professor, and her social examinations are based on her own experience, yet her generalizations do strike a chord with what I have come to know of both Japanese and American culture. While we either praise or damn other cultures what I have found is that both cultures have their flaws.

What I found most interesting is that she has confirmed my thesis that Japan never had a Renaissance. The country went directly from a Feudal state to an Industrial state without the pain of dealing with the questions of humanity. The social structures of Japan still reflect the Feudal culture of the Tokugawa era.

To be sure, there are beauties in both cultures. And, a bad childhood can easily mask the good side of the culture you live within. Read this book if you want to understand contemporary Japan from the eyes of a child who lost her mother and had an abusive father. There is a lot of pain and suffering found here. There are also the seeds of what will be the yet to come Japanese Renaissance. That will be interesting to watch.