Anapol (Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits) gives the lie to her title by spending much of this disjointed book musing about her own personal experiences with nonmonogamy and activism over the past several decades. Some sections are clearly intended for those who know nothing at all about polyamory or its history, but only longtime members of Anapol's choir will enjoy her preaching on terrible "old paradigm" relationships that value stability and longevity over honesty and happiness, wonderful "new paradigm" relationships that "bring forth and honor the inner wisdom of each person," and the ostensible common personality traits of polyamorous people (strength, charisma, independence). Nebulous definitions cause further confusion: for example, if two people "freely embrace sexual exclusivity" of their own will rather than because of societal pressure, Anapol still considers them polyamorous. Interesting facts and overviews of nonmonogamy throughout history and across much of the world are obscured by terms like "lovestyles" and "sexualoving," reliance on binary gender constructs and gender essentialism, asides about Anapol's personal dalliances, and plugs for her other books.
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--This text refers to the
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Anapol (
Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits) has taught for 25 years at the university level and has been a relationship coach, seminar leader, and participant observer. Her simplest explanation of polyamory is that it is nonmonogamy, it can define relationships among adults that may not be sexual and may include a shared residence or family, and it pertains to both sexes. She suggests that 'the form of the relationship is less important than the underlying values,' which consist of allowing real love to seek its most appropriate expression. She takes pains to distinguish this movement from swinging or open marriages. Various chapters deal with the history of human bonding, jealousy that may arise in these relationships, polyamory in other world cultures, children issues, and the movement’s pros and cons. (
Library Journal )
With her first book,
Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits, Anapol was midwife at the birth of a new form of loving relationship. Now she has written the book that only she could write, describing how this movement has evolved over the three decades since she helped usher it into the world. Anapol describes her personal and professional observations, as she has watched polyamory spread around the world, growing and changing with each new culture and generation that embraces it. Anapol's journey is a fascinating and engrossing exploration through the ways in which lives, relationships, cultures and societies have changed and been changed by acceptance of a form of love which does not require monogamy. (David J. Ley, Ph.D., author of The Myth of Sex Addiction and Insatiable Wives: Women Who Stray and The Men Who Love Them )
Anapol masters the difficult task of covering a wide territory of historical polyamory and diving into it to the depth it deserves, so as we read this book we constantly increase our understanding. I love her reviews of lovestyles in many cultures, and her in depth recounting of the stories of various relationships, the difficulties they encounter, and how they learn and grow and eventually triumph and go on to love some more. What I love the most is that the author always brings us back to the central point of our relationships: love. (Dossie Easton, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist; co-author of The Ethical Slut )
Polyamory in the 21st Century is a thoughtful, wide-ranging and well-balanced consideration of the current state of polyamory worldwide. Illustrating her points with vivid examples from real-life, Anapol succeeds in getting across the diversity of relationships and experiences covered under the umbrella of polyamory. Readers who are new to polyamory will find useful, open practical advice. The book also provides intriguing introductions to relevant research and theory in this area, which will hopefully whet the appetite of readers to find out more. (Dr. Meg Barker, co-editor of Understanding Non-Monogamies )
Deborah Anapol stands as a pioneer within the polyamory movement. She is uniquely qualified to explore the way the movement has developed into the 21st Century.
Polyamory in the 21st Century explores how polyamory has evolved since the word first appeared some two decades ago. It underlines in the most personal and direct language that polyamory and non-monogamy is, more than ever before, a viable and life affirming way to live for present and future generations. (Graham Nicholls, artist, writer and founder of polyamory.org.uk )
Deborah Anapol has picked up where Love Without Limits left off and taken the discussion about polyamory to a whole new level.
Polyamory in the 21st Century reflects Anapol's extensive experience with the subject, both as someone who has been a leader in the movement and as a therapist who has helped thousands of clients. Her honest, warm, spirited voice comes through in this book and the stories of real people are both fascinating and helpful to folks looking for concrete examples. Her chapter on jealousy-one of the thorniest issues in polyamory-is intelligent, insightful, and very practical, and one of the best things I've ever read on the subject. (Tristan Taormino, author of Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships )
Deborah Anapol has long pioneered new archetypes of intimacy in our stringently pair-bonded world. This book invites us to leap beyond the notion that love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage so that we can successfully update our personal longings and relationship templates: past, present, and future. (Gina Ogden, PhD, Author of
Women Who Love Sex, The Heart & Soul of Sex, and The Return of Desire. )
Deborah Anapol has produced a level-headed, insightful examination of the growing polyamory movement and the people in it — their ideals, motivations, backgrounds, and practices, and the increasing body of hard-won wisdom they are accumulating about what makes multiple-relationship structures fail or succeed. Anapol draws on her nearly 30 years at the heart of the movement, including her experience counseling thousands of poly and would-be-poly clients and her many discussions with the movement's movers and shakers. She also examines how poly people and families deal with such issues as jealousy, time management, child rearing, and how closeted or out to be in a sometimes hostile world (Alan M., Polyamory in the News )
In her favor: the whole issue of "homophilia," to broaden X-sexual scientifically beyond a narrow physical-emotional focus, complicates old categories of marriage form--monogamy, polygyny, polyandry, group marriage--beyond the "H-word"/"G-word" taboo of conspiratorial silence typical of us teachers/grad students of decades past. (Metapsychology Online Reviews )
