74 of 78 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Polyamory for the Real World, March 1, 2007
This review is from: Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless & Hopeful (Paperback)
This is the best book available on polyamory, bar none. It is also the most intelligent and honest book about polyamory that is out there today.
Yes, the writing style is fairly complex and perhaps rambles a little. To that I feel I must ask, if you don't have the patience to handle this complicated a book, how can you handle the heavy-duty, complex and sometimes rambling discussions with lovers that are the meat and potatoes of polyamory? (And I can't help but wonder if the author, Tony Ravenscroft, had deliberately written it that way specifically for that reason.) In my opinion, if you must have Polyamory Lite, then you can't do polyamory. This is because it requires endless talking and negotiating with your partners as well as their partners. Imagine talking things out with your spouse, and now multiply all of this exponentially. Get the picture?
The author's motivations are fundamentally different from those of other authors of books about polyamory. His aim is not to convince you to go right out there and become poly because polyamory is so wonderful, it is to give you the most rational and realistic portrait of polyamory and polyamorous relating that is out there. And it is constantly asking you the questions, "Are you SURE that this is for you? Are you SURE this is what you want?" To my mind, this makes his book much, much more trustworthy than others.
What also particularly won me over is that this book spoke directly to my real-life experience of polyamory. Unlike many books on the subject, this one was very upfront about the fact that not every polyamorous person is a harmless sweetie-poo. Sometimes the "icky-squishy tree-huggers" are not the harmless hippies that they appear to be, but are in fact abusive manipulators (Just like real human beings! Wow, what a concept!). My own experience with polyamory was, in a word, horrible. In brief, I wound up surviving an abusive and manipulative polyamorous situation as my initial foray into polyamory. A learning experience, to be sure, but what always stuck out in my mind was that the perpetrators used the same, tired old lines on me about how wonderful polyamory is that you hear in many other poly books such as "The Ethical Slut" and "Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits". In short, I was left completely unprepared for the possibility that I might be used or abused by polyamorous people. Ravenscroft not only addresses that this sort of thing does happen in polyamory (early on in the book, too!), but also why you are not likely to be warned about it or about which people to avoid by members of the poly community. The community needs to address this and police itself better, or else more desirable, young bisexual women such as myself will get burned and perhaps even be lost to polyamory forever as I nearly was. But yet here I am, ever hopeful, in spite of it all. Thank Goddess I came across this wise and wonderful book and have been educated as to where I went wrong and how to avoid the pitfalls.
In a nutshell, if you have any interest in practicing polyamory, do not take the plunge until you have bought and read this book. I can't think of any other book that will prepare you anywhere near as well.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
Was this review helpful to you? Yes
No
29 of 29 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Definitely Thought-Provoking, August 4, 2006
This review is from: Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless & Hopeful (Paperback)
This is the best book on polyamory I've read so far, and it's the type I'll be happy to have in my collection for years to come so that I can re-read sections and lend it to friends and partners, and maybe excerpt relevant passages for relatives.
That said, you'll also have to be serious-minded to get through this book, since it's both long and dense. If you have a problem with listening to a strongly opinionated author with a wicked sense of humor, you might get turned off before you manage to plow through the whole thing. Personally, though, I found it to be excellent and thoughtful. And the bibliography is a great starting point for more exploration of this and related topics.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
Was this review helpful to you? Yes
No
24 of 24 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Say what?, August 23, 2007
This review is from: Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless & Hopeful (Paperback)
Wow, can this guy rammble. I'm giving this book five stars because it really helped me understand the mind set of poly folks and the winding road of chaos within the lifestyle choice. My best friend from high school has been poly for several years and she highly recommended this book because she found it a saving influence on her primary relationship. For me, the book was educational and also successful at eliminating any possible poly attempt in my personal life. You may find this book helpful if you are considering poly for the first time, wanting to learn more about poly in general or dedicated to poly and having a hard time of it. It's not the kind of book you can summarize, meaning you read it and you're thinking "what did I just read, I can't remember what his point was."....so know from the onset that this book is oddly structured and vague.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
Was this review helpful to you? Yes
No
![[Start the discussion]](http://g-ecx.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/x-locale/communities/discussion_boards/start-new-discussion-sec._V192250339_.gif){kind=small}
