Customer Reviews

Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless & Hopeful

5 star:		(8)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

This is the best book available on polyamory, bar none. It is also the most intelligent and honest book about polyamory that is out there today.

Yes, the writing style is fairly complex and perhaps rambles a little. To that I feel I must ask, if you don't have the patience to handle this complicated a book, how can you handle the heavy-duty, complex and sometimes rambling discussions with lovers that are the meat and potatoes of polyamory? (And I can't help but wonder if the author, Tony Ravenscroft, had deliberately written it that way specifically for that reason.) In my opinion, if you must have Polyamory Lite, then you can't do polyamory. This is because it requires endless talking and negotiating with your partners as well as their partners. Imagine talking things out with your spouse, and now multiply all of this exponentially. Get the picture?

The author's motivations are fundamentally different from those of other authors of books about polyamory. His aim is not to convince you to go right out there and become poly because polyamory is so wonderful, it is to give you the most rational and realistic portrait of polyamory and polyamorous relating that is out there. And it is constantly asking you the questions, "Are you SURE that this is for you? Are you SURE this is what you want?" To my mind, this makes his book much, much more trustworthy than others.

What also particularly won me over is that this book spoke directly to my real-life experience of polyamory. Unlike many books on the subject, this one was very upfront about the fact that not every polyamorous person is a harmless sweetie-poo. Sometimes the "icky-squishy tree-huggers" are not the harmless hippies that they appear to be, but are in fact abusive manipulators (Just like real human beings! Wow, what a concept!). My own experience with polyamory was, in a word, horrible. In brief, I wound up surviving an abusive and manipulative polyamorous situation as my initial foray into polyamory. A learning experience, to be sure, but what always stuck out in my mind was that the perpetrators used the same, tired old lines on me about how wonderful polyamory is that you hear in many other poly books such as "The Ethical Slut" and "Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits". In short, I was left completely unprepared for the possibility that I might be used or abused by polyamorous people. Ravenscroft not only addresses that this sort of thing does happen in polyamory (early on in the book, too!), but also why you are not likely to be warned about it or about which people to avoid by members of the poly community. The community needs to address this and police itself better, or else more desirable, young bisexual women such as myself will get burned and perhaps even be lost to polyamory forever as I nearly was. But yet here I am, ever hopeful, in spite of it all. Thank Goddess I came across this wise and wonderful book and have been educated as to where I went wrong and how to avoid the pitfalls.

In a nutshell, if you have any interest in practicing polyamory, do not take the plunge until you have bought and read this book. I can't think of any other book that will prepare you anywhere near as well.

This is the best book on polyamory I've read so far, and it's the type I'll be happy to have in my collection for years to come so that I can re-read sections and lend it to friends and partners, and maybe excerpt relevant passages for relatives.

That said, you'll also have to be serious-minded to get through this book, since it's both long and dense. If you have a problem with listening to a strongly opinionated author with a wicked sense of humor, you might get turned off before you manage to plow through the whole thing. Personally, though, I found it to be excellent and thoughtful. And the bibliography is a great starting point for more exploration of this and related topics.

Wow, can this guy rammble. I'm giving this book five stars because it really helped me understand the mind set of poly folks and the winding road of chaos within the lifestyle choice. My best friend from high school has been poly for several years and she highly recommended this book because she found it a saving influence on her primary relationship. For me, the book was educational and also successful at eliminating any possible poly attempt in my personal life. You may find this book helpful if you are considering poly for the first time, wanting to learn more about poly in general or dedicated to poly and having a hard time of it. It's not the kind of book you can summarize, meaning you read it and you're thinking "what did I just read, I can't remember what his point was."....so know from the onset that this book is oddly structured and vague.

This is the first book on the polyamorous lifestyle I've read which is blissfully bereft of the self-congratulatory tone of most books on the subject. It brings to the discussion about polyamory a refreshingly honest viewpoint which makes no bones about its being one perspective. Yet it's expansive enough to include the perspectives of many different groups thinking about polyamory, or who were essentially "born into" it through a sort of self-revelation. I've barely read forty pages, and yet I'm hooked. I highly recommend this book.

It would be proper to start with what is good with this book. Polyamory: Roadmaps... covers a great deal of information in one volume. This book also does its damnedest to relate that that choosing to progress along this path is difficult. Nearly every page includes an attempt to dissuade. If you are in a currently monogamous relationship and are looking to start out with adding a third, and specifically wanting to move into a polyfidelity with the possibilities of additional long-term members of the dynamic, then you've got a lot of material to work from here.
Also, it makes a good doorstop.

While voluminous, however, this book is far from comprehensive, or even realistically extensive. The guides are based entirely on one very specific set of experiences derived from one person's idea (and successes) at one particular polyamorous relationship style. This book does not cover anything beyond starting as a person in a dyad (couple) and adding one, then progressively adding one, and possibly subtracting every now and again.
While the nuances of individuals are described, brevity to describe the need for dealing with the nuances of individuals (and many other things) is absent.
It is not possible to turn the pages of this book without having your eyes smote with Mr. Ravenscroft's ceaseless ego stroking.

Save you cash. Grab the Easton/Taormino/Block triad of books: all the information, much more combined experience, comprehensive views and v-a-r-i-e-t-y in methodology... none of the ego.

But, if you are on just one road or happen to be considering dating Mr. Ravenscroft, then this might just be the perfect book for you.

Written in a conversational, narrative style. Content seems thoughtful, thorough, and well intended, but the writing style isn't easy to digest. Filled with meandering, convoluted sentences with lengthy parenthetical comments. Lots of stories, insight, and detail on many aspects of the topic. Just not a breeze to take in.

This is a serious book but well worth the effort. Read it slowly; perhaps one chapter at a time. Take time to contemplate, digest, and discuss.

If you know that you are polyamorous and would like to learn from others, this book is for you. If you are wondering whether or not you might be polyamorous, this book is for you.

Sustaining any valued relationship is work. Sustaining a trusting honest intimate relationship (with or without sex) is hard work. Sustaining more than one trusting honest intimate relationship is even harder work.

Polyamory is not the route to fulfilling all your fantasies. It is rather the ability and desire to love several people simultaneously. If that is what you are doing, or what you want to do, this book is a practical guide to exploring this poorly charted minefield.

If it helps you avoid blowing yourself up in the process, it has achieved its objective. If it helps you decide that you are not polyamorous, it has also achieved its objective. Here's a bonus: it will help you in all of your relationships: friendship, dating, monogamy, whatever.

I am polyamorous. This book is congruent with my experience as a polyamorous person. It also points out many potential relationship mistakes that had yet to occur to me.

I am deeply grateful to Anthony Ravenscroft for writing so honestly and meticulously.

Wow, a really honest book about a very tough lifestyle. A great road map, it was written well, lots of good humor, and true honesty you can't get most places. It has opened my eyes to the true work that is needed to have an interesting and fulfilling lifestyle. If you are thinking about or are actually in this scene, you NEED this book.
share and enjoy!
Z

Wow.. this book is the best! I am a newbie in the poly world and I've only read a few books so far.. but this book smokes the other ones by far.
Our new triad has had our issues..... and already this book has helped me realize a few of our mistakes and ways to improve our communication.

I would suggest this for any relationship... poly or mono.

This is a very informative book, and complements "the Ethical Slut" very well. I recomend both of these books for 2 different view points.