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Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits : Secrets of Sustainable Intimate Relationships Paperback – March 1, 1997

4.2 out of 5 stars 37 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews


As a couples counselor for many years I have seen how obligation poisons intimacy. In this ground breaking book Deborah Anapol shows us that there is another way to be intimate, a way that can lead us to freedom from the addiction to control. --Dr Susan Campbell, author of Getting Real and Truth in Dating

This book is a valuable guide for the establishing and nurturing of healthy intimate relationships that are responsibly nonmonogamous, and a valuable resource for educators and counsellors working in the fields of sexual, mental and emotional health. --Dr Maria Pallotta-Chiarolli

There are people of courage around to test the limits of various forms of cultural insanity, like conventional marriage, conventional war, and conventional politics. Deborah Anapol is such a person. Because she dares to do this she helps us face what we all say we want but we are all most terrified of: Love. --Brad Blanton, Ph.D. author Radical Honesty

About the Author

Dr. Deborah M Anapol received her Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from the University of Washington. She leads seminars worldwide and offers relationship coaching via phone or Skype. Visit her in cyberspace at LovewithoutLimits.com.

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 182 pages
  • Publisher: Intinet Resource Center; Revised Edition edition (March 1, 1997)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1880789086
  • ISBN-13: 978-1880789087
  • Product Dimensions: 0.5 x 6.2 x 9.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (37 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #562,184 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback
Love Without Limits is a solid introduction to
polyamory. Polyamory is the practice of
having multiple ethical, honest, non-monogamous

Making polyamorous relationships work can be
difficult for many people... they bring up
issues not always faced in monogamous
relationships, and poly families often have
few role models and friends who can provide
experienced advice. This makes books like
this one extremely important.

Topics covered include ethics, how to
tell if polyamory is right for you, skills
for successfully managing polyamorous
relationships, jealousy, managing transitions
from monogamy to non-monogamy, coming out,
and many more.

While this book is clearly aimed at people
in or considering polyamorous relationships,
I would also recommend its section on
relationship skills (the chapter "Eight
Steps to Successful Polaymory") to people
in or considering monogamous relationships.

Highly recommended. In addition, people
who enjoy this book may also want to look
at a book which approaches some of these
topics from a similar but not identical
viewpoint: "The Ethical Slut: A guide
to infinite sexual possiblities" by
Easton, Dossie and Liszt, Catherine A.,
Greenery Press, 1997.
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I work as personal and professional development coach and have a graduate education in both a hard science and psychology. In my role as a coach, I have seen with my own eyes the devastation that infidelity, sexual addiction, sexual deceit causes in many lives. I have also written articles on infidelity and have done some deep studies in human sexuality from various perspectives. It is from this place that I am evaluating this book with a very open mind that is concerned with dealing with the modern culture landscape as it relates to sexual morals.

As a biologist/biochemist, I have read extensively on evolutionary biology and it is clear to me from the literature that we are hard-wired to pursue two mating strategies (long and short term) and that like other primates we have a strong tendency toward being promiscuous. This is complicated by a lot of ignorance, guilt, shame and hurt that is often not communicated about and sometimes not healed. (For more information on different mating strategies see The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating.

The modern dilemma seems to be what does sexual ethics look like in contemporary society where people often wait until their mid-thirties to marry and life is much more complicated. Given that it is also a post-modern world where for many people old paradigms don't seem to apply, what can one use as a yardstick for evaluating behavior. This book attempts to address these issues head-on.

At the same time, social institutions such as marriage seem less relevant to many people and there seems to be a crisis of meaning.
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Format: Paperback
Monogamy isn't the only way to be in loving relationships. We don't expect to have exclusive or closed relationships with friends, and many people are able to love more than one person intimately. Responsible non-monogamay doesn't mean you are unable to be in a committed relationship or that you are sleeping around, cheating, or risking STDs. If you have considered polyamory in any form (and there are many ways to be polyamorous) this book will help you examine the pitfalls and promises. The suggestions for honesty, compassionate understanding, and dealing with jealousy in relationships will be informative even for those who decide poly isn't for them. Conscious adults will appreciate being reminded that they can design their relationships as they see fit.
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Format: Paperback
I borrowed this book from my poly girlfriend because I am in a marriage that is leaning toward poly, but we are still not perfect at it. Learning from books seems like a long shot, but it gave me some interesting views. There were things I liked and didn't like about this book.

I liked that it gets more in-depth about jealousy. It helps to deconstruct jealousy to figure out exactly what is bothering you. There is insecurity, fear of being replaced, and even competition. The author believes that jealousy can be overcome. I believe this to a certain extent. If you limit your life because of jealousy (for example not doing something because someone could get jealous), it might just make it worse (finding something else to get jealous about and limit). I was working through jealousy at the same time I was working through being afraid to fly across the sea and it's not that different. Though I think for me it would have to be overcome with each situation.

She brings up a new concept in the subject of jealousy: it has an opposite. "Compersion" is when a person is happy that two people like each other. In a society like ours, this word is not well known, but I have felt compersion before, and it can be the result of getting past jealousy. I thought this was interesting, because I've heard that people are happy for their lover, but not in this term, which made it seem more like they are generally happy and not just trying to accept it.

Another thing I found mind-expanding was her description of 3 or more people in primary relationships together. She describes the beneficial ways that these groups could interact. She also says that relationships like that aren't harmful to children; on the contrary, there are more people to support the children.
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