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Porn Gnomes and Other Strange Tales [Kindle Edition]

Paul Chapman
4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (14 customer reviews)

Kindle Price: $1.99
 
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  • Length: 112 pages (estimated)
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Book Description

Porn Gnomes and Other Strange Tales is a collection of 11 short stories, some humorous, some horrific, all fantastical and weird.

Ever wonder where all that bathroom wall graffiti comes from? Or what kind of job security the black knight who guards the nameless bridge enjoys? Or what's the most efficient way of dealing with a perpetually kidnapped princess? Or what would happen if we threw a zombie apocalypse and nobody came? Take heart, dear reader, because these and numerous other strange questions are answered within. (And that's not even mentioning the stories of homeless wizards, imperialist puppets, and downtrodden demons.)

Porn Gnomes and Other Strange Tales includes the following stories:

Porn Gnomes
Ordinary Man
Midnight at the Crossroads
Poppet Empire
Day of the Night of the Night of the Living Dead
Water-Baby
Killing Princess Petunia
Time Immemorial
Set in Stone
Always, the Red of Reckoning
A Companion of Dust Devils

This compilation features 7 stories originally published on the Silicon Chickens Project podcast (http://siliconchickens.wordpress.com), as well as 4 original tales unique to this anthology.


Product Details

  • File Size: 274 KB
  • Print Length: 112 pages
  • Simultaneous Device Usage: Unlimited
  • Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B0091Z3R50
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Not Enabled
  • Lending: Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #939,974 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

4.6 out of 5 stars
(14)
4.6 out of 5 stars
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Paul Chapman Makes the World Safe for Otters August 27, 2012
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The compendium has the usual problems that a first time publisher faces. Some stories have an elevated style that feels out of place for the absurdity of the subject matter. Other times the dialogue comes off stiff. "Midnight at the Crossroads features an archdemon named Mack and a human named Louie whose lines are wooden and interchangeable--if not for speaker tags, a reader would be hard pressed to distinguish which character spoke. Likewise, the humor at points failed miserably. In "Killing Princess Petunia," assassin Hraith speaks to a potential mark and states, "I'm working pro bono." The princess responds, "My father is paying you with...bones?" Yeah, that's a line that makes me wince. Lastly, the plot of "Always, the Red Reckoning" became so convoluted in the tale's Beowulf styling that a second read was necessary.

A brilliant tome of tales awaits past those few faults.

"Porn Gnomes" starts the collection by explaining the supernatural origin for all the graffiti on the walls of bathroom stalls. Cute and comical, the story has only one setback: it feels restrained considering the subject matter. I was hoping for one really bawdy moment. I hope that Chapman can release himself for a sequel and push the boundaries needed for such "potty humor."

In "Ordinary Man," the author flexes his writing skills. Assuming the persona of a desperate and obsessed woman named Eleanor, Chapman opens a frightening and wholly believable look into a woman who stalks a neighbor named Mr. Pierponte. With excellent attention to details, the short story takes a somewhat expected turn at the end. In true Stephen King fashion, the tale has an excellent buildup but disappointing climax. I wonder if Chapman did that to mimic Eleanor's plight in the story...
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars yoou want me to do what? October 21, 2012
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This finally clear up why all the bathrooms in the world are such a disaster. Or maybe not. If you ever wanted a reason to ransom a Princess, don't look for answers here. But if you yearn for a good tale of twisted means, this is the place to be.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Delightful and Sometimes Dark Tales - a winner October 2, 2012
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I was very surprised and happy that once I started reading this collection of tales I couldn't put it down. Other reviewers have gone into detail about each story so I won't redo their work. Just want you to know I enjoyed this collection and think you might also. Well worth the small change spent.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
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I bought this e-book because I'm a fan of the author Paul Chapman's THE GREATEST MOVIE EVER Podcast [...], and wanted to support his continuing efforts to review B/Schlock/Japanese Monster/MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC movies and television shows. A collection of mainly humorous writing exercises rather than actual stories, PORN GNOMES (the title of the first story, about gnomes who are responsible for all the pornographic grafitti you find on bathroom and subway walls) suffers from a case of Beginning Author Syndrome - but Chapman undeniably has a good imagination and genuine storytelling talent. Once he starts working with stronger narratives, he'll definitely be a writer to watch.

In the meantime, I hope his next e-book is a collection of THE GREATEST MOVIE EVER reviews, which he and his co-reviewers (including his mother and sister) do splendidly.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Loving every page of it October 1, 2012
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Having listened to Paul Chapman narrate some of these tales on his podcast, I was eager to read his first collection of short stories.

"A Companion of Dust Devils" has a very earthy, folk-driven lining to it. Honestly, he could have set this in my native Ireland, and I would have felt as at home with it as I already was.

"Time Immemorial" is very Twilight Zone in its final twist after presenting us with a world somewhat similar to our own, the author leaves us wondering about the final fate of the players.

"The Water Baby" is one story that's never sat very well with me even listening to it in podcast form. It's no fault of the author, he makes a compelling scenario. It's just that I want there to be more to the story, because I felt the main character was someone I could get into. But the author writes the character with a finality that makes it impossible to bring him back. I guess I'm trying to have my cake and eat it.

"Porn Gnomes" recalls Terry Pratchett in that "Did you ever wonder how such and such a phenomenon occurs? Well, the reality is both amazing and somewhat pedestrian at the same time" way. The dialogue is very workman, as in workmen on a public works or building site.

If "Time Immemorial " was a little Twilight Zone in its verve, then "Ordinary Man" absolutely is a worthy of the spirit of the aforementioned series. The way the main female goes inside her head and then how the real world comes crashing into this internal monologue is really effective. Serves as a good test if you're unsure if you should buy this for friends or family. If they like this story, then the rest they should have no trouble with it.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A glimpse into a wildly creative mind September 21, 2012
By Ross M
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In "Porn Gnomes" the author has crafted a stunning range of short stories which all display creative genius. I'm truly astounded at the breadth and range of tales that Mr. Chapman has crafted here for our consumption. The works here range from the absurd to the macabre, yet each one left me wanting more. I sped through this book as rapidly as I could flip the pages, stealing precious time away from work in the process (sorry boss!). I will agree with an early reviewer that it's obvious this is a freshman venture - at times the humor falls flat, and the dialogue isn't quite as snappy as I would like. No one is going to confuse Mr. Chapman with Aaron Sorkin any time soon. Importantly, however, there were only a handful of typos and grammatical errors, an issue that often plagues self-published works to a degree that makes them near-impossible to read. Mr. Chapman's work was more blemish free than some professionally published works I've read. All that being said, I honestly felt privileged to have just a few glimpses into the wild and amazing imagination of the author. At this price the book is absolutely undervalued - HIGHLY recommended for anyone looking for a quick escape into surrealism, and I can't wait for the author's next collection of works!
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Super cute and funny. All the cool kids read this. All the lame-os won't read this.
Published 3 months ago by Panda R
5.0 out of 5 stars There is not enough praise...
I just don't have the time or space to tell you why you should read this book.
The author must have a masters degree in marketing. Read more
Published 17 months ago by Keith H. Sullivan Jr.
5.0 out of 5 stars Extremely surprised
Chapman's creativity is on par with Asimov when it comes to story lines. It is the opposite of sci fi where "It is not the robots, but we humans who are the monsters!"
Published 18 months ago by exarox
5.0 out of 5 stars Well, that was different.
I have to admit that porn and gnomes was something I ever expected to be put together like that, but it worked somehow. Keep it up, Mr. Chapman.
Published 19 months ago by Noname Noplace
4.0 out of 5 stars Funny and more funny....
Gotta love this book of shorts. Love learning about the bathroom gnomes and their battles with the sewer trolls. Who would've thought they were so creative? lol. Read more
Published 19 months ago by Hippy_Lettuce
5.0 out of 5 stars Good stories
Very clever. The last story about the companion of dust devils is fun. I am reminded a bit of Harlan Ellison.
Published 21 months ago by James A
5.0 out of 5 stars A Very Entertaining Collection
I really enjoyed this collection of short stories. There is really a little bit of something I think everyone could enjoy. Especially in a horror and fantasy arena. Read more
Published on May 4, 2013 by Michael P. McParland
5.0 out of 5 stars A great mix of stories, each worth the price of the whole
The author does a good job spanning several genres across the stories, and each was strong enough to justify the price. Read more
Published on September 22, 2012 by JMcSh
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