Portrait of a Marriage [Paperback]

Nigel Nicolson (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 1, 1994

The marriage was that between the two writers, Vita Sackville-West and Harold Nicolson and the portrait is drawn partly by Vita herself in an autobiography which she left behind at her death in 1962 and partly by her son, Nigel. It was one of the happiest and strangest marriages there has ever been. Both Vita and Harold were always in love with other people and each gave the other full liberty 'without enquiry or reproach', knowing that their love for each other would be unaffected and even strengthened by the crises which it survived. This account of their love story is now a modern classic.

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Nigel Nicolson is the son of the politician, diarist and biographer Harold Nicolson, and the poet and writer Vita Sackville-West who restored Sissinghurst Castle in Kent, now a property of the National Trust. The family were close friends with Virginia and Leonard Woolf. Nicolson was the co-founder of Weidenfeld & Nicolson, was a Conservative MP in the 1950s and is the author of fifteen previous books.

Product Details

• Paperback: 224 pages
• Publisher: Phoenix House (September 1, 1994)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1857990609
• ISBN-13: 978-1857990607
• Product Dimensions: 5.1 x 0.8 x 7.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 9.1 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,112,734 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

35 of 37 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A poetic examination of a very special relationship., July 21, 1997

By A Customer

This review is from: Portrait of a Marriage (Hardcover)

What a shame that this book is out of print!

Portrait of a Marriage is perhaps the most
eloquent examination of the possibilties and
limitations of marriage as it occurs in our
culture today. The story of Harold Nicolson
and Vita Sackville-West as told by their son,
Nigel, Portrait of a Marriage illuminates the
intimate mechanics of one of the most unusual
of relationships, a marriage in which each
partner has his or her dalliances on the side,
but to which each returns as a ship to its
home port.

A reading of Portrait of a Marriage puts to
shame the base, simplistic rhetoric so often
bandied about around marriage, sexuality, and
relationships, and instead allows the reader
clearly to see into the complex and wonderful
world of two unusual people in love. And what
is wonderful about Nicolson's writing is that
he makes telling the truth about relationships
seem so easy and natural, as if all anyone has
to do to tell a good love story is to step out
of the way. Would that those praters debating
the morality of that kind of relationship or
this kind of marriage or such and such kind of
life-style choice could read Portrait of a
Marriage. In its wake, the idea of love being
subject to logic or laws dissolves.

If you are at all interested in the history
of marriage, or if you just like a good
romance, read this book. On the sea of
writing about love and relationships, it's one
of the buoys.

26 of 27 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Remarkable Journey, July 23, 2002

By 

D. A Wend (Arlington Heights, IL USA) - See all my reviews
(TOP 1000 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Portrait of a Marriage (Hardcover)

I have had a copy of "Portrait of a Marriage" since it was published in 1973. For me, it has been a revelation on marriage, but it is also a story of two remarkable people: Vita Sackville-West and Harold Nicolson. Nigel Nicolson relates the story of his mother's Sapphic affair with Violet (whose mother was the mistress of Edward VII) with great detachment, allowing Vita to speak for herself in the form of a secret diary. The non-conformity of this marriage was the reason for its success and that it survived love affairs and differing interests speaks to us of the toleration, forgiveness and understanding that is lacking between so many married people. This book was not put together by Nigel Nicolson as a guide to married life but is a story of the adventure of living.

It was from reading this book that I gained a deep interest in Vita and Harold. I have read many of their books and paid the ultimate pilgrimage of a visit to Sissinghurst. So, I highly recommend "Portrait of a Marriage" for the writing, an enlightening account of two people and a unique experience for the reader.

5.0 out of 5 stars A Passionate Affair within an Unconventional Marriage, January 8, 2012

By 

David Valentino (USA) - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Portrait of a Marriage (Paperback)

Interestingly, in her tribute and spoof of her dear friend Vita Sackville-West, Virginia Woolf framed the questions that Nigel Nicolson attempted answering by surrounding his mother's confession of her affair with Violet Trefusis with his own apologia for her various affairs. Toward the end of ORLANDO, Woolf placed these thoughts in the mind of Vita's personification, Lady Orlando: "She was married, true; but if one's husband was always sailing round Cape Horn, was it marriage? If one liked him, was it marriage? And finally, if one still wished, more than anything in the whole world, to write poetry, was it marriage?" She answered, "She had her doubts."

Of course, Woolf was writing fiction and a humorous tribute, a well as a send up of Victorian biography, so she probably didn't believe her answer, and certainly Vita, Harold, and Nigel didn't. Doubtless, Nigel's parents had a decidedly unconventional marriage. It was a marriage, though, and something of a perfect one for them, one conducted much times at a distance, in obsessive letter writing, often from necessity as Harold Nicolson served as a diplomat until 1929 and then as a politician and writer, and laced on both sides with homosexual affairs. Vita and Harold wrote constantly, both producing numerous highly regarded works of fiction, criticism, she poetry, as well as diaries, and Vita's gardening books (the National Trust now owns and maintains their second home Sissinghurst Castle and its gardens, a passion they shared). And writing, by its nature, is a solitary profession.

In PORTRAIT OF A MARRIAGE, Vita works out her own feelings about her just concluding affair with Violet Trefusis, an impassioned three-year romp through England and over Europe that came within a hare's breath of ruining her marriage; that would have sunk any ordinary marriage if not for upper class social convention (ironically, what she and Violet professed to be rebelling against), strong-willed mothers, and an almost unbelievably tolerant and loving husband. She came to understand fully Harold's love for her and her for him, and suffered and wrote of her guilt for tormenting him.

That is the crux of PORTRAIT OF A MARRIAGE: in their own ways, Vita and Harold loved each other. It may not have been a conventional love or marriage; nonetheless, the foundation of their relationship was love and respect for each other. Nigel brings out their love in what must have been a difficult assignment for a son.

Highly recommended to be read with an open mind. For more on Vita, an ever-fascinating woman, read the standard biography by Victoria Glendinning, VITA: THE LIFE OF V. SACKVILLE-WEST. For more on her affair with Violet Trefusis, who became a fine writer herself, see Professor Mitchell A. Leaska's introduction to VIOLET TO VITA: THE LETTERS OF VIOLET TREFUSIS TO VITA SACKVILLE-WEST, 1910-1921. And do read Vita's works, still worthy of your attention.

Finally, a picture is worth a thousands words. This edition contains perhaps my favorite photo of Vita and Harold. They are on their way to the Scott hearing (Vita's mother's contested inheritance of a fortune from Sir John Murray "Seery" Scott) on July 4, 1913, where Vita is to present testimony. A paparazzi of the era snapped it a few months preceding her marriage to Harold on October 1, 1913. From left to right, are Harold, a very great space, Vita tightly next to Rosamund Grosvenor, then Lord Sackville slightly ahead. Nothing special you might say, except that Rosamund and Vita were lovers, though few viewing the photo at the time would have known.