Positive Pushing: How to Raise a Successful and Happy Child [Hardcover]

James Taylor (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 10, 2002

Parents often wonder -- "Are we pushing our children too much, or too little"

What do kids really need to be successful and happy people For parents, how they answer this question will determine how they will raise their children, what lessons their children will learn, what values they will adopt, and, ultimately, what kinds of adults they will become.

Taylor, an experienced doctor of psychology, gives parents clear and balanced instruction on how to encourage children just enough to produce a happy, successful, satisfied achiever. Pushed properly, Taylor believes, children will grow into adults ready to tackle life's many challenges. Using his three-pillared approach, Taylor focuses on self-esteem, ownership, and emotional mastery, and maintains that rather than being a means of control, pushing should be both a source of motivation and a catalyst for growth which can instill important values in children's lives. He teaches parents how to temper their own expectations to suit their children's emotional, intellectual, and physical development, and identifies common red flags that indicate when a child is being pushed too hard -- or not enough.

Whether a child's potential for achievement lies in academics, the arts, sports, or other areas, Dr. Taylor's insight and guidance will push parents, teachers, and coaches to nurture children into successful and happy adults.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Pushy parents have gotten a bad rap, says psychologist and achievement coach Jim Taylor. In Positive Pushing, Taylor contrasts the old-style pushing of parents overinvested in their kid's report cards and soccer scores with the positive pushing of parents who invite children to gain joy from and mastery in their accomplishments. "Success without happiness is not success at all," he explains.

In building a model of successful achievers, Taylor skewers the self-esteem movement for protecting kids from disappointment and mistakes--the very experiences that build sturdy self-regard. He urges parents to separate their needs from their children's. His marching orders are clear and compelling: guide kids to discover a passion; express love apart from achievement; create a human being, not a "human doing"; use boundaries to construct a safe harbor; and demand accountability. Most important, put kids in charge by teaching them that the results they produce depend on their efforts and actions. Taylor describes red-flag warnings to keep parents on course and offers smart questions for helping kids command their achievements, asking, for example, "Why do you want to do this?" and "What would make this a really great experience for you?"

At times, Taylor's unique approach is undercut by a tendency to quote other sources. Still, his own fresh and insightful words will inspire every parent who reads this book. --Barbara Mackoff

From Publishers Weekly

Taylor, a psychologist who has worked with young achievers in sports, education and the performing arts for 17 years, helps parents determine how to give their child encouragement and the emotional resources not only to succeed but to deal with success in a healthy way. Arguing that pushing is necessary for children to take risks and discover their strengths, he advises parents how to push while focusing on self-esteem, ownership and emotional mastery what he calls the three pillars of successful achievers. Taylor stresses the importance of parental involvement, but warns that many parents go overboard, getting too involved in their child's achievements and denying the child "ownership" of their own experiences. Instead, Taylor suggests parents help their child focus on the process rather than a winning outcome, and keep a balance in their life. To wit, he provides useful guidelines for how much time should be spent on achievement activities, and recommends not more than two such activities per child to ensure that they don't infringe on playtime and family time. In each chapter, he lists "red flags" warning signs in children's behavior that indicate parents are pushing too much or too little. Taylor's thoughtful, clear-eyed approach to a controversial subject will be appreciated by parents raising kids in a competitive world.
Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 304 pages
• Publisher: Hyperion; 1 edition (April 10, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0786868775
• ISBN-13: 978-0786868773
• Product Dimensions: 9.4 x 6.4 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.3 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (31 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #211,324 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

17 of 18 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Best Book on Parenting Since Dr. Spock!, May 21, 2002

By 

Warren Witherell (Lake George, NY) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Positive Pushing: How to Raise a Successful and Happy Child (Hardcover)

This is an astoundingly good book. There is more common sense and sound advice between its covers than I have seen in 40 years of reading on child psychology and parenting strategies. (I am a retired school Headmaster, teacher, and coach of world-class athletes). Positive Pushing has special relevance to parents of 'high achievers', but it is equally valuable for all parents who simply want to help their children be the best they can be. Dr. Taylor focuses on developing value systems, a strong work ethic, self-confidence, ownership, responsibility, self-respect, etc. But this is no 'feel good book.' Dr. Taylor insists that kids must DO POSITIVE THINGS in order to feel good about themselves and to become constructive and successful adults. There is no 'psycho babble' in this book. It is all plain English and common sense. Parents are coached on how to teach their kids that one of the true joys in life is experiencing the process of achieving. Here are some quotes that should whet a reader's appetite: 'A funny thing happens when you raise the bar. People find a way to get over it, once they realize it is expected. Human beings can do amazing things -- if they're asked to.' 'Positive pushing emphasizes creating options for children from which they can choose a direction, and stressing that doing nothing is not an option.' 'You need to strike a balance between giving your child the first push toward achievement in terms of direction, opportunities and resources, and then stepping back and enabling her to to find her own personal connection with the activity. Your involvement must shift from direction and guidance to encouragement and freedom.' This is good stuff. Dr. Taylor draws on many years of experience working with athletes and parents from little league moms to olympic team members -- and also dancers, artists and musicians. The author does a good job of integrating basic principles with real-life examples. I think this book should be read by children age 13 or older as well as by their parents. I have encouraged Headmaster friends to make POSITIVE PUSHING required summer reading for all of their teachers and coaches, and to strongly urge all of their parents to read it as well. In short, this is MUST READING for anyone who is interested in raising successful and happy children. Learn more about his book at its web site.

10 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Dr. Taylor gets it re: raising successful children., July 9, 2003

By 

Rocco B. Rubino "Rocco R." (Ohio) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Positive Pushing: How to Raise a Successful and Happy Child (Paperback)

I read a fair amount of parenting books and, sad to say, many of them are little more than either "psycho-babble" or books on how to manipulate your child.

Positive Pushing is a wonderfully balanced look at this little discussed aspect of childhood; raising your children to be successful.

Dr. Taylor does a very thorough job of defining what true success is. He also does a very thorough job of delineating what the parental responsibilities are. I love the way he makes clear (throughout the book)how the parents themselves need to engage in defining their own values as well as resolving their own issues. This "parenting from the inside out" approach ensures that the parent does not work out his/her unresolved parental issues through their child, which, sadly, describes many, many parents. One of the main themes that underpines his work is "what is in the best interests of the child." If we, as a society, had our child(ren)'s best interest in the forefront of our thinking, how different our world would look!

Parents would do well to read this book together, especially as their children approach school age. Yet, this book can be read and appreciated by parents who have children in the later grades.

Caution: This is not a book one can just breeze through and "get." Dr. Taylor has buttressed his contention that children need to be positively pushed with a plethora of research, some longitudinal. He's done is homework, obviously, and the net result is this masterpiece that is destined to be an all-time classic in parenting literature.

A book I will continue to consult, both as a parent and as a (one day) counselor. As solid a book as you will ever read on child rearing.

12 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Trying too hard, April 23, 2006

By 

RomReader (TX) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Positive Pushing: How to Raise a Successful and Happy Child (Paperback)

Jim Taylor is pushing too hard in trying to resolve various parenting and parenting/adult issues in one book. He probable knows a lot about achievement but he couldn't convince me about how positive pushing/control can be with kids--he starts with a promising argument but feters out in his style of discussion. He cites good research but his own ideas/interpretations are unoriginal and unconvincing. He is also inconsistent in his opinions (i.e., unconditional love does not exist then in next sentence he says that parents are to love their kids without condition). He also talks about achieving "balance" without real-life solutions. He does have lists of behavioral solutions in the end of the chapters but they seem disjointed and almost exhaustive, making me feel more like my kids and I would be more exhausted than "balanced". The tone of his book was bland and too distancing--I found myself skimming his chapter intros. He sounds more like a motivational speaker or academician than an experienced parent (he cites kids/families he's worked with but no personal stories about his own family). For a more "balanced" approach in parenting and easier read, I recommend Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate.