The Power of Two: Secrets of a Strong and Loving Marriage [Paperback]

Susan Heitler (Author), Paula Singer (Photographer)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 1, 1997

<DIV>This book details the communication and conflict-resolution skills that happy couples use to deal with differences. Psychologist Susan Heitler clarifies the basics of collaborative dialogue and shows how these techniques can be applied to even the most sensitive issues in ways that respond to both partners' needs and help to strengthen their relationship. Use this book to learn strategies for making decisions together, resolving conflicts, recovering after upsets, and converting difficulties into opportunities for growth.</div>

Editorial Reviews

Review

“Dr. Heitler teaches the skills that make marriages successful. With easy-to-remembre guidelines and entertaining examples, she shows us how to deepen intimacy, resolve conflicts, and create satisfying dialogue to insure a joyful and lasting marriage.”
—John Gray, author of Men Are from Mars, Women are from Venus

“Put an end to the clashes that typify unhappy marriages. In a lucid, user-friendly format, Susan Heitler provides many practical and effective strategies for doing so.”
—Arnold A. Lasarrus, Ph.D., Rutgers University

“Dr. Heitler has synthesized the meat of martial therapy into one succinct volume. Reading—and sharing— The Power of Two should be the first line of defense for any couple seeking to strengthen their marriage.”
—Diane Medved, Ph.D., author of The Case Against Divorce and coauthor of The American Family: Discovering Values That Make Us Strong

“ The Power of Two is outstanding for couples seeking to understand themselves and each other better. If enough couples follow these guidelines, we would rapidly move to a new world order where marriage is transformed into a true partnership.”
—Monica McGoldrick, Director, Family Institute of New Jersey, and author of Ethnicity and Family Therapy and Genograms in Family Assessment

About the Author

<DIV>Susan Heitler, Ph.D., has practiced for eighteen years as a clinical psychologist in Denver. Her widely respected publications David Decides About Thumbsucking, From Conflict To Resolution, Working With Couples in Conflict (audio), and The Angry Couple have all become classics in their fields. Heitler is a graduate of Harvard University. She earned her doctorate from New York University, and is currently an adjunct professor at the University of Denver School of Professional Psychology.</DIV>

Product Details

• Paperback: 312 pages
• Publisher: New Harbinger Publications; 1 edition (May 1, 1997)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1572240598
• ISBN-13: 978-1572240599
• Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (11 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #46,388 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Susan Heitler, a clinical psychologist in private practice in Denver, wrote her first book, David Decides About Thumbsucking, to help parents and children to end thumbsucking habits.

In her second book, From Conflict to Resolution (1990), Dr. Heitler explained that conflicts can be handled in five main ways. Getting angry yields fights. Giving up yields depression. Doing nothing about a problem sustains anxiety and tension. Avoidance via distraction invites addictions and obsessive-compulsive disorders. The fifth and by far the best option is collaborative problem-solving to create win-win solutions.

Dr. Heitler's third book, The Power of Two, teaches win-win communication and problem-solving skills. So do The Power of Two Workbook, The Win-Win Waltz DVD, free games on www.poweroftwo.org, and online workshops at www.po2.com.

In addition, Dr. Heitler's audio CD's on anxiety, depression and couples' skills offer new perspectives for individuals who want to live more emotionally comfortable lives.

Dr. Heitler's own family attests to the effectiveness of the techniques she writes about. She and her husband, married over 35 years, have successfully raised four children, three of whom now run a company that teaches Power of Two skills over the internet. The large extended family of which Dr. Heitler and her husband are now matriarch and patriarch includes 8 grandchildren who love to gather and play together.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

47 of 48 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A wonderful book!, October 24, 1997

By A Customer

This review is from: The Power of Two: Secrets of a Strong and Loving Marriage (Paperback)

My husband and I have been married for several years, and while we've never doubted our love for one another, we have doubted the potential for a happy, peaceful, serene marriage because we ARGUE! And when I say argue, I do mean we have arguments--the hair-pulling, teeth-gnashing, kind that makes you want to just stick your fingers in your ear and hum loudly! We both read this book, and it taught us how to argue effectively, in such a way that hostility and resentment doesn't build up, and perhaps most importantly, we hear and listen to each other. The book is absolutely wonderful because it not only explains effective ways to communicate, it gives plenty of examples which show you how to apply the principles of effective arguing (this is not an oxymoron!) to your own unique situation. We had gone to two different therapists before I purchased this book--neither therapist helped. That may have been in part because my husband, an English professor (you know how English professors have reputations as being arrogant and at times condescending), would actually roll his eyes when met with the pop-psychology jargon-laden advice we were given. So you can see he wasn't exactly receptive to the idea of marriage counseling. My husband, who has willfully apotheosized Freud, could not brook what he regarded as heinous misapplication of Herr Sigmund's genius. _The Power of Two_, however, while in no way abstruse, certainly cannot be dismissed by those mates who feel they are "smarter" than the "foolish" "therapists" writing so many of the relationship books, and therefore, they dismiss them. So if you have a mate who would be reluctant to read a book because his erudition could not tolerate the subpar directives issued by these therapists, THIS BOOK IS FOR YOU!! We still have arguments, but they've drastically reduced in frequency, and because our arguments are handled in the ways Heitler suggests (which are, by the way, situation appropriate--there's no one way to handle an argument), we are able to communicate and hear each other without resorting to the frustrated voice raising that typically occurred. Also, when we are done discussing the issue at hand, we both feel relieved and satisfied rather than still irritated and frustrated like we would before. I highly recommend this book for the couple who is having trouble communicating effectively--if you feel you are not being heard, and are not hearing your mate; if you feel that you never really get an apology even when your mate apologizes; if you feel that your problems are never really resolved, but just go under the surface, then THIS IS THE BOOK FOR YOU!! I just can't recommend this book highly enough. It's just wonderful.

24 of 25 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars I married the next person I dated after I read this book!, September 23, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: The Power of Two: Secrets of a Strong and Loving Marriage (Paperback)

I don't really think I got married BECAUSE of the book. But after I read the book, I finally could see that it was possible to be married, remain an individual, and still have a deep and meaningful relationship. If you think marriage takes away your independence, read this book--it empowers you.

14 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Best book out there for improving your marriage., June 5, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: The Power of Two: Secrets of a Strong and Loving Marriage (Paperback)

Reading this book I finally can understand why my husband and I fight, and how to keep our marriage more peaceful. People shouldn't be allowed to get a marriage license until they read this book.