Customer Reviews

The Power of Two: Secrets of a Strong and Loving Marriage

5 star:		(8)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

My husband and I have been married for several years, and while we've never doubted our love for one another, we have doubted the potential for a happy, peaceful, serene marriage because we ARGUE! And when I say argue, I do mean we have arguments--the hair-pulling, teeth-gnashing, kind that makes you want to just stick your fingers in your ear and hum loudly! We both read this book, and it taught us how to argue effectively, in such a way that hostility and resentment doesn't build up, and perhaps most importantly, we hear and listen to each other. The book is absolutely wonderful because it not only explains effective ways to communicate, it gives plenty of examples which show you how to apply the principles of effective arguing (this is not an oxymoron!) to your own unique situation. We had gone to two different therapists before I purchased this book--neither therapist helped. That may have been in part because my husband, an English professor (you know how English professors have reputations as being arrogant and at times condescending), would actually roll his eyes when met with the pop-psychology jargon-laden advice we were given. So you can see he wasn't exactly receptive to the idea of marriage counseling. My husband, who has willfully apotheosized Freud, could not brook what he regarded as heinous misapplication of Herr Sigmund's genius. _The Power of Two_, however, while in no way abstruse, certainly cannot be dismissed by those mates who feel they are "smarter" than the "foolish" "therapists" writing so many of the relationship books, and therefore, they dismiss them. So if you have a mate who would be reluctant to read a book because his erudition could not tolerate the subpar directives issued by these therapists, THIS BOOK IS FOR YOU!! We still have arguments, but they've drastically reduced in frequency, and because our arguments are handled in the ways Heitler suggests (which are, by the way, situation appropriate--there's no one way to handle an argument), we are able to communicate and hear each other without resorting to the frustrated voice raising that typically occurred. Also, when we are done discussing the issue at hand, we both feel relieved and satisfied rather than still irritated and frustrated like we would before. I highly recommend this book for the couple who is having trouble communicating effectively--if you feel you are not being heard, and are not hearing your mate; if you feel that you never really get an apology even when your mate apologizes; if you feel that your problems are never really resolved, but just go under the surface, then THIS IS THE BOOK FOR YOU!! I just can't recommend this book highly enough. It's just wonderful.

I don't really think I got married BECAUSE of the book. But after I read the book, I finally could see that it was possible to be married, remain an individual, and still have a deep and meaningful relationship. If you think marriage takes away your independence, read this book--it empowers you.

Reading this book I finally can understand why my husband and I fight, and how to keep our marriage more peaceful. People shouldn't be allowed to get a marriage license until they read this book.

A few years back I was looking for a book I could use to help guide the couples I worked with in marriage counseling. A friend and fellow counselor recommended The Power of Two. After reading it for myself I was grateful. There are always complicated issues to deal with any real relationship. How we navigate those troubled waters has everything to do with how we communicate. Susan Heitler, a seasoned couples therapist, has put together a how-to-communicate guide in a user friendly format. It starts out with the basics, Talking and Listening, emphasizing the priceless value of good everyday communication. She outlines the communication pitfalls people often trip over, how to improve and then provides scripts, what not to do and then the better way. Some people find these scripts corny and contrived. I can see that, but they are also useful for couples who really don't have a clue how to receive criticism without getting defensive, give criticism without being negative or how to ask for what they need from a reluctant spouse without whining. She also gets into the more difficult challenges of communication when emotions run hot.

The content is useful, it teaches and validates; the format accessible, easy language artfully spaced on the pages. I recommend this book for all couples, not just spouses; bothers, sisters, mothers, daughters, sons and fathers have also told me this book has enhanced their relationships.

Great present for newlyweds and engaged couples. I wish I had this book when I was first married.

this is great it should be translated in many different languages..its for any man or woman married or not..for anyone who just want to live and comunicate happily :) wonderful..

So far, I have just read this book myself, but I can't wait to put into practice all of the suggestions for better communication. Now all I have to do is get a copy for my spouse and get him addicted to this "new" way of talking and listening.

Dear Dr. Heitler: I live in New York. The purpose of this e-mail is to say thank you for all of your help during a difficult time in my life. I have spent the last two years trying to figure out what I am looking for and how to have a healthy relationship. I went through a long healing process and think I am ready to get back in to dating. I am going to re-read your book because I think it is the best book I have read in how to have a successful relationship. Thank you again for all of your help. Regards, Bruce

lots of work - make sure both partners are interested - not for just one trying...

I was excited to find a book that has everything you need to know about marital communications. Very thorough and well compiled. Kudos to the author for such an in-depth approach to being married.

I was dismayed to see reference that tough childhoods cause a neurological change in people. I felt it implied that such an upbringing would be to blame for anyone who suffers from a neurological illess. Could make for a tough sell to such an audience.

However, thanks for such a thorough read.