Powerful Mate Syndrome: Reclaiming Your Strength and Purpose When Your Partner Is the Star of the Relationship [Hardcover]

Angela Wilder (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 9, 2004

A frank, practical, and uplifting guide for anyone living in the shadow of a powerful mate.

Former NBA wife and marriage and family therapy intern Angela Wilder knows all about living with a powerful mate. Through her own experiences and those of her many clients and even many friends, she has come to recognize the signs of what she calls Powerful Mate Syndrome:

- a belief that a partner's work, interests, and personality should come before one's own
- a lack of self-worth, identity, and joyful self-expression
- a loss of financial and decision-making power
- a fear of questioning, challenging, or disagreeing with one's "powerful mate" for fear of losing what is good (or even not so good) about the relationship

In this warm, supportive, and refreshingly tell-it-like-it-is book, Angela Wilder helps readers understand how they got to this destructive power imbalance in their relationship (hint: it's NOT all the other person's fault!), and she charts a simple, step-by-step path to a healthier sense of self, and a more balanced, healthy, and fulfilling relationship.

Complete with insightful and revealing quizzes, checklists, and exercises, and generously offering personal and professional anecdotes to help explain Powerful Mate Syndrome ("the other PMS"), this one-of-a-kind guide will introduce you to your "Reality Godmother" - and offer hope, and concrete solutions, for anyone who lives in the reflected glory of a powerful mate.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Wilder wrote this book after her marriage to Los Angeles Lakers star James Worthy ended in divorce. In it, she blames the break-up of their union on powerful mate syndrome, which she describes as a situation in which a person—usually a woman—experiences her mate as holding far more power in the relationship than she does. Wilder begins with her own story—she and Worthy fell in love in college, threw a lavish wedding and appeared to be a happily-ever-after couple that had it all. But deep inside, Wilder suffered because of her inferior rank in the marriage. "I enthroned [my husband] as the king of my world and, rather than doing what it took to be a powerful queen, I assumed the role as the king’s subject." Wilder goes on to share compelling stories of other people who are afflicted with powerful mate syndrome: ladies who lunch instead of finding fulfilling jobs or volunteer work, trophy wives who pay no attention to family finances and women whose husbands demand that they give up fulfilling careers to stay home and raise children. A hundred pages into her book, Wilder finally starts to offer solutions and writing exercises for women who want to reclaim power in their marriages. Unfortunately, much of the advice just scratches the surface. Suggestions such as "invest in couples counseling," "establish your own credit history separate and apart from your spouse" and "get a job!" don’t really address the deeper issues that are at play in a power-imbalanced marriage. After ending her marriage, Wilder earned a master’s degree in clinical psychology and now works as a registered marriage and family therapy intern. She seems genuinely sincere in her desire to help readers avoid the mistakes she made, but her book would be more effective if it offered fresher, more comprehensive solutions that would resound with couples at all economic levels.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

From the Inside Flap

Have you set aside your dreams and goals in favor of helping your man achieve his?
Do you hold back from voicing your opinion when it will conflict with his views or preferences?
Do you sometimes feel you're invisible?
Do you feel "happily ever after" has let you down?

Whether your mate is wealthy, famous, infamous, prominent in the community, high-achieving, or simply has a forceful, dynamic, or sexy personality, you may be suffering from this all-too-common relationship trap.

With candor, humor, and solutions that work, Angela Wilder provides hope and help, including:
* A quiz to determine whether your relationship suffers from a power imbalance
* Honest questions to ask yourself-and your mate--today
* Relationship deal-breakers every woman needs to define for herself
* Guidelines for establishing a seven-step relationship Game Plan, tailored to your values and beliefs, covering family, money, career, communication, lifestyle, and more-to help your relationship flourish and grow.

If you thought commitment was the simple "happily ever after" at the end of a fairytale, get ready to meet your new "Reality Godmother," who will help you find a path back to your most authentic self, and to a greater sense of intimacy, fulfillment, and joy.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 256 pages
• Publisher: St. Martin's Press; First Edition edition (September 9, 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0312333447
• ISBN-13: 978-0312333447
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.5 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,544,401 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Spouses of Powerful Mates must read this!, October 15, 2004

By 

Darlene March (Orange County, CA) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Powerful Mate Syndrome: Reclaiming Your Strength and Purpose When Your Partner Is the Star of the Relationship (Hardcover)

Here's a book that may be about you or someone you know. It's Angela Wilder's personal account of how she became "invisible" and an "appendage" of her powerful mate, former NBA Lakers star, Jim Worthy. The whole book is is about empowerment, but one of the best lessons is how important it is for spouses to gain control and responsibility of money matters, and why ignorance in this area is no excuse! Also, the "Create Your Own Game Plan" chapter is a must read.

5.0 out of 5 stars Entering a relationship? Marriage on your Mind or in that of your daughter's,(sister, mother, niece etc.?) Please Read this!, September 24, 2005

By 

Juanita O. Borderud - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Powerful Mate Syndrome: Reclaiming Your Strength and Purpose When Your Partner Is the Star of the Relationship (Hardcover)

Here is the book I will be buying my nieces and daughter for the holidays, for although fairytales are nice, reality has a way of bearing down hard on girlish romantic illusions.

Angela writes a down-to-earth and oh-so-important handbook on how NOT to lose yourself in your newfound life with your man. She does so with a humor and honesty that is satisfyingly honest and refreshing. By answering the quizzes and questionaires contained in the book, you can adapt the advice for your particular situation. Although happily married for 22 yrs. I still find many helpful suggestions in this fine book. A must-read.

5.0 out of 5 stars A Must Read, October 6, 2004

By 

Melinda Kolpin - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Powerful Mate Syndrome: Reclaiming Your Strength and Purpose When Your Partner Is the Star of the Relationship (Hardcover)

This is a must read book for any women-all ages and professions. The author takes us through her personal growth and reconnection to self in such a way that provides meaning to the phrase find and take care of yourself. Very positive and uplifting.