Chapter Two - Who Am I?
This simple question seems easy to answer at first. However, as soon as you start to think about it, you realize that giving your name or a description of your physical appearance does not describe the myriad of thoughts, moods, actions and reactions which comprise yourself and your life. Even a description of what you do becomes confusing, because every day you wear so many different hats. You may start the day as a wife or a husband. At work you may be a secretary, a clerk or a teacher. At lunch you may meet a friend and in the evening an acquaintance. Which of these roles that you play is you?
In each role that you play, a different facet of your personality emerges. Sometimes you might feel that you have to play so many different and opposing roles that you no longer know what sort of person you are. When you meet your boss at a party or your parents and friends come to visit at the same time, you become confused as to how to behave. Not only have you fixed yourself a special way of acting toward them, but in your mind you have also limited them to a certain role. You are only able to relate to them as "your boss" or "your parents," not as simply other human beings. Yet you are quite aware that your true identity is not defined by the role you play. How can you think of yourself? Who are you really?
What is needed is something constant, safe and stable. We get up in the morning, look in the mirror and we seem to be much the same as we were yesterday. But we all know that this is an illusion, because gradually, over time, the body is declining; it is not stable or constant. In Raja Yoga, instead of adopting this obvious bodily identification, we start with our thoughts, awareness or consciousness and identify with that, because our thoughts are always there, whatever age we are. Their content may change, but our ability to think does not.
First of all, you are a thinking, experiencing being. Thoughts are not something physical which you can experience with the physical senses. You cannot see, taste or touch a thought. Thoughts are not made up of matter or even brain cells. You are a non-physical or spiritual being. The terms self or soul are used to describe this.
Your form is the only form that cannot be destroyed. It is something so small that it cannot be divided. It is something without any physical dimension. You, the soul, are a subtle star, a point source of light energy and consciousness. This subtle form is the source of everything that you do -- all thoughts, all words, all actions. Whatever you do or say, it is you, the soul, who is performing that action through your body. The soul is like a driver and the body is the car. To be in complete control, the driver has to sit in the place where he has access to the controls and also can collect all the necessary information to make decisions. Each thought, leading to words and actions, begins with an impulse from the brain. In Raja Yoga it is considered that the soul is located in the center of the forehead in the vicinity of the brain. This knowledge provides you with a constant point of reference on which to focus your attention.
Your identity is a soul, and all the other identities -- teacher, student, man, woman, father, mother, friend, relation and so on -- are simply different roles which you, the soul, play. Good actors can play any role. They will play their roles to the best of their ability, but will never actually think: "I am Hamlet" or "I am Cleopatra." They know that however involved they are with their roles, at the end of the performance they will take off their costumes and resume their true identities. So, whatever role you, the soul, are required to play, you should understand that your true identity is a soul -- a living, spiritual, eternal being. The body is simply your temporary physical costume.
The soul has innate, peaceful, positive qualities. In meditation you can create an awareness of yourself as a soul. This naturally leads to an experience of these peaceful, positive qualities. This is what is called soul-consciousness. It is not just something to experience while in meditation, but also as you perform action. As you become more aware of who is performing each action, you gain greater control over your thoughts, feelings, words and actions. The natural consciousness of yourself as a peaceful being then fills all your actions, and the desire for peace of mind is fulfilled in a completely practical way.
In meditation you begin to think about your true identity. You let thoughts about the soul and its qualities fill your mind. Initially it doesn't matter how fast the thoughts arise as long as they are moving in the right direction. If your thoughts wander away, gently bring them back again to peaceful thoughts of the self. As you become involved in the experience of such thoughts, they will gradually start to slow down, and soon you will be able to savor them. Just as when you are given something special to eat, you eat it slowly, appreciating each mouthful for its flavor and texture, so you begin to appreciate the experience contained in each positive thought. The simple phrase I am a peaceful soul comes to life as you begin to experience it.
This is a very different approach to meditation from repeating a mantra or focusing on a candle or the rhythm of the breath. In Raja Yoga, sitting meditation is complemented by maintaining a peaceful soul-conscious state while performing everyday actions.
Through maintaining soul-consciousness in this way, you will continue to progress toward your aim of attaining constant peace of mind. A mantra is used purely for sitting meditation. In Raja Yoga, however, you will bring your thoughts in meditation directly into your daily life. This is the first and most important step in making meditation practical. As you go around doing things, you experience being a soul, acting a role through the body. Your consciousness becomes detached from your body. When you see another human being, you look beyond the name, body, race, culture, sex or age and see, with the vision of equality, a soul like yourself who is simply playing a different role. This will help you to develop the qualities needed to remain peaceful all the time, such as tolerance, patience and love.
Through understanding and experiencing your true qualities, you regain confidence and self-respect and are no longer pushed and pulled by the expectations of others. By remaining soul conscious, you will stay in your true state of peace. This is something which does, of course, take time and patient effort to practice. The reward of practice is enjoyable in itself, and the greater benefits will accumulate over time.
Meditation Practice
When you sit to meditate, choose the quietest place you can find, preferably in a room which you do not use very often. If this isn't possible, sit where the familiar objects around you won't distract your attention. Set this place aside, purely for the purpose of meditation. This mental preparation will help your concentration. Start with ten or fifteen minutes. This will gradually lengthen naturally with experience. Soft or subdued lighting will help. A meditation commentary tape can be used to guide the mind in a positive direction. These tapes are available from any Brahma Kumaris Center.
When you finish your meditation, just take a moment to reflect on what you have experienced; note how your mood has changed. This will emphasize your experiences and help you to appreciate what you are gaining through meditation. One more suggestion of great benefit is: Don't just meditate when you feel like it. The greatest progress is possible at the time when you really don't want to meditate or when you feel you can't. That's the time when you need to meditate the most!
Thoughts for Meditation
I withdraw my attention from my physical limbs and senses. . . . I focus on myself. . . .
I am listening through these ears. . . .
I am looking through these eyes. . . .
I am behind these eyes . . .
in the center of the forehead . . .
an eternal spark of life energy. . . .
This life energy empowers the body. . . .
I am a non-physical being . . .
an eternal soul. . . .
I am the actor. . . .
This body is simply my costume. . . .
I focus my thoughts on the point in the center of the forehead . . . a tiny point of conscient light. . . .
I feel completely detached from the body . . .
peaceful and light. . . .
I am a star radiating light. . . .
I find deep peace and contentment within. . . .
I now know my true self . . .
an eternal, pure, peaceful soul. . . .
I am in the ocean of peace. . . .
All conflict finishes. . . .
A deep, deep silence comes over me. . . . Om
shanti.
Om, (I am), and shanti, (peace): "I am a peaceful soul."
These thoughts are only a suggestion. Create your own similar thoughts if you prefer. Any thoughts based on the awareness of the self as a soul are valid. Think slowly and aim to experience each thought before moving on.
© 2000. All rights reserved. Reprinted from Practical Meditation by Sister Jayanti. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, without the written permission of the publisher. Publisher: Health Communications, Inc., 3201 SW 15th Street, Deerfield Beach, FL 33442.
