Customer Reviews

Premarital & Remarital Counseling: the Professional's Handbook

5 star:		(3)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

I have specialized in providing professional education and therapy to divorced, courting, and re/wedded couples since 1981. I am (a) 71, (b) a stepgrandson, stepson, and ex-stepfather and stepbrother, (c) an invited Board member of the Stepfamily Association of America, (d) a contributing editor to 'Your Stepfamily Online,' and (e) the author of six personal-growth and family-relations books.

I recommend this book to readers who want a well-organized overiew of the complex premarital and re/marital counseling process. I caution readers that the authors omit several essential points which cripples the utility of their book:

1) why and how to assess and reduce co-parents' psychological wounds from childhood (vs. divorce). The authors lay the groundwork for this, but don't guide readers on how to follow through;

2) the origin and impacts of blocked grief in adults and kids, and how to spot and reduce it. There is no entry for "grief" in the book's index;

3) co-parent unawareness of five key topics: (a) normal personality formation, composition, and function; (b) keys to high-nurturance families and relationships, (c) effective communication skills, (d) healthy 3-level grief, and (e) stepfamily realities, norms, implications, and hazards. And...

4) little effective re/marital and co-parenting help (i.e. courtship coaching, classes, informed counseling, co-parent support groups) available in most communities and the media.

In my clinical experience since 1981, these factors will often block the best-intentioned adults from following relevant re/marital and co-parenting advice. Counseling couples who are courting and re/married - specially any with existing kids - without including these factors in assessment and interventions can only be partially effective.

For more perspective on this review, see:

[...]

Every clergyperson and secular counselor who does premarital or remarital counseling should have this book. Stahmann and Hiebert have penned an incredibly comprehensive, yet accessible guide for both clergy and secular audiences.

The book begins with foundational issues such as reasons why people marry and beliefs couples tend to hold. The goals of premarital and remarital counseling are also discussed. Their brief introduction to the history of premarital counseling was interesting, though not especially helpful. Throughout the book, the authors summarize relevant findings from a large number of researchers.

This handbook covers all of the practical issues as well, from fees and number of sessions to the actual content of each session. Special emphasis is given to the couple's history together, exploring each family of origin and previous marriages (if any), and the use of premarital inventories. Among inventories, Stahmann and Hiebert review PREPARE, FOCCUS, and the Taylor-Johnson Temperament Analysis. PREPARE is used as the example for most of the book.

Several subjects are covered under "special topics." These include remarriage and stepparenting, specific marital skills, intimacy and sexuality, age-related factors, and problematic situations. The authors also consider the use of group counseling, although most of the book is written for someone counseling one couple at a time.

As a ministry student who realized that my formal seminary training would leave me unprepared for doing premarital counseling, I am grateful to have Stahmann & Hiebert's Premarital and Remarital Counseling. I recommend it along with Charles Taylor's Premarital Guidance and Anderson & Fite's Becoming Married to anyone in a similar situation.

I was pretty disappointed in this book. It didn't seem relevant at all to issues most couples face today. It seemed like it might be helpful for clergy who are counseling 20 year old virgins but not for mental health therapists or anyone counseling adults. It just really missed the mark and didn't help me at all. I already do some couples counseling and was hoping to sharpen my skills; I don't think I learned anything from this book. Again, I'd stay away from this book unless you are counseling very conservative people in a church setting.

Outstanding book that is wonderful for those who have little knowledge in this area. Much like a tool box full of tools and advice.

Overall, a good resourse for anyone interested in Premarital counseling. Where many resourses of this type focus on clergical counseling, this book is written from a counseling view rather than a clergical one. This is NOT a religious book, but traditional clergical counseling is not left out of the picture. This book is completely appropriate for both religious and secular counselors.

The book is divided into three sections:
- Foundations, which gives a history of premarital counseling, plus outlines some motivations for marriage and remarriage.
- The Counseling Process, which includes a plan for premarital therapy, including goal setting, dynamic relationship histories, family-of-origin studies, and an overview of available inventories and guidelines on how to use them.
- Special Topics, including: Remarriage and Stepparenting, Group Counseling, Communication, Valuse, Decision Making, and Finances, Intimacy and Sexuality, and special situations (very young and older first marriages, forced marriages, conflicted relationships).

Where appropriate, there are example figures and graphs, including example reports from inventories (Prepare) and techniques for use with premarital couples (two types of genograms and a dynamic relationship history).

The only issue I had with the book is that some of the references cited are quite dated, but some allowance should be made for accounting history. If you're using the book for academic purposes, make sure to check the publication year of the information cited, just to make sure it's applicable to your research.

"This book will save many thousands of marriages and will prevent many people from marrying an unsuitable partner. For couples and experts alike, all you ever need to know about preparation for marriage." Amitai Etzioni, author of The New Golden Rule: Community and Morality in a Democratic Society.

"This is the best premarital counseling guide I have seen in more than three decades. Skillfully constructed...it should not be 'on your shelf' but in your hands if you are a mental health professional or clergy member providing such assistance." William C. Nichols, Editor, Contemporary Family Therapy.