35 of 35 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Help your son stay pure, June 12, 2006
This review is from: Preparing Your Son for Every Man's Battle: Honest Conversations About Sexual Integrity (The Every Man Series) (Paperback)
This is a great book for many reasons. First off, it makes the point very clearly that a father's relationship with his sons is vitally important during the "second half of the game," the years starting with pre-adolescence. Not only are too many of us are caught up in difficult work schedules, but it gets more difficult. No longer is he that little boy who worships the ground you walk on. It's too easy to make an effort and, when you are rebuffed, just quit and hope for the best. All too easy to just figure, "well I turned out ok ... besides, maybe this is the way kids relate to their parents nowadays."
Well, Dad, that would be the worst decision you can make. This is the time of his life when he needs you more than ever. Many problems that will plague your dear son for a lifetime (including confused sexual identity, lust, pornography addiction, etc.) grow up during this period. After all, he's a good kid, but he doesn't know the ropes. Who knows how many traps are waiting for him out there - the world, the flesh, and the devil are all working against him.
The second reason the book is excellent is that it gives you a relatively painless way to go about doing what you know you should do. Many times I have struggled with starting conversations on these topics with my son, but was not quite sure where to go. I see three extremely valuable suggestions here. First off, relate stories to him. Your son probably knows little about your background. Knowing that you've faced struggles helps him to relate to you better and will probably help him to be more open sharing his own concerns and problems. This includes the dirty laundry too - such as the first time you viewed pornography. And I can't help but thinking of ol' Dad whenever some temptation comes up will help him to resist the temptation - the secret thrill is gone.
The second valuable suggestion the book makes is to create a safe place where he can "approach the throne of grace." I set up something like this in our spare bedroom years ago and it has yielded some benefits already and I expect more. Finally, the book provides suggestions of method to prompts discussion, such as reading this book and others together. These keep you going and provides a way to discuss difficult topics, and also helps answer the question "how much should I tell him and when." Certainly, you have to apply your own wisdom and knowledge of your son, but having an experienced father like Fred Stoeker making suggestions is extremely valuable, especially for those of us who never had a good role model in doing such things.
I should mention something that this book is NOT. It is not a "birds and the bees" kind of book. Although it does have some information in the early chapters, it pretty much assumes that either your son already knows the basic mechanics of sex - hopefully from your teaching over the years rather than through his friends. If you are interested, there are other good books on this subject from a Christian point of view. Where this book really comes in is helping your young man manage the resources God has given him. That is, not the mechanism of sex, but the policy of how to manage it before it starts managing him. And many of us know that sex will manage him unless he has the tools to take charge of it.
I should also note that Steve Arterburn did not write the book, it just shows up under his name. Fred Stoeker wrote it and virtually all the experiences and suggestions in the book appear to be Fred's. Some who may question Arterburn's own morality may be put at ease knowing that it's just Arterburn's name attached - the book is really Fred's. Don't pass up an extremely valuable book because somebody's name appears on the cover.
So Dad, get this book, and get on with doing what you know you should do. I think the age range of 11-13 is probably the time to start it. Don't let the "Sexual Code of Silence" continue!
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21 of 21 people found the following review helpful:
2.0 out of 5 stars
Great subject; bad execution. Expectations were too high., March 14, 2010
This review is from: Preparing Your Son for Every Man's Battle: Honest Conversations About Sexual Integrity (The Every Man Series) (Paperback)
My expectations were too high for this book. I have been disappointed for many reasons.
First, the good. This is a topic that fathers ABSOLUTELY need to cover with their sons. If they don't, someone will and this book provides some great ideas / thoughts on how to approach the subject.
My disappointment: 1) The topic order in the Dad / Son section is chaotic, swinging wildly from one topic to the next. For example, chapter 1 is about puberty, but then chapter 2 jumps straight into the mechanics of sex. There is a great gulf of information between these two topics that is left for other chapters that follow, if covered at all. It will require some serious planning to get the topics into an order that actually makes sense. 2) In the section for 11-13 year olds, the author covers his high school experiences. For the 13-15 year olds, he covers his college experiences. In my opinion, the intended audience of these sections is too young for the stories he shares. 3) There are topics that are completely absent but are extremely relevant today. Abuse, homosexuality, situational awareness, how to protect yourself (school, public, church), camera phones, sexting, and social networking are just a few of the missing topics.
Today's world is even more complex sexually than when we parents were kids. But this book is silent on many topics, reasons unknown. If you are going to do right by your sons in teaching them, you have got to cover all the topics they face in today's world, not just those we grew up with or those this author experienced. That means Dads (or Moms) are going to have to find other sources of information and uncover topics that may be uncomfortable but have to be explored and shared with our sons.
This book is one source of information on your journey. But, don't consider it the only source and certainly not the singular authority because it is quite lacking on several levels and topics in my opinion.
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21 of 21 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Fabulous Resource for Dad ....and Mom!, March 7, 2004
By A Customer
This review is from: Preparing Your Son for Every Man's Battle: Honest Conversations About Sexual Integrity (The Every Man Series) (Paperback)
Fred Stoeker and the team of EveryMan have provided an invaluable tool for equipping young man in the battle for sexual purity. Fred provides dialog and insight to the necessary discussions that will need to take place with young sons. A must have for every father. (The author does acknowledge the single mother and her plight and provides gracious assistance throughout the book.)
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