Pressured Parents, Stressed-Out Kids: Dealing with Competition While Raising a Successful Child [Paperback]

Wendy S. Grolnick (Author), Kathy Seal (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: February 19, 2008

To help panicky parents deal with the disturbing emotions stirred up by our competitive society, and to give them scientific knowledge of their children's growing years, this book offers an illuminating and accessible guide to channelling competitive anxiety into positive parenting. The authors encourage parents to avoid pushing and pressurising their offspring, instead turning fear into calm guidance. Reassuring and empathic, the book shows parents how to avoid burn-out that afflicts so many in our high octane society helping them to raise children who thrive and excel.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Parents today suffer from what Grolnick and Seal call Pressured Parent Phenomenon, constant anxiety over whether our children are as competitive as they could be. Both Grolnick, a professor of psychology at Clark University, and Seal, coauthor of Motivated Minds, are parents themselves, so they speak from both their own experiences and from research. Experiments have confirmed that competitive pressure actually dampens a child's motivation. But the authors say parents are biologically hardwired to pressure children because we know that the more competent our children are, the more likely they will pass on our genes. Plus, we have huge ego-involvement in our kids' progress. Parents need to convert their anxiety into positive parenting and encourage a child's intrinsic motivation. Parents should focus on developing children's autonomy, their confidence in their own abilities. This doesn't mean letting them do whatever they want; in fact, parents need to stay involved and connected with what the child is doing. Parents must also provide the structure a child needs to exercise competence, and Grolnick and Seal provide plenty of tips on better ways to handle those inevitable times when competitive anxiety threatens a parent's better judgment. (Jan.)
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Review

"Pressured Parents, Stressed-Out Kids is a useful guide for mothers and fathers who want to help their child succeed in school and on the playing field without driving themselves - or their youngster - crazy. The authors' advice is grounded in solid science, and well worth heeding." -- Laurence Steinberg, Professor of Psychology at Temple University and author of The Ten Basic Principles of Good Parenting

"As mothers themselves, Wendy and Kathy understand all too well how we feel, and they combine that empathy with expert advice to make this an essential book for all parents raising kids in today's high-stress society. This book explains how we as parents can instill competence, autonomy, and connectedness in our kids, helping them to find success without pushing them to the brink of breakdown. Reading this book, you will feel your feelings validated and your fears assuaged. There's no doubt the authors know what they're talking about, and with their help we'll all be raising successful and happy kids in no time." -- Stacy DeBroff, founder of MomCentral.com

"Dr. Wendy Grolnick and Kathy Seal have done stressed-out parents a great service and I wish I had had this book when my kids were little! They take on the 'pressure cooker' environment our children face - and how we inadvertently contribute to it -- and show how to let kids live and learn at their own pace. I wish all parents could read this book!" -- Roberta Michnick Golinkoff, Ph.D., H. Rodney Sharp Professor, School of Education, University of Delaware, and award-winning writer of Einstein Never Used Flash Cards and How Babies Talk.

"This is a first rate book. Even we sports fans who think competition can be good for kids have to admit that this book illuminates those moments when beating the other kid, or besting the family down the block, is distinctly unhealthy. The advice it offers to parents who feel real pain at such moments, who don't know how to control their own longing to succeed through their children, is the most sensible I have ever read." -- Jay Mathews, Washington Post columnist

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Product Details

• Paperback: 290 pages
• Publisher: Prometheus Books (February 19, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1591025664
• ISBN-13: 978-1591025665
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 6.1 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (6 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #713,505 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Important Read for Parents, April 30, 2008

By 

CrimsonGirl "homeschooling mom" (S.F. Bay Area, USA) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)   

This review is from: Pressured Parents, Stressed-Out Kids: Dealing with Competition While Raising a Successful Child (Paperback)

I've read a number of books on this topic and "Pressured Parents, Stressed-Out Kids" is by far the best. Dr. Grolnick and Ms. Seal sympathize with the pressures we parents are facing and don't seek to blame us the way certain other authors do. They offer real solutions instead of just lecturing us on the evils of overscheduling and competition. I also appreciated their emphasis on balancing autonomy with structure. They aren't in favor of permissiveness, a refreshing attitude for this type of book. Highly recommended!

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Insightful & engaging, April 9, 2008

By 

psychologist (USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Pressured Parents, Stressed-Out Kids: Dealing with Competition While Raising a Successful Child (Paperback)

A young patient of mine, one who is highly stressed by having to excel in competitive sports, saw this book in my office, read the first paragraph, about a swimmer whose mother yells "faster, faster!" and begged to bring the book to her mother. The mother and I later discussed her goals for her daughter, understanding that it was natural for her to want her daughter to win, but that her pressure was contributing to her daughter's non-compliant behavior in other areas. Since then I put several copies of Pressured Parents in my waiting room, and parents have told me that they could not put the book down, and that they found this to be one of the few parenting books that was truly helpful. The authors are extremely thoughtful; their advice is insightful and the vignettes are highly engaging.

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars From a Discerning Reader, April 10, 2008

By 

Discerning Reader (Los Angeles) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Pressured Parents, Stressed-Out Kids: Dealing with Competition While Raising a Successful Child (Paperback)

From Discerning Reader

This book is a very fluid read. It's different from a lot of other parenting books because it never makes you feel you're doing something wrong but yet you feel like you've learned something in every chapter. It explores some previously uncharted territory about parents and children. I found much of it fascinating, like the explanation of why we sometimes get unbelievably anxious about things involving our kids - for example when my son participates in a judo contest. Sometimes I really do get more anxious about stuff like that than he does! The authors say this is an evolutionary response that comes from our ancestors protecting their kids in the jungles and wilds. It gives you lots of practical tips to handle situations that you face with your kid, dilemmas about whether to push him to do things or just let her go him own way.