Autobiography of a woman and her child diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. Author shares her daily struggles and challenges. Includes appendices providing coping strategies and guidance. For the general reader as well as professionals. Softcover.
Pretending to be Normal: Living with Asperger's Syndrome
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From Kirkus Reviews
Asperger's Syndrome is one of the constellation of conditions known as autism. As both Willey and her young daughter have AS, her life story provides a startling look at how those with the syndrome experience the world. Willey grew up knowing only that she was somehow different, extremely intelligent, and extremely quirkybut accepted and valuedseems to have been the assessment of her parents, physicians, and others early in her life. Her peculiaritiesinability to find her way in unfamiliar places, and extreme aversion to people coming too close to her, to noise, to confusionbecame a devastating issue when she left home for the unfamiliar environment of college. From then on, Willey struggled mightily until she reached the safe haven of marriage to an outstandingly sympathetic partner, a fulfilling job teaching college, and motherhood. When her own daughter, one of twins, was diagnosed as an infant with Asperger's Syndrome, Willey immediately recognized herself: ``social action impairments, narrow interests, an insistence on repetitive routines, speech and language peculiarities, non-verbal communication problems and motor clumsiness . . . each of these symptoms is manifested in a variety of unique and diverse ways.'' Willey here compares her own experiences with her daughter's, her daughter's with her twin sister, who doesn't have AS, and the childhood peak in intensity of her daughter's symptoms with her own waning symptoms in middle age. In her appendices Willey offers extensive practical help and resources to AS sufferers. But even those not directly affected by AS will find this an eye-opening view into a parallel world. -- Copyright ©1999, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved.
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More About the Author
Liane Holliday Willey is an author, avid horsewoman and owner of an equestrian show barn. She has her doctorate of education with a specialty in pschyolinguistics. She taught at the university level for over 15 years. Liane likes to share her experiences of living with Asperger's syndrome with audiences world wide, including in her presentations humor and positive insight along with the real and not so happy memories she has gathered in her almost 50 years. A good day for Liane includes time with her children, a ride on her horse, late hours with a good book and lots of TV. You can reach Liane at aspienews@yahoo.com or kirkshirefarm@yahoo.com.
Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
337 of 349 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
I am proud of this writer for sharing her insights. The Autism Spectrum has many variations. She is definately on the highest end of the functional curve. It took me 40 years to understand enough about humans, their world with its complex social instituational and workplace expectations to keep a job. I only barely function well enough to remain employed now with lots of help. I manage my autistic issues within the parameters of most human social tolerances. I have mastered living alone in human society with few exceptions.
I picked up the book upon reading the first few pages most of her experiences were immediately familiar to me. I guess where she and I diverge is in the fact she has done so well socializing with the humans. She also seems to have an understanding of human society, culture and its sophisticated ways that shocks me. My struggle has been hard, I have come from total backwardness to bare basics functionality in this world. I am not jealous of her success I respect it but she sounds so normal and in control it scares me.
I guess thats the problem. She sounds as if she has everything about her AS under control. For me managing the anger and other issues associated with tantrums, desires to self mutalate, desires to fight those who touch me, make sudden loud noises among other things is a constant battle I am not always so certain I will win. Many times if things get too rough at work I have no alternative but to leave before I lose control and revert to feral instinct driven primal less appropriate resolutions of workplace situations.
Her book almost frightens me because for some on the AS spectrum things are not that neat, cut, dry and controlled. I am so happy she does not have to deal with the uncontrolled issues threatening to get away I manage every moment, but I wish I knew how she managed to get things set up so nice. I still do not socialize well at all. I have no connection with anyone outside work. I do not socialize with family not because I do not want to, I LOVE my family, I just do not know how to establish and maintain connections with humans in situations that do not involve meeting a deadline or completing a structured task. Human relationships outside work have no structure and I am a lost foolish thing in such circumstances. The writer seems as adept plying the waters of human interpersonal relations as any so called neuro-typical human.
She seems to have decoded even mastered the human equation expectations model far better than I have in my lifetime of trying. Me I am just struggling to stay afloat on the vast unforgiving sea of human reality. I must be satisfied to barely survive among humans in their society; as the best I can do is just enough to keep from being rejected from my job and institutionalized. I never even thought someone with AS could understand this world well enough to interact among the humans on advanced levels this writer has reached. The writer is doing more than just surviving among humans its almost as if she has mastered things in the human world I still do not know exist.
This book is a great read and worth buying but please do not think all people with AS have it this easy. Please know that if you have AS you have a good chance of being successful in your chosen field if you stick with it and let NO ONE stand in your way. This book paints a picture of a person with AS that has had the best possible outcome which you must understand is extremely rare. My only problem with this book is I hope it does not give false hope to those struggling with the issues associated with living with AS or living on the spectrum. Please know that for most people with AS you will likely succeed if you try with all your heart. Just know that success in life will MORE LIKELY THAN NOT be a constant often painful struggle at college, on the job, at home and expecially in unstructured social situations among humans. Success in this human reality will more likely be a fight to survive in the storm of adversity not a cake walk in the sunshine of bright smiling faces that is this writers experience.
I picked up the book upon reading the first few pages most of her experiences were immediately familiar to me. I guess where she and I diverge is in the fact she has done so well socializing with the humans. She also seems to have an understanding of human society, culture and its sophisticated ways that shocks me. My struggle has been hard, I have come from total backwardness to bare basics functionality in this world. I am not jealous of her success I respect it but she sounds so normal and in control it scares me.
I guess thats the problem. She sounds as if she has everything about her AS under control. For me managing the anger and other issues associated with tantrums, desires to self mutalate, desires to fight those who touch me, make sudden loud noises among other things is a constant battle I am not always so certain I will win. Many times if things get too rough at work I have no alternative but to leave before I lose control and revert to feral instinct driven primal less appropriate resolutions of workplace situations.
Her book almost frightens me because for some on the AS spectrum things are not that neat, cut, dry and controlled. I am so happy she does not have to deal with the uncontrolled issues threatening to get away I manage every moment, but I wish I knew how she managed to get things set up so nice. I still do not socialize well at all. I have no connection with anyone outside work. I do not socialize with family not because I do not want to, I LOVE my family, I just do not know how to establish and maintain connections with humans in situations that do not involve meeting a deadline or completing a structured task. Human relationships outside work have no structure and I am a lost foolish thing in such circumstances. The writer seems as adept plying the waters of human interpersonal relations as any so called neuro-typical human.
She seems to have decoded even mastered the human equation expectations model far better than I have in my lifetime of trying. Me I am just struggling to stay afloat on the vast unforgiving sea of human reality. I must be satisfied to barely survive among humans in their society; as the best I can do is just enough to keep from being rejected from my job and institutionalized. I never even thought someone with AS could understand this world well enough to interact among the humans on advanced levels this writer has reached. The writer is doing more than just surviving among humans its almost as if she has mastered things in the human world I still do not know exist.
This book is a great read and worth buying but please do not think all people with AS have it this easy. Please know that if you have AS you have a good chance of being successful in your chosen field if you stick with it and let NO ONE stand in your way. This book paints a picture of a person with AS that has had the best possible outcome which you must understand is extremely rare. My only problem with this book is I hope it does not give false hope to those struggling with the issues associated with living with AS or living on the spectrum. Please know that for most people with AS you will likely succeed if you try with all your heart. Just know that success in life will MORE LIKELY THAN NOT be a constant often painful struggle at college, on the job, at home and expecially in unstructured social situations among humans. Success in this human reality will more likely be a fight to survive in the storm of adversity not a cake walk in the sunshine of bright smiling faces that is this writers experience.
107 of 107 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
I am diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome and compared to Liane I have been a lot less successful at having a more mainstream life. If I don't tell people I have Asperger syndrome they think I am strange, stupid, and unpleasant. If I do tell people I have Asperger syndrome the first thing they always say is how `normal' I seem despite it. I guess telling people you have AS lowers their expectations of you and the standards they judge you by, totally altering their perception of what you are like.
There is no question that Liane has been more successful at living a normal life than the majority of people on the autistic spectrum manage, which is no doubt why she chose the title `Pretending to be Normal'. There are many thousands of people like her who have always been different but who have found ways to fit in, deep down though they perhaps feel they are not being as true to themselves as they could be... they might feel ashamed of the secret difficulties they are so good at hiding and overcoming, or they may resent other people not being aware of the effort they are putting in all the time to keep up appearances.
It's easy for neurotypical readers to complain that she was not as severely afflicted as they were hoping, or that she doesn't fit the rain man stereotype of autism they like to cling to, but that is totally missing the point... if this book has one message it is that amongst the wide diversity of the autistic spectrum there are at one extreme people like Liane, and because the problems they experience are hidden they are in many ways more alone and isolated than those for whom they are more obvious. Why shouldn't she tell her story? It is as valid as anybody else's.
This was the first book written by someone else with Asperger syndrome that I ever read and I thoroughly enjoyed it, though as I caution all the time, if you were only going to read one book and this one was it, it would not give you the complete picture.
It has several very practical and useful appendices covering subjects like disclosure, coping strategies, and organisation. Ultimately I think this book is most suitable for those who suspect themselves AS after the diagnosis of a child like the author, but it would be an interesting read for anybody.
There is no question that Liane has been more successful at living a normal life than the majority of people on the autistic spectrum manage, which is no doubt why she chose the title `Pretending to be Normal'. There are many thousands of people like her who have always been different but who have found ways to fit in, deep down though they perhaps feel they are not being as true to themselves as they could be... they might feel ashamed of the secret difficulties they are so good at hiding and overcoming, or they may resent other people not being aware of the effort they are putting in all the time to keep up appearances.
It's easy for neurotypical readers to complain that she was not as severely afflicted as they were hoping, or that she doesn't fit the rain man stereotype of autism they like to cling to, but that is totally missing the point... if this book has one message it is that amongst the wide diversity of the autistic spectrum there are at one extreme people like Liane, and because the problems they experience are hidden they are in many ways more alone and isolated than those for whom they are more obvious. Why shouldn't she tell her story? It is as valid as anybody else's.
This was the first book written by someone else with Asperger syndrome that I ever read and I thoroughly enjoyed it, though as I caution all the time, if you were only going to read one book and this one was it, it would not give you the complete picture.
It has several very practical and useful appendices covering subjects like disclosure, coping strategies, and organisation. Ultimately I think this book is most suitable for those who suspect themselves AS after the diagnosis of a child like the author, but it would be an interesting read for anybody.
118 of 122 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
My 9-yr-old son was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome after five very frustrating years spent in public school trying to figure out "what was wrong" with him. When he was diagnosed, I had never even heard of Asperger's Syndrome, however, when I was 6 I was diagnosed with Hyperactivity, ADD, "Autism-like-tendencies", "anti-social behaviors" and aggressive personality disorder (along with having an IQ over 130) I have been researching Asperger's Syndrome to try and help my son, but reading this book was like reading my own autobiography. In my egocentric way of thinking, I have thought for over 40 years that I was the only adult who had these personality quirks, social interaction difficulties and problems with skills and coordination, etc. I just assumed that these were personality flaws that I should be able to conquer. I wish that I could meet the author, give her a hug and tell her "hey---I am just like you." This book is a MUST for teachers, nurses, social workers and school counselors who work with autistic and Asperger's children--it gives an insight into Asperger's like no other book on this subject that I have ever read.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Excellent strategies for coping with AS and describing AS in females
Ms. Willey winds up being self-congratulatory about her disability and this left me, a fellow Aspie, with a bad feeling. Having said that, I do thank Ms. Read more
Published 6 days ago by E. Stockdale Wolfe
Very Misleading For Families Needing Help
My daughter-in-law has Asperger's Syndrome. She has destroyed every branch of our family. She is now in the process of pushing her yound children to suicide. Read more
Published 3 months ago by goodmetasyn
An aspie writes her experience, but needed a better editor.
Read the Appendices: they're lists of short thoughts relating to practical advice on how to live with the neurotypicals as a person with Asperger's. Read more
Published 4 months ago by Maven at Large
Useful for me and interesting
I have seen this book referenced all over and finally got around to reading it. I should have read it long ago. Read more
Published 5 months ago by nonneurotypical
Young female real life from the aspie point of view ...
An accounting of the real growing-up experiences of an intelligent young girl with (then-undiagnosed) Asperger's Syndrone from early elementary school through high school and... Read more
Published 8 months ago by Ralph M.Cox
Any insight into Asperger's is valuable...
What people need most to know about Asperger's Syndrome is that those with AS, like anyone with an autism spectrum disorder, are similar, yet different. Read more
Published 9 months ago by Susan
Eye opening
This is a glimpse into a world that most of us "NORMALS" never knew existed. One cannot read this work without much introspection into your own life and family. Read more
Published 12 months ago by Neil L. Hurst
Pretending to Be Normal: Living With Asperger's Syndrome by Liane...
So, with two sons on the spectrum and from a family who have their fair share of 'differences' one tends to wonder, 'What about me?'. Read more
Published 12 months ago by kaypea
Enlightening!
As the wife of an Aspie, I want to know all I can about the way the Asperger brain works. This book is excellent for just that. It's not a guide, but a life story. Read more
Published 13 months ago by Tia
Very much helpful
I am new to AS with a stepson that was diagnosised four years ago. It is an incrediblely different world that the AS person lives in. Read more
Published 15 months ago by M. Lisa
Inside This Book
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First Sentence:
There are days when I stand on a precipice, precariously ready to fall beyond whom I am and into someone whom I cannot really believe I ever was; someone I beg never to become again. Read the first page Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
sensory perception problems, sensory integration dysfunction, autistic spectrum disorders, rigid thinking Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
Asperger's Syndrome New!
Books on Related Topics | Concordance | Text Stats Browse Sample Pages:
Front Cover | Table of Contents | First Pages | Back Cover | Surprise Me!
There are days when I stand on a precipice, precariously ready to fall beyond whom I am and into someone whom I cannot really believe I ever was; someone I beg never to become again. Read the first page Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
sensory perception problems, sensory integration dysfunction, autistic spectrum disorders, rigid thinking Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
Asperger's Syndrome New!
Books on Related Topics | Concordance | Text Stats Browse Sample Pages:
Front Cover | Table of Contents | First Pages | Back Cover | Surprise Me!
Citations (learn more)
This book cites 9
books:
See all 9 books this book cites
52
books
cite this book:
See all 52 books citing this book
- Handbook of Autism and Pervasive Developmental Disorders by Donald J. Cohen in Back Matter
- Teaching Your Child the Language of Social Success by Marshall P. Duke in Back Matter
- An Asperger Marriage by Chris Slater-Walker in Front Matter
- The Out-of-Sync Child: Recognizing and Coping with Sensory Integration Dysfunction by Carol Stock Kranowitz in Back Matter
- Thinking in Pictures by Temple Grandin in Back Matter
See all 9 books this book cites
- Asperger Syndrome in Adolescence: Living With the Ups, the Downs and Things in Between by Liane Holliday Willey on 4 pages
- Congratulations! It's Asperger Syndrome by Jen Birch in Front Matter, page 240, and page 258
- Home Educating Our Autistic Spectrum Children: Past, Present and Futures by Terri Dowty in Front Matter, and Back Matter
- Asperger's and Self-Esteem: Insight and Hope through Famous Role Models by Norm Ledgin on page 165, and Back Matter
- Asperger Syndrome and Psychotherapy: Understanding Asperger Perspectives by Paula Jacobsen in Front Matter, and page 62
See all 52 books citing this book
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