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Pretending to Be Normal: Living With Asperger's Syndrome Paperback – May 1, 1999

130 customer reviews

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From Kirkus Reviews

Asperger's Syndrome is one of the constellation of conditions known as autism. As both Willey and her young daughter have AS, her life story provides a startling look at how those with the syndrome experience the world. Willey grew up knowing only that she was somehow different, extremely intelligent, and extremely quirkybut accepted and valuedseems to have been the assessment of her parents, physicians, and others early in her life. Her peculiaritiesinability to find her way in unfamiliar places, and extreme aversion to people coming too close to her, to noise, to confusionbecame a devastating issue when she left home for the unfamiliar environment of college. From then on, Willey struggled mightily until she reached the safe haven of marriage to an outstandingly sympathetic partner, a fulfilling job teaching college, and motherhood. When her own daughter, one of twins, was diagnosed as an infant with Asperger's Syndrome, Willey immediately recognized herself: ``social action impairments, narrow interests, an insistence on repetitive routines, speech and language peculiarities, non-verbal communication problems and motor clumsiness . . . each of these symptoms is manifested in a variety of unique and diverse ways.'' Willey here compares her own experiences with her daughter's, her daughter's with her twin sister, who doesn't have AS, and the childhood peak in intensity of her daughter's symptoms with her own waning symptoms in middle age. In her appendices Willey offers extensive practical help and resources to AS sufferers. But even those not directly affected by AS will find this an eye-opening view into a parallel world. -- Copyright ©1999, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved.

About the Author

Liane Holliday Willey is a doctor of education, a writer and a researcher who specialises in the fields of psycholinguistics and learning style differences. Dr Willey has a wonderful husband, three happy children, dedicated parents and an active social life. She also has Asperger's Syndrome, just like her youngest daughter.

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 173 pages
  • Publisher: Jessica Kingsley Publishers; 1 edition (July 15, 1999)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1853027499
  • ISBN-13: 978-1853027499
  • Product Dimensions: 6.1 x 0.4 x 9.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (130 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #117,427 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

397 of 413 people found the following review helpful By THE AUTISTIC WEREWOLF on January 23, 2005
Format: Paperback
I am proud of this writer for sharing her insights. The Autism Spectrum has many variations. She is definately on the highest end of the functional curve. It took me 40 years to understand enough about humans, their world with its complex social instituational and workplace expectations to keep a job. I only barely function well enough to remain employed now with lots of help. I manage my autistic issues within the parameters of most human social tolerances. I have mastered living alone in human society with few exceptions.

I picked up the book upon reading the first few pages most of her experiences were immediately familiar to me. I guess where she and I diverge is in the fact she has done so well socializing with the humans. She also seems to have an understanding of human society, culture and its sophisticated ways that shocks me. My struggle has been hard, I have come from total backwardness to bare basics functionality in this world. I am not jealous of her success I respect it but she sounds so normal and in control it scares me.

I guess thats the problem. She sounds as if she has everything about her AS under control. For me managing the anger and other issues associated with tantrums, desires to self mutalate, desires to fight those who touch me, make sudden loud noises among other things is a constant battle I am not always so certain I will win. Many times if things get too rough at work I have no alternative but to leave before I lose control and revert to feral instinct driven primal less appropriate resolutions of workplace situations.

Her book almost frightens me because for some on the AS spectrum things are not that neat, cut, dry and controlled.
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132 of 134 people found the following review helpful By Suzie on February 11, 2006
Format: Paperback
I am diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome and compared to Liane I have been a lot less successful at having a more mainstream life. If I don't tell people I have Asperger syndrome they think I am strange, stupid, and unpleasant. If I do tell people I have Asperger syndrome the first thing they always say is how `normal' I seem despite it. I guess telling people you have AS lowers their expectations of you and the standards they judge you by, totally altering their perception of what you are like.

There is no question that Liane has been more successful at living a normal life than the majority of people on the autistic spectrum manage, which is no doubt why she chose the title `Pretending to be Normal'. There are many thousands of people like her who have always been different but who have found ways to fit in, deep down though they perhaps feel they are not being as true to themselves as they could be... they might feel ashamed of the secret difficulties they are so good at hiding and overcoming, or they may resent other people not being aware of the effort they are putting in all the time to keep up appearances.

It's easy for neurotypical readers to complain that she was not as severely afflicted as they were hoping, or that she doesn't fit the rain man stereotype of autism they like to cling to, but that is totally missing the point... if this book has one message it is that amongst the wide diversity of the autistic spectrum there are at one extreme people like Liane, and because the problems they experience are hidden they are in many ways more alone and isolated than those for whom they are more obvious. Why shouldn't she tell her story? It is as valid as anybody else's.
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148 of 156 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on May 24, 2002
Format: Paperback
My 9-yr-old son was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome after five very frustrating years spent in public school trying to figure out "what was wrong" with him. When he was diagnosed, I had never even heard of Asperger's Syndrome, however, when I was 6 I was diagnosed with Hyperactivity, ADD, "Autism-like-tendencies", "anti-social behaviors" and aggressive personality disorder (along with having an IQ over 130) I have been researching Asperger's Syndrome to try and help my son, but reading this book was like reading my own autobiography. In my egocentric way of thinking, I have thought for over 40 years that I was the only adult who had these personality quirks, social interaction difficulties and problems with skills and coordination, etc. I just assumed that these were personality flaws that I should be able to conquer. I wish that I could meet the author, give her a hug and tell her "hey---I am just like you." This book is a MUST for teachers, nurses, social workers and school counselors who work with autistic and Asperger's children--it gives an insight into Asperger's like no other book on this subject that I have ever read.
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107 of 120 people found the following review helpful By Kundratula on March 2, 2005
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I was disappointed with this book. First, I was surprised to read that the author has not been formally diagnosed with AS, although she admits that fact in an early disclaimer. This becomes more of an issue as Ms. Willey asserts that her AS traits are 'melting away' with age, a possibility that is as unprecendented as it is unbelievable from her own narrative. There were parts of the author's life story that came tantalizingly close to important revelations, but never went the extra step to realization. Still, her story held my interest enough to complete it. I would recommend "The Essential Difference" by Simon Baron-Cohen more highly than this book.
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