Customer Reviews

Pretending to Be Normal: Living With Asperger's Syndrome

5 star:		(53)
4 star:		(19)
3 star:		(8)
2 star:		(7)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

I am proud of this writer for sharing her insights. The Autism Spectrum has many variations. She is definately on the highest end of the functional curve. It took me 40 years to understand enough about humans, their world with its complex social instituational and workplace expectations to keep a job. I only barely function well enough to remain employed now with lots of help. I manage my autistic issues within the parameters of most human social tolerances. I have mastered living alone in human society with few exceptions.

I picked up the book upon reading the first few pages most of her experiences were immediately familiar to me. I guess where she and I diverge is in the fact she has done so well socializing with the humans. She also seems to have an understanding of human society, culture and its sophisticated ways that shocks me. My struggle has been hard, I have come from total backwardness to bare basics functionality in this world. I am not jealous of her success I respect it but she sounds so normal and in control it scares me.

I guess thats the problem. She sounds as if she has everything about her AS under control. For me managing the anger and other issues associated with tantrums, desires to self mutalate, desires to fight those who touch me, make sudden loud noises among other things is a constant battle I am not always so certain I will win. Many times if things get too rough at work I have no alternative but to leave before I lose control and revert to feral instinct driven primal less appropriate resolutions of workplace situations.

Her book almost frightens me because for some on the AS spectrum things are not that neat, cut, dry and controlled. I am so happy she does not have to deal with the uncontrolled issues threatening to get away I manage every moment, but I wish I knew how she managed to get things set up so nice. I still do not socialize well at all. I have no connection with anyone outside work. I do not socialize with family not because I do not want to, I LOVE my family, I just do not know how to establish and maintain connections with humans in situations that do not involve meeting a deadline or completing a structured task. Human relationships outside work have no structure and I am a lost foolish thing in such circumstances. The writer seems as adept plying the waters of human interpersonal relations as any so called neuro-typical human.

She seems to have decoded even mastered the human equation expectations model far better than I have in my lifetime of trying. Me I am just struggling to stay afloat on the vast unforgiving sea of human reality. I must be satisfied to barely survive among humans in their society; as the best I can do is just enough to keep from being rejected from my job and institutionalized. I never even thought someone with AS could understand this world well enough to interact among the humans on advanced levels this writer has reached. The writer is doing more than just surviving among humans its almost as if she has mastered things in the human world I still do not know exist.

This book is a great read and worth buying but please do not think all people with AS have it this easy. Please know that if you have AS you have a good chance of being successful in your chosen field if you stick with it and let NO ONE stand in your way. This book paints a picture of a person with AS that has had the best possible outcome which you must understand is extremely rare. My only problem with this book is I hope it does not give false hope to those struggling with the issues associated with living with AS or living on the spectrum. Please know that for most people with AS you will likely succeed if you try with all your heart. Just know that success in life will MORE LIKELY THAN NOT be a constant often painful struggle at college, on the job, at home and expecially in unstructured social situations among humans. Success in this human reality will more likely be a fight to survive in the storm of adversity not a cake walk in the sunshine of bright smiling faces that is this writers experience.

I am diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome and compared to Liane I have been a lot less successful at having a more mainstream life. If I don't tell people I have Asperger syndrome they think I am strange, stupid, and unpleasant. If I do tell people I have Asperger syndrome the first thing they always say is how `normal' I seem despite it. I guess telling people you have AS lowers their expectations of you and the standards they judge you by, totally altering their perception of what you are like.

There is no question that Liane has been more successful at living a normal life than the majority of people on the autistic spectrum manage, which is no doubt why she chose the title `Pretending to be Normal'. There are many thousands of people like her who have always been different but who have found ways to fit in, deep down though they perhaps feel they are not being as true to themselves as they could be... they might feel ashamed of the secret difficulties they are so good at hiding and overcoming, or they may resent other people not being aware of the effort they are putting in all the time to keep up appearances.

It's easy for neurotypical readers to complain that she was not as severely afflicted as they were hoping, or that she doesn't fit the rain man stereotype of autism they like to cling to, but that is totally missing the point... if this book has one message it is that amongst the wide diversity of the autistic spectrum there are at one extreme people like Liane, and because the problems they experience are hidden they are in many ways more alone and isolated than those for whom they are more obvious. Why shouldn't she tell her story? It is as valid as anybody else's.

This was the first book written by someone else with Asperger syndrome that I ever read and I thoroughly enjoyed it, though as I caution all the time, if you were only going to read one book and this one was it, it would not give you the complete picture.

It has several very practical and useful appendices covering subjects like disclosure, coping strategies, and organisation. Ultimately I think this book is most suitable for those who suspect themselves AS after the diagnosis of a child like the author, but it would be an interesting read for anybody.

My 9-yr-old son was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome after five very frustrating years spent in public school trying to figure out "what was wrong" with him. When he was diagnosed, I had never even heard of Asperger's Syndrome, however, when I was 6 I was diagnosed with Hyperactivity, ADD, "Autism-like-tendencies", "anti-social behaviors" and aggressive personality disorder (along with having an IQ over 130) I have been researching Asperger's Syndrome to try and help my son, but reading this book was like reading my own autobiography. In my egocentric way of thinking, I have thought for over 40 years that I was the only adult who had these personality quirks, social interaction difficulties and problems with skills and coordination, etc. I just assumed that these were personality flaws that I should be able to conquer. I wish that I could meet the author, give her a hug and tell her "hey---I am just like you." This book is a MUST for teachers, nurses, social workers and school counselors who work with autistic and Asperger's children--it gives an insight into Asperger's like no other book on this subject that I have ever read.

Before reading this book I was completly lost and confused wondering whats wrong in me....doing very good academically while failing socially...This book didnt only give me the answers I was looking for but also an inspiring story of a successful AS person..In my opinion its a must read for every AS person.

I have a son that was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, which is a mild form of autism. It has been a challenge to keep him on track, for this syndrome is not a mental retardation, but it affects their social skills and how they react to people.

I try to see things through his perspective as much as I can, but this book really helped. Theirs is a different world from ours, but not so different that they can't be very productive members of society. In fact, there is a theory that says the stereotyped 'nutty professors', brilliant people that slave away alone in laboratories and universities might have been people afflicted with this syndrome.

This book does give valuable insight on the thoughts and mind workings of these unique people. If there is someone in your life with Asperger's, I urge you to read this book.

I was disappointed with this book. First, I was surprised to read that the author has not been formally diagnosed with AS, although she admits that fact in an early disclaimer. This becomes more of an issue as Ms. Willey asserts that her AS traits are 'melting away' with age, a possibility that is as unprecendented as it is unbelievable from her own narrative. There were parts of the author's life story that came tantalizingly close to important revelations, but never went the extra step to realization. Still, her story held my interest enough to complete it. I would recommend "The Essential Difference" by Simon Baron-Cohen more highly than this book.

Our family has lived with this book for two years. Along with Tony Attwood's book it has been instrumental in helping my wife and me help our son to find his way at a very difficult time in his life. Following a collapse at college he told us in his deep depression, "You don't know me..." This was in part true.

The diagnosis of a relative's son prompted us to investigate the subject of Asperger's Syndrome, which we had never heard of. We were fortunate in discovering a local AS support group and attending a conference at which which Tony Attwood spoke. We purchased his book along with Willey's. They were both revelatory, but turning the pages of "Pretending to be Normal" was like opening windows into our son's world through which we had never been able to see. For our son, like the author, had fought a brave but doomed battle as a "high-functioning Aspie" maintaining the pretense that he was "neurologically typical."

The author's first-hand description of the world from the strange, sometimes disorienting, always interesting perspective of the individual with AS is invaluable in helping parents, teachers and friends to understand the problems as well as the unique assets of the aspie. The fact that she may well be at the "high end of the spectrum" of those affected with the condition ought not to diminish the usefulness of her insights. I bristle with annoyance when reviewers of this book express doubt that the author can be an "Aspie" simply because she is articulate and caring. To say that only those most severely affected by AS can be taken seriously as having the condition is analogous to deciding that only those with life-threatening cancers should receive treatment.

Liane Willey's remarkable success in her struggle as a highly intelligent, talented, and energetic woman with Asperger's Syndrome to lead a full, productive, and happy life should be an inspiration to all in the AS community--Aspies themselves along with their parents, friends and teachers. Thanks in no small part to her insights we have been able to provide our son with the guidance he needs begin to bridge the gap between the AS and NT ("neurotypical") worlds and to graduate from an Ivy League college this spring.

Liane Willey takes the reader, for the first time, into the world of someone who is very mildly Aspergers. While there are many biographies of high functioning autistics out there, this is the first to address a group whose needs are even less well understood. This book enabled me to understand my 7 year old AS son for the first time, a way I never could by merely reading autism related books. Her memiors are filled with humor, sadness and pain, but; no remorse, or bitterness. It is an acceptance of yet another of life's curveballs. I believe her motivation is to tell others with AS (or their parents) to work with the hand dealt you---it may yet be the four kings (or queens) you were looking for!

Willey writes a masterful account of what she experiences with AS. If you have an AS child, you ought to read this. My older brother has high functioning PDD (possibly AS), and my son is newly diagnosed with AS. While I knew in some way from my experience growing up with my brother what these folk experience, Willey put it all together for me. For example, the parodox that "Aspies" (as she calls them) are not lonely...they often like to be alone...but at the same time, they experience extreme isolation. Another example is how they experience the sensory world.

To help someone with AS, you need to first understand the problem. This book helps enormously with that.

An extremely provocative book. I could only read so much at a time, because it was so painful for me. But I think I am a better mother and sister now. Many thanks to Dr. Willey for sharing her world with us.

As the parent of a young child with Asperger's Syndrome, I yearn to better understand how AS may affect my daughter as she grows up. No parent has a crystal ball into their childs future, but with AS added to the equation it is even harder to form images of what that life could be like. Liane's book provides a basis for developing positive images for my daughters future. It also provides insight to help her along the way. Liane openly shares her struggles, her failures, and her triumphs. I am not an avid reader, but Liane's book completely captured my attention from the minute I peered into it. She is an elequent writer and her wording is fluent. I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of reading her book.