Customer Reviews

Preventing Sibling Rivalry: Six Strategies to Build a Jealousy-Free Home

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I was very excited to find a book that claimed to have six strategies for dealing with sibling rivalry. Though the book does contain many interesting research studies, I found the strategies, with one exception, to be a disappointment. ... main contention ... is that the best way to prevent sibling rivalry is to space children close together. She states that though this requires more work in the early years, the situation forces spouses to cooperate, and ultimately produces children who will have more in common because they are so close in age, thus leading to less rivalry. Perhaps this worked for her. But there are many families out there that would beg to differ. Having children closely spaced may result in better cooperation between spouses, but it also may put a strain on the marriage. Divorce is quite common when there are young children in the home, precisely because of the stress encountered when raising them. The children may have more in common because they are close in age, but then again they may be two disparate personalities who do not get along. On the other hand, children who are farther apart in age may get along just fine. .... The strategies themselves were of little use to someone who already has children who are older than one year of age. They rely on determining an infant's jealousy level at the age of one year, and from that deciding when to have your next child. The sixth strategy, finding what motivates the conflict, and spending time with your children when they are not in conflict is certainly effective.

Sybil Hart's book was a reassurance to me as I contemplate defying other experts' recommendations about spacing children three years apart. She recommends close child spacing and gives reasons for her alternate viewpoint, and also includes a test you can perform on your 12 month old to get an idea of how jealous he or she is likely to be, even if the new baby is some time away. She also lists types of conflict between siblings and offers suggestions for handling them. I felt the book's greatest strength was the support it gave me in deciding to have a second child soon. My only negative thought about the book was that much of it did seem to be her opinion, based on research combined with conjecture. Overall, I would recommend this book to anyone struggling with the problem of when to have a second child.

Thank goodness I just checked this book out of the library and didn't buy it! This book barely provides one helpful strategy, and instead is more about theories and case studies. In the foreward she mentions that this book is best read BEFORE you have a second child. Well, I have a feeling most people are not that proactive, and instead start looking for help once their kids start fighting and really struggling with sibling rivalry. Skip this book and find another one!

My impression: Ms. Hart has closely spaced children and wishes to justify herself. Terrible book. In the Introduction, she says "Whether you have one or more than one child in your family[...]" Well forget about any advice about those other, older children. In fact, forget about any advice about children who are older than about two.

Also, the 'insights' were apalling. The author was actually shocked and amazed when her 'research' led to the conclusion that mothers are often upset when their babies show no signs of jealosy. Then she waggles a paternalistic finger at the reader as if to say 'You have that too, even if you dont' want to admit it.' Goodness, I think anybody without a Ph.D. could have told her that (and saved some research funds).

Then she discredits "some authorities" advice about how to prepare your first-born for the arrival of the second as "so impractical they verge on being elist." She goes on to say "Who but a car owner would think of bringing a toddler along[...]" Perhaps the author should make some fundamental research about the society she lives in before embarking on a book of this nature. What do we have here in the U.S.? About one car per capita or so? I'll admit that not everyone in this country has a car, but to call those of who do 'elitist'?

Though by page 18 I had serious doubts about the quality of the book, I made it a point to read the book to the very end. It offers no real help. Particularly if you've committed the sin of waiting four or more years to have another child. Thank goodness, my copy is from the library. I would have resented spending money on it.