Customer Reviews

The Prisoner's Wife : A Memoir

5 star:		(93)
4 star:		(23)
3 star:		(15)
2 star:		(5)
1 star:		(8)

 

 

I am almost speechless after reading this book, a biography of a woman that managed to find love behind bars. Not a semblance of love but real love; unconditional love; emotional love. In a million years, I never thought I would be able to relate to this book but I had heard so many wonderful things about it that I just had to purchase it and I am so glad that I did.

While I have known less than a handful of people that have done prison time and have never been involved with a man that has served, this book goes much deeper than that and deals with the issues that any woman must deal with at some point in her life. What issues? The definition of love and what we seek from a man. A lot of women search their entire lives and never find what asha bandele found as a visiting poet to a penitentiary. She found Rashid, a Muslim serving twenty years with life tagged on behind it for second degree murder. She found a man that understood her, a man that listened to her rid herself of all the demons of her childhood, a man that did not judge her when she revealed her previous promiscuous behavior, a man unlike her previous husband who was there physically but never touched her body or her soul.

asha's word are so vivid and detailed that they are almost arousing in nature. I pictured all that she went through: the humiliation of being searched when she visited him, the negative comments from friends and family members who simply could not understand how she could love a convicted felon, the pain and anguish of her decision to have an abortion instead of trying to raise a child alone. While I felt her pain, I also felt her joy. The joy of a man telling her that she is perfect despite her physical imperfections. The joy of being able to get to know a man mentally for years before sex came into play. The joy of knowing that no matter what else went wrong in her life, someone loved her unconditionally. This book has truly helped me see the light. It has taught me to never take things like the ability to hold hands or lie beside a lover, even in moments of anger, for granted. I think that every woman should read this book because the honesty and candor of her words, the thoughtfulness of letting people into her life through her memoir, makes one realize that if she can heal, so can all of us.

I would like to commend Asha Bandele for writing the story of her love for Rashid and his love for her. Too often we place limitations on where we find love and who we will love, we allow the negative opinions of others to determine our destiny. Her story is one that is truly inspiring in my life, I too have found myself to be in love with a man that is incarcerated serving a life sentence. Prior to reading The Prisoners wife, I found myself debating on if I should keep my love for this man hidden from my friends and family. Ms. Bandele has been inspirational in helping me to see that there is no shame in loving this man.. So I say to you Ms. Bandele... keep your head up, keep loving Rashid, don't let the thoughts and negative criticisms that are surely to come your way hinder the love and respect that you and Rashid have for one another.. Thanks for not being ashamed to tell your story to those of that are walking in your shoes.. we needed to hear it... I also say thanks for giving some insight to those that don't understand those of us that have made a conscious decision to love men that are behind bars... If one really opens their hearts and mind in reading The Prisoners Wife they will discover that this is a book that will reveal what true love is all about whether your mate is incarcerated or in the free world...

asha bandele is a talented writer, and I have to give this book it's three stars for it's beautiful prose and it's sensitive subject matter. I appreciate any book that doesn't have a tired or overdone storyline. Yet there's something about this book that seems a bit shallow to me.
It seems to me asha jumped headfirst into this relationship with Rashid, unprepared for the realities of loving a man in prison. It's not like he went there after they met--he was already there and she should have thought about what she was getting into. Of course you have to deal with loneliness, longing, make do with letters and phone calls that are scrutinized, deal with prison rules and regulations and some insensitive and rude prison employees. What did she expect? She was lucky to get conjugal visits--that is a privilege that not every prisoner enjoys, and so what if it's interrupted by a head count? Does she think she's at the Hilton? If she loves this man SO much, how could she abort his child? (Not to get on any anti-abortion platform here, but I just felt that wasn't the thing to do if their love was as strong as she said it was.) I think one of the editorial reviews stated that asha was "freed" mentally by Rashid or something of the like, but I failed to see it. She seemed just as confused and lost to me at the end as she does in the beginning.
She also seems to blow off Rashid's crime. We learn nothing of any real substance about Rashid, only the things that make him look good. To make him seem like a real and possibly more sympathetic person, I feel we should know the good AND bad, including his crime. If she has as much sympathy for his victim's wife as she says she does, she should fully understand why he was denied parole, why he's in prison in the first place.
I found this book interesting because I could relate from both sides; having a loved one incarcerated and having a loved one murdered. And I can say from experience even when you love someone who's taken a life, no matter how much you love them, you really hate what they've done. You may hate to see them locked up, but you understand why. You would think Rashid is incarcerated for writing bad checks or driving with a suspended license, not for killing somebody. She seems to dismiss what Rashid has done in taking someone's life, not only away from that person, but away from his family. I think if she had shown any growth as a person, she would have realized at some point that she is lucky that the man she loves so much is still alive for her to love. The man he killed doesn't have a chance to love, to see his family, to change his life, or do any of the things that Rashid is free to do. I expected her to accept her situation at the end for that reason alone, but she seems to childishly give up because she couldn't have it her way. It seems pretty silly and naive for her to think things would ever be fully satisfying and rewarding in those circumstances--I've tried to put that off as being young and perhaps not knowing any better, but being an intelligent woman I don't see how she couldn't know.
Although I wasn't very drawn to asha and didn't agree with her, I can say I truly did enjoy this book, for the writing style and her attempt at self-discovery and acceptance, although she doesn't quite make it as far as I can tell.

I just finished "The Prisoner's Wife", my tears have not yet dried. I felt immediately compelled to search the internet for an address to write to Ms. Bandele, and that brought me here. Now i am compelled to add my voice to the others who understand and were touched by her words, but more her feelings...emotions...the core of her. I too love a man in prison, but he is in prison for life. I pray for Asha and Rashid, that they will someday know total bliss and completetion of soul everyday, all day, rather than for small inadequate moments of time. I pray it for myself as well. I feel her pain because i live it, and i have just begun. The most important thing for me to say is this; Thank You Asha, for giving my pain a voice in the world, and for helping me to feel just a little less alone. ** a sister of the heart.... "this is a love story"

If I could only feel a tenth of the love depicted in this memoir, well that would be.... My vocabulary doesn't have enough words to describe the depth of emotions I experienced while reading this book. I feel rejuvenated that a love like this exists between two souls.

The memoir is well put together. The letters and other personal revelations express a significant story. The entire memoir flows lyrically, like one of Sonia Sanchez's poems.

I'm not particularly a fan of love stories, but this is not your typical love story. The book at times was painful to read as I suddenly realized I'm reading a memoir and not fiction. These are real people I'm reading about here not just something out of someone's imagination.

When I recommend this book, I usually end up saying "Just read it!" It's difficult to summarize. Love story, memoir, a book about prison marriage. These all seem inadequate descriptions of this memoir. It's much more than that. asha bandele revealed her life, emotions, pain and suffering.

Asha, in telling her story, gives an audible voice to all families of inmates who, out of fear of retaliation on their loved ones, are forced to remain silent. I, as the wife of an inmate, applaud Asha for her courage in speaking the truth - giving the public another perspective of the wide ranging impact that incarceration has on couples and families. Unfortunately, not all couples are able to endure the prison experience. It is designed to discourage, fragment, isolate and humiliate couples in every area of their relationship. My hope is that everyone who reads this memoir is aware that Asha speaks for many of us who can only quietly whisper our own stories of pain.

I was so moved by this book. It was if I wrote it myself. It was so validating to know that there is someone else out there who really knows what I feel. I think what stuck with me most was the line about couples being able to be together and taking that for granted...they don't know what a treasure it is to be able to hold hands and walk together. Thank you, asha for telling your story. I hope that when people read the book, it will move them to appreciate their relationships and to cherish them.

This book is to be commended because it clearly and explicitly portrays the life of a woman who's soul mate is incarcirated. This was the first time in my life that I read something that even came close to my reality. It was so honest and raw that I couldn't put it down. Most of all it was theraputic because until I read this book, I felt I was the only one going thru this and nobody really understood. I am currently living this situation but unlike Asha, my fiance doesn't have life tacked onto the end of his sentence. It felt good to hear someone reveal how foul the prison system is and how rude and insensitive the guards are. But most of all it was wonderful to read how ones life was chainged for the good due to this unpleasant experience. Like Rashid, my fiance will also be a better person when he comes home because of this situation, then he was going in to it. The Lord really does have a way of taking something that was meant for bad and working it out for his good! Asha please reveal your email address and do a AUTHORS COMMENT, because some of us would love to personally thank you for adding new strenth to our very sensitive situation. YOU GO GIRL!

I believe Socrates was right! Whether you believe Asha Bandele is overly insecure or incredibly intelligent it is hard to deny her sincerity. Asha really appears to be speaking straight from her heart, and with an openess that is not common. The way that she conveys truly complex emotions via glistening prose (if I want straight ahead boring writing I can read any number of news journals) is a feat worthy of praise, not admonishment. I don't think it was her intent to present a general picture of what it is like to be a "prisoner's wife." I believe she just wanted to tell her truth, regardless of its relevance to other perspectives, and I am happy she did. It was truly intriguing to read about how a couple built a relationship up from a base of earned mutual respect, while knowing all along that they may be forever denied the closeness many couples routinely take for granted. I will recommend it because of the skill she possesses as a writer, and because it definately will prompt good discussion on a wide variety of issues.

I too met my husband while incarcarated and found a beautiful friendship that turned into a wonderful marriage. It was nice to read something that didn't downgrade the inmate, and to actually listen to someone else's struggles, and tribulations with the prison system itself. Who at times treat the loved ones as if they themselves committed the crime. Asha's book was well written, I cried through the wedding, as I felt the same way on my wedding day. I wouldn't change my life for the world and am glad I found my soul mate, no matter where he is, and thanks Asha for putting our voice out there! Job well done!