Customer Reviews

Private Thoughts: Exploring the Power of Women's Sexual Fantasies

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For anyone suspicious that Nancy Friday's dated My Secret Garden lacked legitimate research and analysis, this new book is a welcome resource. It gives the reader more than just summaries of women's fantasies--although obviously you cannot write this book without describing them. But this book goes on to show how to use those fantasies.

Sex therapist and author Wendy Maltz and writer Suzie Boss have combined their talents in this new book about women's sexual fantasies. Together they explore the origins of women's most private thoughts, the most common fantasy roles for women, and how sexual fantasies may function to enhance one's sex life. Wendy Maltz's capacity as one of our country's leading experts with respect to healing from past sexual abuse is also reflected in this book. Chapters on how to recognize fantasy traps and heal or even change unwanted fantasies provide individuals with important insights and tools to alter disturbing fantasies. Finally, the authors offer advice on how to share fantasies with your lover and how to create new fantasies.
I found this book remarkable as it addresses an important issue in a very matter of fact way. Once again, it becomes clear how diverse women's sexualities are. The authors provide a logical framework for different fantasy styles by separating sexual fantasies into two broad categories, 1) scripted fantasies which may contain scripted plots and identifiable characters versus 2) unscripted fantasies with a primary focus on sensations rather that character roles. These two categories are by no means exclusive. In fact, many women draw from both in order to make up their personal fantasies.

Different women have different modes for getting sexually aroused, and while some prefer visual stimulation, others may find that auditory, tactile, olfactory, kinesthetic (related to body movement) or flavor stimuli are important ingredients to trigger sexual arousal. Maltz and Boss conclude: "…Sex therapists have recognized for years that fantasy can be an effective aid in helping women with sexual performance. They have frequently recommended the use of fantasies to boost sexual response, sort of like a vibrator of mind…The beauty of fantasy is that we can tap this wellspring of creativity at any time, in any place, with no one else privy to our thoughts…"

I very much agree that sexual fantasies are private thoughts, which do not necessarily have to be shared with others. For those who choose to share their fantasies with a partner for sexual enrichment, the authors offer sound advice on how to best accomplish this and they provide various guidelines for how to enact fantasies while honoring each other's limits.

In conclusion, I can highly recommend Private Thoughts to anyone, female or male, who wants to learn more about the power of women's sexual fantasies.

Okay, this is a nice light read for those wanting to delve into their own fantasy life. Based on fantasy workshops, the authors have been able to classify women's fantasies into six catagories, diagram them, take them apart, and examine how they influence or are influenced by our daily lives. This book also focuses on removing harmful or unwanted sexual fantasies that might be impeding growth in a relationship and discusses when and how to bring up fantasies to a partner that might not be receptive. The authors also caution against going from fantasy to reality unless you can really constrain the environment or keep the fantasy playful with easy ways to escape the situation. Overall, this book was very helpful in sparking more of my imagination, and I can see how it would help those with unwanted fantasies too. So, get ready to get aroused and to think through what's really behind the scenes of your favorite fantasy if you pick this one up.

I found this book to be a very informative and empowering read. The information is presented in an easy to understand and clear way by dividing fantasies into categories. Basically it examines the meaning of sexual fantasies in a woman's life somewhat like one could do with dreams. However, dreams are unconscious/subconscious whereas fantasies are more of a conscious process.