Customer Reviews

The Pro-Child Way: Parenting with an Ex

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I am a family law and divorce lawyer in Palm Springs, California, and a Masters student of Family Life Education at Loma Linda University. I bumped into Ms. Kellner's book while I was investigating available resources to support parents involved in custody disputes, in order to help my own clients to make choices that facilitate their childrens' best interests rather than blindly serving the natural reactivity and the competing agendas of many divorcing couples.

This book resonated for me and I now recommend it to all my clients, whether they are fathers or mothers. Ms. Kellner recognizes that parenting in divorce involves a renegotiation of financial (men) and custodial (women) perspectives, as well as allowing us to reconsider the power imbalances that flow from these issues, and our control-based fears. She is even handed in her treatment, which for me makes her very wise. Ellen Kellner reminds us that the most important and the most disempowered persons in divorce are our children. These vulnerable human beings depend utterly upon the wisdom of BOTH parents, and each parent's desire and willingness to inquire their way to the truth of what serves a child's best interests.

The Pro Child guide will help parents become grounded - and reasonable - in ways that are otherwise quite elusive. For that reason, it will assist both divorce lawyers and their clients.

I have copies of her book on hand to give away to my divorcing clients. It is but a small gift, especially considering how much I must charge my clients, and how much they might save by avoiding unnecessary adversarial maneuvering!

Thurman W. Arnold III
Palm Springs, CA

P.S., this work is a must have for those seeking mindful divorces!

Ellen Kellner's revolutionary solutions to these most common and sensitive situations that arise in the process of divorce parenting are truly inspired. Drawing upon her personal experience, she sheds new light on outdated and often detrimental ways of co-parenting during and after a divorce.

Ellen's creative solutions put the child where they belong: at the front of the equation instead of buried beneath the personal needs or resentments of the parents. This fresh perspective helps preserve a child's relationship with both parents in a way that provides the support the child needs to feel safe and loved.

Whether you are in the beginning stages of divorce, or are seeped in the aftermath, I highly recommend Ellen Kellner's book, "The Pro-Child Way: Parenting With An Ex", as a most helpful tool to more consciously navigate the unconscious pitfalls of divorce parenting!

With a subtitle of: 46 Pro-Child Solutions for Typical Divorced-Parenting Situations this book really does give real life examples that will surely resonate with anyone who is tempted to pick it up because of its title. Keller does a masterful job of bringing home the overriding message of the book: "Keep plugging away and make it work for your child's best interest." The Pro-Child Way walks the reader through all of the common problems that many separated and divorced couples face when children are stuck in the middle of poor communication techniques, unwise behavior, and bad parental reactions. What I especially enjoyed was the vividness of the 46 (and there are more) situations that are described coupled with the simple yet effective preferred responses. The book is organized in a "The Old Way" of doing it and "The Pro-Child Way" of doing it which guides peanuts through some of the trickiest of divorced parenting situations.


The Pro-Child Way can serve as an "on the spot" reference guide on what to perhaps do when for example, your ex is late for pick up or drop off, when there are conflicts in schedule for things like holidays and vacations, when financial issues disrupt parental communication and when dealing with school officials and doctors is problematic and virtual everything else.


Like most things in life, there are right ways and wrong ways to go about things. The Pro-Child Way, even when step parents are involved, shows you the best ways to parent effectively with your ex. Having lived and breathed this stuff, personally and professionally for more years than I like to admit, I still learned a few new things that will be helpful in the future and to pass on to others. All of the sections a re short, full of useful information and entertaining at the same time.

What is also interesting about this book and some similar ones I have read is that the author is not someone with a bunch of initials behind her name, not a doctor, Ph. D., lawyer, psychologist, mediator or even in the "divorce industry." Ms. Kellner wrights from her experience and perspectives of a mom who was stressed, exhausted, and disappointed as she frantically looked for a book to help her raise her child through divorce. The Pro-Child Divorce Way; Parenting With an Ex is her response to not finding what she was looking for. The book is proof that when the love for your child is the true motivator, you can never go wrong; but, you might need some help. This book provides it.

I have a hard time keeping my hands on this book - people keep "borrowing" it. As a divorce lawyer committed to amicable divorces, I am often consulted about parenting conflicts. The Pro Child Way is like a recipe book for resolution. It gives real life examples of situations with the "old way" of conflict and the "new" pro-child approach. It helps parents do the right thing for their children without reacting to what their ex is doing and therefore breaks the cycle of conflict.

I was in the process of requesting books for early review on another website, when I saw this book. The timing couldn't have been better. I had just been informed that my son & his wife intended to file for divorce. They have an only child who is a pre-teen. The situation is full of bitterness and anger. I see my grandchild being pulled between them. I purchased this book along with another and gave a copy to my son. It was well received and according to him helped in diffusing a potentially volatile situation over the weekend. His wife began reading the book after finding it on the coffee table and expressed to my son that she thought it was a good book. Both of them have now found a common way to focus their previously bitter discussions to positive solutions regarding what is best for their child. I was also able to see how grandparents can use the information to help their grandchildren by not taking sides and keeping communication positive in their interactions with both parents especially during family gatherings and the holidays.

The message that even one parent behaving in a manner that puts the interest of their child first will make a huge difference in the child's welfare, was very good to know. Even better, when one parent stops escalating negative behavior toward the other, often the behavior of the other parent is diffused. Out of the two books I purchased, this is the book they found most helpful. The book has offered practical, encouraging information to our family at a time when everyone is beside themselves as their lives change. It has been most gratifying to see that something as simple as a book has eased tensions and given an opportunity for my grandchild to perhaps be spared some of the more devastating traumas of divorce. Thank you, Thank you. ( )

As a mental health professional I am aware of studies and statistics documenting the detrimental effects divorce can have on children. However, I have not come across any books or articles that offer understandable "how-to" advice until Ellen Kellner's "The Pro-Child Way: Parenting with an Ex.

The book is well written and nicely structured and provides a solution-focused approach to sticky such situations as handling visitations, communication, money, extended families, and discipline and behavior issues. Aside from the practical down-to-earth approach, at the heart of this inspiring book is love and the belief that we do have control over our thoughts and behaviors. Ellen Kellner clearly shows how we can replace maladaptive thoughts and behaviors (which she calls "the old way") with healthier and saner ones ("the new way"). Or as Ellen would put it: "Lucky for your child, it only takes you to make a significant impact on the divorced-parenting tone."

I highly recommend this gem to divorcing and divorced parents who put the welfare and happiness of the children above their personal emotional reactions to their ex-spouses.