The Prodigal Father: Reuniting Fathers and Their Children [Hardcover]

Mark Bryan (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 6, 1997

In The Prodigal Father, Mark Bryan addresses this important social issue by offering a proven program to help fathers assume a vital role in their children's lives. "Through my work and my own experience as an absent father, I've come to realize that what we call 'deadbeat dads' are actually broken-hearted dads," says Bryan. "Living in shame and denial about the pain of their loss (even when they were the ones who decided to give up their kids), these men feel hopeless and overwhelmed at the thought of attempting a reunion."

Mark Bryan knows the problems of men who are divorced and don't see their kids as often as they would like, as well as those of the men who have totally lost touch with their children. He knows the guilt and shame they feel, the pangs at holiday times, the wrench when a father is alone and sees other fathers playing with their kids, taking them to school, waiting with them in the line at McDonald's. He knows how fathers wonder how they got "out of the picture," how they became "extraneous." He also knows that kids miss their fathers as much as their fathers miss them. He knows this because he is a reunited father himself, and because he has reunited many fathers with their children through his Father Project workshops. Bryan tells many of their stories, and his own, in this book. In The Prodigal Father, Bryan recounts, in detail, the steps he took that led finally to the close relationship that he and his son Scott now enjoy.

More recently, working with small groups of men around the country, Bryan developed an eight-step program to lead men from estrangement to reunion. Many men who never expected to see their children again now see them regularly, participate in decisions in their day-to-day lives, and enjoy the richness and joy only children can provide. Bryan's carefully conceived plan helps men negotiate the sensitive and potentially explosive path back.  

It includes:
        
Acknowledging the loss and the pain
        
Taking steps to regain self-respect and become the man you'd want to father your children
          
Making amends to your child's mother
          
Planning the meeting with your child
          
Reuniting
          
Recognizing the specific needs of your child at each age
          
Establishing an ongoing relationship; becoming close
          
Embracing your child's extended family; the stepfather and half sisters and brothers.

                
A special chapter is addressed to mothers, urging them to help in the reunion process. Bryan's message will bring hope and happiness not only to the men who find their way back, but to their children, so often silent about their deep grief over the separation, and to the mothers long overburdened by the responsibilities of single parenthood.
        
Says Bryan: "I will be touring to more than twenty cities to get the message of Reunion for Fathers across.  Will you help me reach those millions of fathers and mothers whose distance keeps their children from knowing their fathers?  Will you help those 21 million children who never see their fathers live fuller lives and gain a love they so fervently need?  I am asking your help to bring this message to your audience. For this is not just a book. It is a mission."

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Given our cultural blinders, it's easy to forget that fathering is just as challenging and rewarding as mothering. The trials and triumphs of single mothers especially have received a great deal of attention. But what about men who have had to leave their children behind? With no space to grieve, no way to recover their soul or regroup the fragments of their lives, absent fathers often spiral into years of inaction, leaving themselves and their children disconnected and in need. Mark Bryan, director of the Father Project in Massachusetts, recognizes this need (having experienced it himself), and wrote The Prodigal Father out of concern for the effects of the damaged parental relationship on both parties involved. Bryan shares his heart-wrenching story of abandoning, and then reuniting with, his own son, as well as the stories of many other men who have each endured heartbreak and struggle to regain a role in their children's lives. As coauthor of The Artist's Way, Bryan knows how to bridge the gap between self-help advice and practical action. Each chapter contains specific exercises and activities designed to move dads closer to their kids; aerobic physical activity, silence, and writing all have a place. There's no sugar coating--prodigal fathers must work prodigiously to rediscover their children. The rewards, though, as delightfully described herein, beat winning the lottery. --Rob Lightner --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Library Journal

Bryan has put together an admirable package of anecdote and action to get the men who are among divorce's victims moving to heal themselves and their broken relationships. The director of the Father Project and affiliated family research projects at Harvard, Bryan knows the terrain. He married and divorced at a young age; his own odyssey of making things right with his son is powerful and moving. Through his work with other fathers, he has expanded the boundaries of his experience, and here he writes powerfully of men's diminished role in our society's increasingly one-parent families. While acknowledging the difficult underlying causes of family breakup, Bryan urges positive action. Toward that end, the book provides exercises and guidance in soul-searching and corrective action for fathers wanting to build bridges to their children and even the divorced spouse. With reunion and respect the goals, Bryan has provided a valuable manual, written from the trenches.?David M. Turkalo, Suffolk Univ. Law Sch. Lib., Boston
Copyright 1997 Reed Business Information, Inc.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 278 pages
• Publisher: Clarkson Potter; 1st edition (May 6, 1997)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0517706172
• ISBN-13: 978-0517706176
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 6.2 x 1.2 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.3 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (11 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #274,874 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #16 in Books > Oprah®

More About the Author

Mark Bryan has been a teacher and writer for over a decade, and is a nationally known speaker in the human potential movement. He is the cofounder (with Julia Cameron) of The Artist's Way. His experience both in developing extremely effective self-help techniques for The Artist's Way and as a reunited father led him to create this program to help estranged fathers. Bryan received his masters in family education from Harvard University and is Director of The Father Project, affiliated with the Harvard Project on Women's Psychology, Boys Development and the Culture of Manhood. He is currently researching The Artist's Way for Work. Mark Bryan lives in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

9 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars I hope to apply its principles, August 29, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: Prodigal Father : Reuniting Fathers and Their Children (Paperback)

I first saw this book in the parenting section of the children's section of the library. The title intrigued me so I decided to skim through it. Besides his own testimony of reuniting with a son after 14 years and of helping others fathers to reunite, I realized this wasn't another book written by someone who wants you easily to do what they've never had to do.

I even skimmed through the section for mothers because I'm the single mother of a 3 year old. I didn't have my usual "Yeah, right" bitter reaction and actually felt like crying and calling my daughter's father right away to start the process.

Without the testimonials in this book, I would have accepted that her father being in her life was not only improbable, but impossible and would have lived my life accordingly. After just reading a few chapters, I really wanted to do all that I could to start a relationship between my daughter and her father. I really began to believe it could happen. After I get the book from the library, I hope to apply its principles. I'm glad all the other reviewers enjoyed it as well.

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A child is entilted to have a relationship with his father, April 27, 2000

By 

Saedi (London, United Kingdom) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Prodigal Father : Reuniting Fathers and Their Children (Paperback)

I knew about the book from the Oprah show and I ordered straight after the show. It took a while because I live in the UK.

The book speaks to both parents, whether absent or otherwise. Reading through the pages, I realised how certain actions of parents can totally damage a child. Though my kids father never paid any maintenance, I did not stop him from seeing them. Most of my friends and even family thought this was foolish of me. Reading the book has therefore reinforced what I thought all along. I am so glad I bought it and I have since shared it with friends in similar situations. Mark Bryan's book even inspired me to write a song about the relationship between a father and child and how a child truly feels about the absent parent!

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The finest & hardest soul searching trip ever., July 13, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: Prodigal Father : Reuniting Fathers and Their Children (Paperback)

I recently heard Mark Bryan speak at the NACSDC @ the Univ. Notre Dame. I cried through his entire presentation. There are too many parallels to mention. I bought two copies of his book. One I read. One I gave to my daughter who is a single mom and in reunion (without this book) with her child's father. They now have the book, each has read some of it. They are still talking. My book will remain with me. I will be buying another copy so that I can write a letter to my childrens father. Maybe then they will find thier way back to each other. I never understood until I read about the haunting. Thank you Mark!