Promises I Can Keep: Why Poor Women Put Motherhood Before Marriage (Hardcover)

~ (Author), Maria Kefalas (Author) "Antonia Rodriguez and her boyfriend Emilio, a young Puerto Rican couple, live in Philadelphia's West Kensington section, colloquially dubbed "the Badlands" because of all the..." (more)
Key Phrases: most recent pregnancy, chronic infidelity, fragile families, African American, Puerto Rican, Jen Burke (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Edin and Kefalas provide an original and convincing argument for why low-income women continue to embrace motherhood while postponing and raising the bar on marriage. This book is a must read for students of the family as well as for policy makers and practitioners who hope to rebuild marriage in low-income communities." - Sara McLanahan, author of Growing Up with a Single Parent

Review

"A seminal book."--Time Magazine --This text refers to the Paperback edition.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 300 pages
• Publisher: University of California Press; 1 edition (March 8, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0520241134
• ISBN-13: 978-0520241138
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 6.1 x 1.2 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.4 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (19 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #481,724 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

104 of 108 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars On Target, April 16, 2005

By	Lawrence H. Necheles (Pontiac IL USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

A few moths ago I was in court as an attorney representing a teen-aged client mother losing her infant daughter to the foster care (DCFS) system because of parental neglect. While in court, the client excitedly announced to the judge that she was expecting her second child. She brimmed with pride. The judge dryly replied, "Oh." After court, my client cried because the judge didn't share her enthusiasm for her new bundle of joy. At another court appearance I represented one of five fathers who impregnated a single mother losing her nine children to the foster care system. The fathers were "high-fiving" each other and carrying on while waiting for the judge. Like the judges, I just didn't get it. I didn't understand what was going on. Did I miss something? Why? I guess we couldn't bridge the cultural gap between the urban poor biological parents (White and Black) and the middleclass.

Edin is an excellent cultural broker and explains some of the striking cultural attitudes and differences between poor urban unmarried parents and middleclass. She gets into the thought process of a teenaged impoverished mother. She takes us into the world of the teenaged father---in many cases an older father. Edin elicits the cooperation of a difficult and closed population. Many of these parents are pushed around by society and the system, and are not trusting. A Social Worker might get a facil response: "Because she's my baby." As an attorney and advocate I can't ask some of the "Why's." Edin did and was able to get deeply insightful answers. Overall, a darn good book---one that you just can't put down.

77 of 79 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars For Micki - directed reading, November 2, 2005

By	L. Gunlogson (New York, NY) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

Kathryn Edin and Maria Kefalas spent five years living with, working with and interviewing poor women from all races and age groups who live in the depressed and poverty stricken neighborhoods of Philadelphia and its poorest industrial suburb, Camden, New Jersey. Armed with the knowledge of intimate details from 162 single mothers' lives that could only be gained by spending years in their company, Edin and Kefalas wrote Promises I Can Keep: Why Poor Women Put Motherhood Before Marriage.

The authors set out to disprove the commonly held stereotypes about poor young women who have children out of wedlock when they are still teenagers or in their early twenties. They assert that most middle class Americans assume that these women are either unable or unwilling to use birth control, or that they are using children as a way to gain access to more welfare benefits. However, in the course of their research, they found this conventional wisdom to be largely untrue. They discovered that these young women are having babies simply because they want to have babies. There are, of course, mitigating factors such as pressure to conceive from a boyfriend or rebellion against parents, but almost all of the single mothers interviewed make it clear that they were happy when they found out they were pregnant and happy to have children, even if the responsibility makes their lives considerably harder.

Edin and Kefalas give us some startling statistics which reveal how widespread the practice of having children out of wedlock has become. In Philadelphia, where the women they interviewed live, more than six out of ten births are now outside of marriage. Across the U.S., that number is one in three. While many of the young women they talked to admitted that they wished they waited to have children, most of them (even girls as young as 16) say they conceived only a year or two before they were "ready." When the authors gave the single mothers an opportunity to explain why they decided to have children so young and before marriage, a common response was that their boyfriends repeatedly whispered the words "I want to have a baby by you," which, in their culture of dating and romance, is the highest form of praise and proof of a willingness to commit. The heady significance of such a declaration is then paired with the high social value that the poor place on having children. Girls from poor neighborhoods often see motherhood as the one aspiration which they can achieve and at which they can excel. While their middle class counterparts assume that college and careers are in their future, poverty-stricken teenagers look for ways in which their lives in the inner city can be improved. Babies are often the answer.

Many of these young mothers actually claim that motherhood saved them from a life of drugs, partying or one in which they had no one to love them. In these neighborhoods, becoming a mother and taking good care of one's children elevates a young woman in the eyes of her peers and the rest of her community in terms of moral stature. It is seen as a sign of maturity and as a mother, she can now command respect. The authors believe that the high value the poor place on having children stems from two sources: fewer opportunities and resources, and stronger absolute preferences.

The authors take us into the lives of single mothers living in eight different neighborhoods and try to shed light on the fact that marriage is just not part of the equation for most of these women. Why not? Edin and Kefalas argue that it is not because there is a lack of marriageable men in the inner city, as some scholars have argued, but rather because these women are not interested in marriage just for the sake of marrying their children's father. They don't want to lose their independence, they don't want to commit to men who may have drug problems or who have beat or cheated on them. In their eyes, marriage has nothing to do with having children, even though many women have hopes that bearing a child will help mold their boyfriends into suitable marriage partners. In fact, we learn about many couples who enjoy a certain honeymoon period when their child is born, reuniting after time spent apart during the pregnancy. But statistically, chances are not good that their plans for the future will become a reality. The authors tell us that by the time their child is one year old, half of all couples have broken up, and by the child's third birthday, two-thirds of all mothers are on their own.

Edin and Kefalas learned from these women that contrary to popular public opinion, poor women who have children out of wedlock actually do value the institution of marriage just as much as middle class women. They dream of marrying good men who will treat them and their children with love and respect. But they differ from their middle class counterparts because they are not willing to wait to find those men in order to have children. However, the authors point out that many single mothers (70 percent) are in fact living with men - boyfriends, fiancés and/or the fathers of at least one of their children. Thus, they argue that the perception of single mothers isn't always accurate, in that these women aren't always heading a household on their own.

The authors argue that action must be taken on a policy level to slow down the rate at which young women are having children out of wedlock, mainly because the children of young mothers have significantly diminished life chances. Edin and Kefalas assert that promoting marriage in and of itself can actually be detrimental to disadvantaged women, as it can only encourage women to enter into or stay in bad relationships. Instead, they think programs aimed at improving the marriage pool for women (i.e., intervening in poor young men's lives before they can get into trouble and convincing them to postpone fatherhood until their late twenties) and at reducing pregnancy among at-risk teens are the surest way to get on the right track towards reducing this trend. They also advocate some form of relationship-skills training for young poor people. However, they believe that the economy needs to be the biggest consideration in the policy equation. Early childbearing is the one way in which the poor establish a sense of self-worth and meaning. If they had greater opportunities in terms of education and jobs and greater access to resources, they would not, in the authors' opinions, be so quick to jump into parenthood.

34 of 38 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Keep this book to get real answers about youth pregnancy in the inner cities, August 25, 2005

By	Robin Orlowski "political activist" (United States) - See all my reviews (TOP 500 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)

The qualitative research in this book explains why so many young women in inner city communities are getting pregnant--and at increasingly younger ages than previous generations of their peers.

1996's welfare reform was driven by the specter of 'lazy' and unmarried teens having litters of children, but this book asks us to consider what responsibility means in neighborhoods with fading and non-existent infrastructure (p. 32).

In these communities having children provides a form of tangible belonging. The kids are not the means to a monthly check, but a way to show the world that 'I had this many strikes against me and I became an adult'. Coming from a middle class background myself, I was particularly struck that these young men are telling women that they want to have a baby with HER eyes (p. 31) because I then realized that a baby would in fact be a representation of the two people having been together at one point.

Ideally they would continue to stay together and raise the kid, but the authors (who previously wrote on urban poverty and welfare issues) also harbor no illusions about the young men who leave during a pregnancy and after a baby is born. Yet they also avoid finger-pointing and moralizing in favor of then examining the role which American society plays in encouraging these young teens to have sex and babies.

Again we go back to the community infrastructure arguments and a disturbing but cognizant picture of complicity develops. Public figures restricting both reproductive and social services in these communities are ironically doing more to encourage subsequent generations to keep having sex. When the women become pregnant, the public figures (like some of the men in this book) develop selective amnesia and refuse to support policies which would help these kids ...etc.

This book is an excellent read for students of welfare/welfare reform. It is also highly recommended for politicians because this group of pre-teens/teenagers is so maligned in American public policy (from abortion access to welfare). Finally, this book is an informative but exciting read for the average person needing to find out what goes on beyond their own little back yard.