Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane) (Paperback)

~ (Author) "Friday was the one evening each week that Holly spent entirely with Kate, usually along with other mothers and their daughters met through Kate's school..." (more)
Key Phrases: slow choices, wild brain, autistic kids, James Vance, Test of Twelve, Los Angeles (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Be warned: In many ways this is a terrifying book. It deals with a subject--violence against children--that most of us never want to consider. But, as Gavin de Becker stresses, such situations, though rare, can occur, so all parents must deal with the facts in order to protect their children properly. De Becker's aim is to create awareness of potential dangers and provide parents with the knowledge necessary for prevention and control. As he emphatically states in Protecting the Gift, much of this knowledge is already hard-wired in the form of intuition: "This natural ability is deep, brilliant, powerful. Nature's greatest accomplishment, the human brain, is stunningly efficient when its host is at risk, but when one's child is at risk, it moves to a whole new level, one we can justifiably call miraculous." The trick, he stresses, is trusting and acting on intuition.

In this valuable, even necessary, book, he shatters many myths about the typical profiles of regular offenders and the prevalence of such problems as sexual abuse and kidnapping. He also deconstructs the wisdom of traditional maxims such as "Never talk to strangers" and "If you are ever lost, go to a policeman." Without offering a compendium of every conceivable danger, he identifies warning signals and real risks that are often easy to spot once you know what to look for. He offers practical advice on recognizing signs of sexual abuse, choosing a baby sitter or nanny, how to prepare kids for walking to school alone, and how to teach children about potential risks without making them afraid to venture out of the house. And he continually stresses that denial and ignoring intuition are the biggest mistakes that parents make in protecting their kids from those that mean them harm. Well written and infinitely informative, Protecting the Gift affords parents more confidence and less reason for unnecessary worry. --Shawn Carkonen --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Publishers Weekly

Dostoyevski said that child abuse is evil because it destroys a childs faith in the goodness of God. In this painstakingly practical yet impassioned guide, de Becker, author of last years bestselling The Gift of Fear, demonstrates that a child who was himself abused can grow up to be a vigilant protector of the gift of childrens innate faith in the goodness of life. Writing with a precision honed from his long experience as a security expert predicting violence in order to protect high-profile clients, and with a depth born of his own childhood understanding of how it feels to be hurt by the adult you love, de Becker describes how we can keep our children safe. Although he devotes separate chapters to the special threats facing children and teens, females and males (the murderous romance of boys and guns is covered), his basic message is encapsulated in 12 steps. Echoing his previous book, the first step involves teaching children to honor their feelingsspecifically, the intuition that makes them fear certain people. Children also need a parents permission to be assertive, to defy adults, to yell and fully resist. Throughout, de Becker stresses a childs need to trust that a parent will be open to listen about any experience, no matter how unpleasant. He opens and concludes with tales of ordinary mothers who overcame their doubts and inhibitions to experience a brilliantly intuitive wild brain as they fought off attackers to protect their children. De Becker offers a guide to fostering this fierce intelligence in our kids, ourselves and our society. Everyone in contact with children should read this important book. It can help save lives. BOMC, QPB and Childrens BOMC featured alternates; first serial to USA Weekend; second serial to Good Housekeeping; author tour.
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 352 pages
• Publisher: Dell (May 9, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0440509009
• ISBN-13: 978-0440509004
• Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6.1 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (115 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #2,727 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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  #4 in	Books > Health, Mind & Body > Relationships > Conflict Management
  #34 in	Books > Parenting & Families > Parenting > Child Care

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

47 of 50 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Don't Procrastinate!, April 30, 2002

By	Kym "An adventurous unschooling mama" (Roaming the US) - See all my reviews

I hate reading anything that makes me feel anxious and initially this book sat on the shelf for weeks before I actually picked it up. I was so glad I did because there is such valuable information in here and I actually feel better about my child's safety than I did before.

Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe and Parents Sane is about how to teach your child to trust her instincts when it comes to safety. Since 90% of child abuse and abductions occur by people well-known to your child, teaching her to talk to strangers just doesn't work. Instead, the author gives you detailed and logical steps to take, starting as early as toddlerhood, so you'll know how to help your child learn to follow her instincive feelings about whether someone is safe or not.

Crucial information about how to be prepared for (God forbid but we should all be prepared just in case) the event that your child may be seperated from you in public. Examples include making a daily detailed mental note of the clothing your child is wearing, keeping large photocopies of your child's picture and name in your purse/wallet so you can hand them out to security personel within seconds of your child's disappearance and an action plan for immediate implementation.

There is SO much in this book - every bit of it worth reading so you can protect your child - and I can't recommend it strongly enough. Read it NOW and be prepared.

37 of 39 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars If you care about kids, you should read this book!, July 13, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (And Parents Sane) (Hardcover)

Gavin De Becker's new book is a valuable and important extension of his excellent "The Gift of Fear." I teach high school psychology and had my classes read TGOF, which proved to be an eye-opening, empowering tool for teenagers. "Protecting the Gift" expands on these ideas by specifically focusing on child and teenager safety. While I agree with some minor criticisms that the new book repeats some older material, the repeated material is worth hearing again, and the new book provides the most thoughtful and specific advice I have heard on how to talk to children about self-protection. As I new parent, I am grateful for De Becker's instructions. My own parents are wonderful, but as I suspect is true of the vast majority of families, they never talked to me as a child about how to recognize, prevent, and report sexual abuse--or how to trust my intuition and say no to adults in any number of questionable circumstances. By teaching us how to engage in this dialogue, De Becker is doing the public a great service!

18 of 20 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars I really recommend this book!, November 16, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (And Parents Sane) (Hardcover)

My one diappointment with this book was that so many of the anecdotes were straight out of his first book, THE GIFT OF FEAR. Given his extraordinarily broad range of experiences, surely Gavin de Becker could have served up something fresher (shame on his editors, too). Aside from that, however, this is a terrific book, worth every penny -- and more. One key nugget of advice he gives is to tell children that when lost, seek out someone, preferably a woman, for help -- the point being that women are more likely to be helpful, and that when a child chooses someone he is less likely to be victimized than when someone else chooses him. Sounds obvious -- and yet, most people tell their kids "don't talk to strangers". This advice applies to adults as well -- choose before you are chosen. This is all good old fashioned common sense, but we don't always recognize it until someone like de Becker points it out. And he has, so very well. Thank you Gavin de Becker, and I hope you'll write more books with more (new) stories.