Pure Desire: How One Man's Triumph Over His Greatest Struggle Can Help Others Break Free [Paperback]

Ted Roberts (Author), Jack W. Hayford (Foreword)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 1999

Dr. Ted Roberts found Christ in the skies over Vietnam, where he flew life-and-death missions as a Marine fighter pilot. Unbeknownst to his wife, however, he also brought home from the war an addiction to pornography. Since his recovery, Dr. Roberts has spoken to thousands of men about similar problems, and he has reached an inescapable conclusion: Hell is using sexual bondage to tear the Church apart! Our world, our homes, our churches have become raging battlefields over this issue, and the Internet a stealth bomber from hell with pornography as its payload. More and more men-even Christian leaders-are fighting for their spiritual lives. Now churches can counterattack the enemy's assault with this effective battle plan and strategy for dealing with sexual addiction. It's a matter of spiritual life or death.

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Ted Roberts is senior pastor of East Hill Foursquare Church in Gresham, Oregon. With a weekly attendance of more than 7,000, the church has experienced unique growth in the areas of small group ministry with support groups for those victimized by drugs and alcohol, divorce, dysfunctional families and sexual addiction. Ted is a former fighter pilot in the United States Marine Corps. He and his wife, Diane, have two children, Nichole and Bryan.

Product Details

• Paperback: 300 pages
• Publisher: Gospel Light Publications; 2nd Printing edition (April 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0830723358
• ISBN-13: 978-0830723355
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.5 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (22 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #603,617 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #63 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Recovery > Sexual

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

66 of 69 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars I can't say enough good things about this book!, February 23, 2002

By 

S (USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Pure Desire: How One Man's Triumph Over His Greatest Struggle Can Help Others Break Free (Paperback)

When one uses the term "sexual addiction," one must hasten to clarify that the term is not used to excuse sexual sin, but to describe a pattern of sexual misbehavior that persists despite a strong desire for purity. Those who are born again desire to do good, but many become ensnared into a pattern of physical, or at least mental, adultery. Sexual addiction is 1) a state of chemical dependency on the chemicals released in the brain during orgasm 2) a state of being bound by demons 3) a habitual, unchosen method of coping with fundamental problems in one's person. This state can be expressed in persistent patterns of: fantasizing about sex with someone besides one's spouse, masturbation, viewing pornography, extramarital sex, or illegal sexual behavior. The problem of sexual addiction, like other addictions, is worthy of study because the Church's typical answer to addiction does not set people free. In fact, a pastor who preaches and counsels people to try harder and to read their Bible, simply prays for them, or attempts to shame them into purity will reinforce the root of the addiction, not pull it out.

Sexual addiction is an out-of-control, ingrained pattern of behavior that is not broken by making promises of abstinence to oneself or by trying harder. Pastor Ted Roberts refers to sexual addiction as a noose because making promises to oneself, or getting prayer for lust to be removed, only makes the guilt stronger, which makes the behavior worse, just as a noose can be tightened by pulling against it. Roberts counsels addicts to seek help so that someone else can cut the noose. The one who cuts the noose is Jesus, but let us be careful not to oversimplify. Because Jesus does not want to remove the humanity inherent in our capacity for intimacy, he does not remove lust. Instead He gives love and forgiveness that heal the root of addiction so that body, soul, and spirit can be aligned under Him. A single person's body must experience three months of chastity, without the flush of chemicals associated with orgasm. His mind must be renewed by learning about how God views him and his problems. His spirit must be washed in the word of God by reading and memorization. The whole person must be healed. Practical, transparent accountability relationships must be established and adhered to, preferably in a small group bible study focussed on sexual addiction. Demonic strongholds must be supernaturally destroyed by spiritual warfare. The reason prayer does not usually solve sexual addiction is because demonic bondage is not the only problem- the other, time-consuming steps listed above must be taken. If we pray for demon influence over a person to be removed, the person can still invite the demon back if he has not learned to stop using sexuality to cope with life.

Roberts describes the "addictive mind set" as being unrenewed in the areas of self-esteem, believing one is unlovable and alone, and searching for sexual highs. He describes the "sexual lifestyle" as a cycle of: fantasy, followed by a ritual of behavior, followed by an attempt to muster more will power to avoid another sin, later followed by more shame and guilt, leading to more fantasy. Pastor Roberts' successful deliverance ministry has shown empirically that this noose is only cut by doing the opposite of what people expect: by removing the shame. This is accomplished by accepting Christ's forgiveness, by gaining pride that the Christian addict cares enough to confront his own behavior, by putting faith in the work that Christ is doing in His bride to make her without spot or wrinkle. Roberts describes the "addictive cloak" as the isolation resulting from denial, delusion, and blame. Accountability relationships remove the addictive cloak. Roberts describes the root of addiction as family dysfunction (especially lack of a healthy, strong, relationship between child and father), personal trauma (notably sexual abuse), and exposure to an addicting society.

I hope it is clear that this approach to deliverance is not a modern fad. One hundred years ago, what Roberts calls "cutting the noose," Hudson Taylor's daughter called "Hudson Taylor's spiritual secret."

26 of 27 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Response to Pure Desire, May 1, 2000

By 

Charlie Ray (Lenexa, Kansas) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Pure Desire: How One Man's Triumph Over His Greatest Struggle Can Help Others Break Free (Paperback)

I had been enslaved in Sexual addiction for years and have been in recovery for 3 years and have read literally all the books I could get ahold of about sexual addiction and this book is number one in my opinion. Pastor Roberts reaches to the very heart of the issue of sexual addiction. The diagram about the noose of sexual addiction has been very informative and helpful. You will learn about sexual addiction and be deeper in recovery than ever before. Diane Roberts last two chapters in the book struck my heart as never before, it is good to hear the woman's side and perspective. This book deserves 5 stars and plus. If you want to learn about sexual addiction this is the book!

27 of 29 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Read this book NOW if you struggle with sexual addiction!, October 31, 2002

By 

Erik Olson "Seeker Reviews" (Ridgefield, WA United States) - See all my reviews
(TOP 1000 REVIEWER)    (VINE VOICE)    (REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Pure Desire: How One Man's Triumph Over His Greatest Struggle Can Help Others Break Free (Paperback)

One of my seminary counseling teachers wanted to make Pure Desire required reading during the Fall 2001 semester, but had read it too late to include it in our class reading list. Her strong recommendation of this book made me want to read it ASAP, and I managed to fit it in between my regular course reading. It was definitely worth the free time I had to sacrifice in order to read it. Suffice to say, Pure Desire is one of the best books on healing sexual addiction that I've ever read. I can say that because I've been able to personally investigate the book's background and apply its truths to my own life, since I live very close to Ted Roberts' church in Gresham, Oregon.

In addition to reading the book, I attended Dr. Roberts' three-day Pure Desire Seminar, which is intended for pastors who want to start a ministry for sexual addicts in their own churches. During the seminar, I (and others) directly questioned Dr. Roberts and his staff about their methods, theology, etc. Their answers backed up what I read in the book, and my interaction with them showed me their genuine desire to see people healed from the bondage of sexual addiction. Finally, I visited one of their For Men Only (FMO) sexual addiction healing groups as part of my seminary internship, and I found it so helpful for my own struggles that I have stayed with it for almost nine months and counting.

Basically, I have found the methods and ideas presented in the book to actually work in real life. For example, one of the main healing strategies Dr. Roberts advocates is to become part of a small group where men can "confess [their] trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that [they] may be healed (James 4:7)." I have seen a number of men go through the FMO group I attend, and there seem to be two types. First, there are the ones who know they have a problem (usually because they have gotten into trouble due to their addiction), but are not really ready to deal with it. These men tend to stay for awhile, and then leave the group to go back to their addiction. Second, there are the ones who have truly hit bottom and are willing to persevere on the long road to healing. It is these men who are honest with their struggles, and therefore they avoid such traps as rationalizing and compartmentalizing their addiction. Sure, we all take turns with discouragement and despair, and lapses do occur. But when others are there to lovingly bear the burden and provide accountability, it helps us get through the valley and go back up the mountainside. Of all the small groups I've been in over the years, this one has by far been the best for my own personal healing. Therefore, I can vouch firsthand for Dr. Roberts' exhortation to avoid the trap of isolation (which makes it easy to act out) by becoming part of a healthy group situation.

I believe that the central theme of Pure Desire is the restoration of healthy, loving, and holy relationships with God, self, and others. Sexual addiction is a symptom of a deeper relational problem. It is a sinful solution to a real desire for intimacy on the part of the addict. Pure Desire presents a way out of this trap that works if you really want to follow it. No, its not easy or quick, because true healing in this area takes time. And to be honest, it can be difficult to find help for this issue due to the closed-minded attitude of some churches toward sexual issues and problems. But it is possible, because I have found Christians willing to help, and over time I have observed healing gradually taking place in myself and others. If you are struggling with sexual addiction, you need to read this book (and others like it) and get help. You can pay now by owing up to your problem and getting on the road to healing, or you can pay later with your marriage, your reputation, or even your life. It's up to you, man.