Customer Reviews

Pure Desire: How One Man's Triumph Over His Greatest Struggle Can Help Others Break Free

5 star:		(18)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

When one uses the term "sexual addiction," one must hasten to clarify that the term is not used to excuse sexual sin, but to describe a pattern of sexual misbehavior that persists despite a strong desire for purity. Those who are born again desire to do good, but many become ensnared into a pattern of physical, or at least mental, adultery. Sexual addiction is 1) a state of chemical dependency on the chemicals released in the brain during orgasm 2) a state of being bound by demons 3) a habitual, unchosen method of coping with fundamental problems in one's person. This state can be expressed in persistent patterns of: fantasizing about sex with someone besides one's spouse, masturbation, viewing pornography, extramarital sex, or illegal sexual behavior. The problem of sexual addiction, like other addictions, is worthy of study because the Church's typical answer to addiction does not set people free. In fact, a pastor who preaches and counsels people to try harder and to read their Bible, simply prays for them, or attempts to shame them into purity will reinforce the root of the addiction, not pull it out.

Sexual addiction is an out-of-control, ingrained pattern of behavior that is not broken by making promises of abstinence to oneself or by trying harder. Pastor Ted Roberts refers to sexual addiction as a noose because making promises to oneself, or getting prayer for lust to be removed, only makes the guilt stronger, which makes the behavior worse, just as a noose can be tightened by pulling against it. Roberts counsels addicts to seek help so that someone else can cut the noose. The one who cuts the noose is Jesus, but let us be careful not to oversimplify. Because Jesus does not want to remove the humanity inherent in our capacity for intimacy, he does not remove lust. Instead He gives love and forgiveness that heal the root of addiction so that body, soul, and spirit can be aligned under Him. A single person's body must experience three months of chastity, without the flush of chemicals associated with orgasm. His mind must be renewed by learning about how God views him and his problems. His spirit must be washed in the word of God by reading and memorization. The whole person must be healed. Practical, transparent accountability relationships must be established and adhered to, preferably in a small group bible study focussed on sexual addiction. Demonic strongholds must be supernaturally destroyed by spiritual warfare. The reason prayer does not usually solve sexual addiction is because demonic bondage is not the only problem- the other, time-consuming steps listed above must be taken. If we pray for demon influence over a person to be removed, the person can still invite the demon back if he has not learned to stop using sexuality to cope with life.

Roberts describes the "addictive mind set" as being unrenewed in the areas of self-esteem, believing one is unlovable and alone, and searching for sexual highs. He describes the "sexual lifestyle" as a cycle of: fantasy, followed by a ritual of behavior, followed by an attempt to muster more will power to avoid another sin, later followed by more shame and guilt, leading to more fantasy. Pastor Roberts' successful deliverance ministry has shown empirically that this noose is only cut by doing the opposite of what people expect: by removing the shame. This is accomplished by accepting Christ's forgiveness, by gaining pride that the Christian addict cares enough to confront his own behavior, by putting faith in the work that Christ is doing in His bride to make her without spot or wrinkle. Roberts describes the "addictive cloak" as the isolation resulting from denial, delusion, and blame. Accountability relationships remove the addictive cloak. Roberts describes the root of addiction as family dysfunction (especially lack of a healthy, strong, relationship between child and father), personal trauma (notably sexual abuse), and exposure to an addicting society.

I hope it is clear that this approach to deliverance is not a modern fad. One hundred years ago, what Roberts calls "cutting the noose," Hudson Taylor's daughter called "Hudson Taylor's spiritual secret."

I had been enslaved in Sexual addiction for years and have been in recovery for 3 years and have read literally all the books I could get ahold of about sexual addiction and this book is number one in my opinion. Pastor Roberts reaches to the very heart of the issue of sexual addiction. The diagram about the noose of sexual addiction has been very informative and helpful. You will learn about sexual addiction and be deeper in recovery than ever before. Diane Roberts last two chapters in the book struck my heart as never before, it is good to hear the woman's side and perspective. This book deserves 5 stars and plus. If you want to learn about sexual addiction this is the book!

One of my seminary counseling teachers wanted to make Pure Desire required reading during the Fall 2001 semester, but had read it too late to include it in our class reading list. Her strong recommendation of this book made me want to read it ASAP, and I managed to fit it in between my regular course reading. It was definitely worth the free time I had to sacrifice in order to read it. Suffice to say, Pure Desire is one of the best books on healing sexual addiction that I've ever read. I can say that because I've been able to personally investigate the book's background and apply its truths to my own life, since I live very close to Ted Roberts' church in Gresham, Oregon.

In addition to reading the book, I attended Dr. Roberts' three-day Pure Desire Seminar, which is intended for pastors who want to start a ministry for sexual addicts in their own churches. During the seminar, I (and others) directly questioned Dr. Roberts and his staff about their methods, theology, etc. Their answers backed up what I read in the book, and my interaction with them showed me their genuine desire to see people healed from the bondage of sexual addiction. Finally, I visited one of their For Men Only (FMO) sexual addiction healing groups as part of my seminary internship, and I found it so helpful for my own struggles that I have stayed with it for almost nine months and counting.

Basically, I have found the methods and ideas presented in the book to actually work in real life. For example, one of the main healing strategies Dr. Roberts advocates is to become part of a small group where men can "confess [their] trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that [they] may be healed (James 4:7)." I have seen a number of men go through the FMO group I attend, and there seem to be two types. First, there are the ones who know they have a problem (usually because they have gotten into trouble due to their addiction), but are not really ready to deal with it. These men tend to stay for awhile, and then leave the group to go back to their addiction. Second, there are the ones who have truly hit bottom and are willing to persevere on the long road to healing. It is these men who are honest with their struggles, and therefore they avoid such traps as rationalizing and compartmentalizing their addiction. Sure, we all take turns with discouragement and despair, and lapses do occur. But when others are there to lovingly bear the burden and provide accountability, it helps us get through the valley and go back up the mountainside. Of all the small groups I've been in over the years, this one has by far been the best for my own personal healing. Therefore, I can vouch firsthand for Dr. Roberts' exhortation to avoid the trap of isolation (which makes it easy to act out) by becoming part of a healthy group situation.

I believe that the central theme of Pure Desire is the restoration of healthy, loving, and holy relationships with God, self, and others. Sexual addiction is a symptom of a deeper relational problem. It is a sinful solution to a real desire for intimacy on the part of the addict. Pure Desire presents a way out of this trap that works if you really want to follow it. No, its not easy or quick, because true healing in this area takes time. And to be honest, it can be difficult to find help for this issue due to the closed-minded attitude of some churches toward sexual issues and problems. But it is possible, because I have found Christians willing to help, and over time I have observed healing gradually taking place in myself and others. If you are struggling with sexual addiction, you need to read this book (and others like it) and get help. You can pay now by owing up to your problem and getting on the road to healing, or you can pay later with your marriage, your reputation, or even your life. It's up to you, man.

Addiction to lust has enslaved me for years. It finally caught up to me, and took my family down with it. After having multiple affairs, lying, repenting, and doing it all over again; I was beat. I felt as though there was not an end to this addiction, and this is just who I am. Roberts book "Pure Desire", gave me an outlook and a hope for the future of "Breaking Free." I recommend this book not only for recovery, but for the one whom wants to be a leader and lover for Christ. Stay tuned to find out the conclusion of "the real story", which happens to be my own. With guidance and wisdom of Roberts, I am now looking forward to the challenges that God has in store for my life.

Section I: A PLACE OF HOPE Chapter 1 -- Dr. Ted Roberts: Sex Expert? (former U.S. Marine pilot and sexual addict turned pastor) Chapter 2 -- Spirituality is Sexy (God created sexuality; our most important sex organ: our mind; seeking group help) Chapter 3 -- When Sex Becomes Sick in the Heart (the addictive noose: the addictive root, the addictive mind-set, the addictive lifestyle, the addictive cloak; know and be open about our own weaknesses; how family dysfunction contributes to sexual addiction: the Biblical example of King David and his son, Absalom) Chapter 4 -- Clueless in the Midst of the Battle (how sexual addiction becomes a coping mechanism for personal trauma; early exposure to pornography; pornography's progression: emotional high from the fantasy, the need for more stimulating material, numbness and denial, repeated promises to quit followed by the shame of continual relapses) Chapter 5 -- The Answer to a Wounded Heart (the only answer to shame: the cross of Christ; the ongoing process of understanding the death of Christ; God's love is greater than the shame of sexual addiction) Chapter 6 -- When Sex is Lord (how sexual addiction behavior begins and follows a predictable pattern; fantasy; rituals; shame and guilt; the example of the Prodigal Son; what maintains the addiction: refusing to follow directions, maintaining a high-risk lifestyle, and trying to stop without help [which results in the high relapse rate]) Chapter 7 -- When Jesus Starts Becoming Lord (discovering the predictable, recognizable pattern of sexual addiction: Under what conditions am I most tempted? [the day of the week, the time of day, the place] How do I feel when I am being tempted? What does the sexual sin give me that I feel I need? recognizing rituals and triggers; learning emergency procedures for the critical moments of temptation: identifying the conditions under which a relapse is most likely to occur, keeping physically and mentally fit, calling a group member for prayer and encouragement when tempted, combating isolation through the social outreach of a small group, nurturing ourselves, and memorizing Scripture; understanding that healing is a process; facing the wound within) Section II -- A PLACE OF HEALING Chapter 8 -- The Cleansing Hope of a Vision (learning true intimacy; a Biblical pattern: mutual submission and sacrificial love; sexuality as a mystery, offering a picture of Christ's relationship with His people) Chapter 9 -- The Power of Vision (the core of a vision: good character and spiritual understanding; self-discipline, a learned behavior; fear of boredom, fear of long-term commitments, fear of limited options) Chapter 10 -- The Bitter Waters of Healing (dealing with personal trauma, denial, minimizing, rationalization, dissociation; trauma and the human brain; wake-up calls for healing: dreams and nightmares, flashbacks, and body memories; God leading His people from bitter waters to sweet) Chapter 11 -- Values: The Titanic Challenge (being alert to our limits; the cost of compartmentalizing; impatience; frustration; defeat) Chapter 12 -- Kingdom Toughness (recognizing God's authority over our lives; staying in the blessing of marriage; choosing to be grateful) Chapter 13 -- Lord of the Mulligans (discovering the Wonderful Counselor; coming out of hiding; Do you really love God? taking a "Mulligan" by applying mercy) Chapter 14 -- The Ultimate Challenge (God uses "uncut stones": people with imperfections; facing our own incompleteness and need for growth; helping people fulfill their God-given dreams; proclaiming God's grace; paying the price of helping others overcome addiction) Chapter 15 -- His Realities and Her Realities [A Perspective by Diane Roberts, the author's wife] (addiction is a family problem; what "letting go" means and doesn't mean; codependent behaviors; establishing healthy boundaries; obtaining healthy self-esteem from Scriptural teachings; learning to trust again: sincerity, ability, and durability) Chapter 16 -- Accept No Substitutes [A Perspective by Diane Roberts, the author's wife] (a universal need for love; dealing with hurts from the past; recognizing denial; applying the death of Jesus Christ to one's shame of sexual addiction) Appendix A -- Testimonies (Dane and Richard) Appendix B -- The Sexual Addiction Screening Test (SAST) Appendix C -- Suggested Resources

As a therapist, I have found Ted Robert's book to be invaluable, not only in my work with individuals and families struggling with addictions, but for my clients who also suffer from depression, anxiety, and who struggle with relationship problems. Ted and Diane Roberts have perfectly blended grace, discipline, experience, and good clinical principles to provide a healing tool that has already been of benefit to scores of my counseling clients.

One of my seminary counseling teachers wanted to make Pure Desire required reading during the Fall 2001 semester, but had read it too late to include it in our class reading list. Her strong recommendation of this book made me want to read it ASAP, and I managed to fit it in between my regular course reading. It was definitely worth the free time I had to sacrifice in order to read it. Suffice to say, Pure Desire is one of the best books on healing sexual addiction that I've ever read. I can say that because I've been able to personally investigate the book's background and apply its truths to my own life, since I live very close to Ted Roberts' church in Gresham, Oregon.

In addition to reading the book, I attended Dr. Roberts' three-day Pure Desire Seminar, which is intended for pastors who want to start a ministry for sexual addicts in their own churches. During the seminar, I (and others) directly questioned Dr. Roberts and his staff about their methods, theology, etc. Their answers backed up what I read in the book, and my interaction with them showed me their genuine desire to see people healed from the bondage of sexual addiction. Finally, I visited one of their For Men Only (FMO) sexual addiction healing groups as part of my seminary internship, and I found it so helpful for my own struggles that I have stayed with it for almost nine months and counting.

Basically, I have found the methods and ideas presented in the book to actually work in real life. For example, one of the main healing strategies Dr. Roberts advocates is to become part of a small group where men can "confess [their] trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that [they] may be healed (James 4:7)." I have seen a number of men go through the FMO group I attend, and there seem to be two types. First, there are the ones who know they have a problem (usually because they have gotten into trouble due to their addiction), but are not really ready to deal with it. These men tend to stay for awhile, and then leave the group to go back to their addiction. Second, there are the ones who have truly hit bottom and are willing to persevere on the long road to healing. It is these men who are honest with their struggles, and therefore they avoid such traps as rationalizing and compartmentalizing their addiction. Sure, we all take turns with discouragement and despair, and lapses do occur. But when others are there to lovingly bear the burden and provide accountability, it helps us get through the valley and go back up the mountainside. Of all the small groups I've been in over the years, this one has by far been the best for my own personal healing. Therefore, I can vouch firsthand for Dr. Roberts' exhortation to avoid the trap of isolation (which makes it easy to act out) by becoming part of a healthy group situation.

I believe that the central theme of Pure Desire is the restoration of healthy, loving, and holy relationships with God, self, and others. Sexual addiction is a symptom of a deeper relational problem. It is a sinful solution to a real desire for intimacy on the part of the addict. Pure Desire presents a way out of this trap that really works if you want to follow it. No, its not easy or quick, because true healing in this area takes time. And to be honest, it can be difficult to find help for this issue due to the closed-minded attitude of some churches toward sexual issues and problems. But it is possible, because I have found Christians willing to help, and over time I have observed healing gradually taking place in myself and others. If you are struggling with sexual addiction, you need to read this book (and others like it) and get help. You can pay now by owing up to your problem and getting on the road to healing, or you can pay later with your marriage, your reputation, or even your life. The path you choose is up to you.

Sexual issues are so difficult to address because they are often masked as other issues. Dr. Roberts addresses these issues with kindness and straight forwardness that can only come from years of caring and counseling. This is written to the man on the street and not in "doctor-ese"

My wife and I loved it and I continue to study it.

Pastor Ted Roberts boldly and openly addresses the issue of sexual addiction.

Pastor Roberts delivers an incredibly powerful teaching based upon his life experience. His experiences (which make "Pure Desire" riveting) are plentiful and relevant to this subject. Ted's challenges growing up (seven stepfathers in an alcoholic environment), his fantastic adventure as a Marine fighter pilot in Vietnam, his commitment to Jesus Christ, his battle (and victory) against addiction, and Ted's twenty-plus years in the counseling office all contribute richly to a message that will help people move out of their cell of despair and into the full blessing of God.

The Lord has placed His hand on Pastor Roberts, giving him a mission and a message for those who are ensnared in the web of addiction. If you struggle with sexual bondage and wish to change your habits, "Pure Desire" will describe how to do that. This book delivers a gracious word that will give you hope and encouragement and a practical approach to overcome destructive habits.

If you are not battling addiction, "Pure Desire" will provide insight and understanding of the behaviors (and mind set) that block so many from reaching their God-given dreams and desires. This book offers insight on how to help others climb out of the pit of shame and step into the fullness of God's love.

Don't miss this spirit-filled message. It will enrich your life.

Desire is not a bad thing, but like everything in the fallen world in which we live, it has been tainted by sin and perverted by Satan. The perversion that Satan offers is just a tainted shadow of reality, not even resembling the Real Thing. Nevertheless, those illusions and shadows are comforting because they help ease the pain of living in such a fallen world. Thus an addiction begins that eventually may seem hopeless to break. However, there is hope and in PURE DESIRE Pastor Roberts explains why.

This book deals specifically with sexual addiction. However, the information found here is just as helpful in dealing with an addiction of any sort: whether it be alcohol, drugs, food, or anything else. The book is written towards men, but can be just as helpful for women trapped in bondage. We've liven in a chained world long enough. It's time to break free and get back to the basics.