The Purpose of Boys: Helping Our Sons Find Meaning, Significance, and Direction in Their Lives [Hardcover]

Michael Gurian (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 6, 2009

The final and conclusive book in the groundbreaking series on boys and their development

In this climax to his series of landmark books about boys, Michael Gurian offers a powerful new program to help us give our sons a core purpose–a program based on building morality, character, career goals, the ability to form intimate relationships, selflessness, personal and community responsibility, and an accelerated process of developmental maturity. Gurian reveals how important purpose is for the success and happiness of boys and explains how a boy's core personality, nature, and genetic predisposition functions to create both strengths and weaknesses in their journey towards maturity.

• Includes an innovative program for support and interventions according to the unique needs, weaknesses, and strengths of each individual young man.
• This book is the follow-up to Gurian's bestselling The Minds of Boys
• Draws on the latest science and field research on how boys develop neurologically
• Gurian explores the unique issues boys must confront, and shows how their strategy for moral development and success in life is predicated on their nature and genetic predispositions.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Family therapist, author and boy advocate Gurian (The Wonder of Boys; The Minds of Boys) observes that many boys are struggling to find a sense of purpose, and society has not sufficiently stepped up to the plate to help. Gurian paints a grim picture of boys who have lost their footing; many are failing in school; turning to drugs, alcohol or gangs; and engaging in violent behavior. Gurian attributes this disturbing trend to a lack of purpose and urges parents to help their male offspring channel their energies into productive lives. By employing a three-family system, Gurian argues, parents can join together with other adults—leaders, mentors, coaches—and such institutions as schools and churches, to help boys refocus and get back on track. The author offers practical suggestions for helping parents address boys' needs, tackling such issues as sexuality, work and overuse of electronic media. Particularly useful are Gurian's boxed questions for discussion, which will help parents and educators communicate directly with boys themselves. He also includes suggestions to help boys succeed in academic settings, for example, using movement, project-driven curricula and debate. Gurian's team approach to raising a son gives parents the tools and encouragement they need to help boys find direction and fulfillment. (Apr.)
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Review

Family therapist, author and boy advocate Gurian (The Wonder of Boys; The Minds of Boys) observes that many boys are struggling to find a sense of purpose, and society has not sufficiently stepped up to the plate to help. Gurian paints a grim picture of boys who have lost their footing; many are failing in school; turning to drugs, alcohol or gangs; and engaging in violent behavior. Gurian attributes this disturbing trend to a lack of purpose and urges parents to help their male offspring channel their energies into productive lives. By employing a three-family system, Gurian argues, parents can join together with other adults—leaders, mentors, coaches—and such institutions as schools and churches, to help boys refocus and get back on track. The author offers practical suggestions for helping parents address boys' needs, tackling such issues as sexuality, work and overuse of electronic media. Particularly useful are Gurian's boxed questions for discussion, which will help parents and educators communicate directly with boys themselves. He also includes suggestions to help boys succeed in academic settings, for example, using movement, project-driven curricula and debate. Gurian's team approach to raising a son gives parents the tools and encouragement they need to help boys find direction and fulfillment. (Apr.) (Publishers Weekly, March 2, 2009)

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 272 pages
• Publisher: Jossey-Bass; 1 edition (April 6, 2009)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0470243376
• ISBN-13: 978-0470243374
• Product Dimensions: 9.2 x 6.4 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (14 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #260,422 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Michael Gurian is a social philosopher, family therapist, corporate consultant, and the New York Times bestselling author of twenty books published in fifteen languages. The Gurian Institute, which he co-founded, conducts research internationally, launches pilot programs and trains professionals. Michael has been called "the people's philosopher" for his ability to bring together people's ordinary lives and scientific ideas.
As a social philosopher, he has pioneered efforts to bring neuro-biology and brain research into homes, workplaces, schools and public policy. A number of his ground-breaking books in child development, including THE WONDER OF BOYS, BOYS AND GIRLS LEARN DIFFERENTLY! THE WONDER OF GIRLS and WHAT COULD HE BE THINKING? have sparked national debate. His newest work, THE MINDS OF BOYS (September 2005) provides a revolutionary new framework, based in neuro-biology, by which to understand and care for the educational needs of our sons.
Michael has served as a consultant to families, corporations, therapists, physicians, school districts, community agencies, churches, criminal justice personnel and other professionals, traveling to approximately 20 cities a year to keynote at conferences. His training videos (also available as DVDs) for parents and volunteers are used by Big Brother and Big Sister agencies in the U.S. and Canada.
As an educator, Michael previously taught at Gonzaga University, Eastern Washington University, and Ankara University. His speaking engagements include Harvard University, Johns Hopkins University, Stanford University, Macalester College, University of Colorado, University of Missouri-Kansas City, and UCLA. His philosophy reflects the diverse cultures (European, Asian, Middle Eastern and American) in which he has lived, worked and studied.
Michael's work has been featured in various media, including the New York Times, the Washington Post, USA Today, Newsweek, Time, People, Reader's Digest, the Wall Street Journal, Parenting, Good Housekeeping, Redbook, and on the Today Show, Good Morning America, CNN, PBS and National Public Radio.
Michael can be reached on the worldwide web at
www.michaelgurian.com

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

18 of 19 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Great read for all parents of young sons, April 30, 2009

By 

Anthony Chen "Tony @ savvydaddy.com" (Chicago, IL) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: The Purpose of Boys: Helping Our Sons Find Meaning, Significance, and Direction in Their Lives (Hardcover)

I'm so glad that I read this book while my son is still pretty young. It has changed the way I see my son, interpret his words/actions, and the way I will parent him going forward. His make-believe battles with aliens, his desire to destroy whatever block building we build is all starting to make sense now.

Michael Gurian does an excellent job explaining why our sons, especially, need a purpose. With a good mix of real parenting stories and scientific evidence (about what's going on in boys' brains and bodies as they grow up), the book provides a solid case for parenting our boys differently than girls, and how practically to do it. Boys' brains and bodies are wired up differently -- this partially explains those age-old gender stereotypes (e.g. boys are project-oriented, girls are relationship-oriented; boys can usually only focus on 1 thing at a time, girls multitask, etc). But more importantly, it requires us parents to nurture/encourage/motivate them differently than we might think.

As Gurian eludes, there is a perfect storm happening against the development of boys today. And the data looks bleak. Think about this: 85% of the world's ritalin is taken by boys in America. For every 15-19 year old girl that commits suicide, there are 5.5 boys who do so in that same age range. On whole, this generation of boys in America lack purpose, doesn't work hard, is overentertained, and is overmedicated. As a result, they're checking out of education, losing their sense of self, and not motivated to engage in anything meaningful.

Given this situation, this book proposes that the key to buck the trend is to help boys find their meaningful purpose in ways friendly to boys. There's questions and conversation-starters at the end of every chapter. There's compelling stories of "troubled" boys turned around. And there's concepts that you may already be partially doing (e.g. "team parenting" where the parents serve as team leaders for the "village" of adults as they do individual parents).

Like all parenting books, take what's useful and ignore what's not. For me, the most useful section was Chapter 8 on how to re-integrate this lost idea of a "rite of passage" for boys becoming men in our culture. I also was particularly challenged by the "parent-led team" concept, whereby we parents recruit, partner up, and lead (in some sense) a whole team of educators, coaches, older relatives -- all for the sake of helping our sons find their purpose. It does take a village!

I'd highly recommend this book to anyone who has a son. Many of the concepts are probably most helpful for parents with younger sons, but parents of tween and teenagers would also find this useful.

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars What does it mean to be a boy or a man?, July 14, 2009

By 

Someone's Mom (Chesapeake, VA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Purpose of Boys: Helping Our Sons Find Meaning, Significance, and Direction in Their Lives (Hardcover)

This is a really excellent book which purports to address america's current "boy problem". Why is it that so many young boys are on Ritalin? why so many fewer boys end up completing college than girls of a similar socioeconomic status? why it appears that boys do less well in school from an early age?

What's interesting about Gurian's analysis is he doesn't simply engage in blaming -- he doesn't blame schools or teachers or the media. rather, he asks us to think a bit deeper, asking whether the role of boys and men as well as the meaning attached to being a man has changed as a result of our industrialized society. He yearns for a return to an earlier era where there were clearly defined roles, expectations and rites of passage for young boys. and yet, he's not sexist. he doesn't necessarily seek to reimpose outdated gender roles, but rather to help boys and men find a sense of purpose in life today. This work incorporates many practical suggestions for activities that parents can carry out with boys, as well as addressing the importance of mentors. this would be a useful read for any parent or school administrator.

4 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Helpful for this mother of 5-year-old boy as I look to his future, June 6, 2009

By 

Jennifer Donovan "5minutesforbooks" (Houston, TX) - See all my reviews
(TOP 1000 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)   

This review is from: The Purpose of Boys: Helping Our Sons Find Meaning, Significance, and Direction in Their Lives (Hardcover)

I've heard praise for Michael Gurian's books about boys, specifically the The Wonder of Boys, but I've never taken the time to read any of them until now. I love a good subtitle, and this one sums up the book's content quite well: Helping Our Sons Find Meaning, Significance, and Direction in Their Lives.

Michael Gurian's writing is accessible. He gives practical examples as well as the facts and figures to bolster his assertions, when needed.

Here are just a few notes of things that were new to me or helpful. Of course, to find out what they mean or how or why to use this information, you'll have to read the book:

* Helping adolsecent boys channel and discipline their energy
* Stress and boys (boys fight or flight, girls tend and befriend)
* Value of legacy -- name, namesake, family history
* Fostering healthy independence
* Why getting other trusted adults is so important in your son's life
* Why work is so valuable to a boy's development
* Training him to deal with his sexual purpose
* The role of electronic media in a boys' life

Each chapter ends with "questions of purpose" that can be used to begin a real conversation with your son. These are helpful, but I also wish that there were some concrete bullet points at the end of each chapter as well. "To help your son handle stress healthily make sure you are doing these three things NOW." But I suppose that raising up a child in the way he should go isn't that simple, is it?

This book focuses on guiding your son through adolescence, but the mindset and motivations that it teaches are philosophies that should be adopted even with your younger son. So, as my son is entering a new phase in his life (starting Kindergarten in the fall), I am glad to have read it now, as I'm first thinking about some of these topics that I never really brought gender roles into at all. This is even more relevant for me since the experience that I'm drawing on lies in parenting a girl. We all know that each child is different, but Gurian's research points to the fact that inherently boys are different from girls and because of that, there are unique strategies that should be addressed.