Customer Reviews

The Purpose of Boys: Helping Our Sons Find Meaning, Significance, and Direction in Their Lives

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I'm so glad that I read this book while my son is still pretty young. It has changed the way I see my son, interpret his words/actions, and the way I will parent him going forward. His make-believe battles with aliens, his desire to destroy whatever block building we build is all starting to make sense now.

Michael Gurian does an excellent job explaining why our sons, especially, need a purpose. With a good mix of real parenting stories and scientific evidence (about what's going on in boys' brains and bodies as they grow up), the book provides a solid case for parenting our boys differently than girls, and how practically to do it. Boys' brains and bodies are wired up differently -- this partially explains those age-old gender stereotypes (e.g. boys are project-oriented, girls are relationship-oriented; boys can usually only focus on 1 thing at a time, girls multitask, etc). But more importantly, it requires us parents to nurture/encourage/motivate them differently than we might think.

As Gurian eludes, there is a perfect storm happening against the development of boys today. And the data looks bleak. Think about this: 85% of the world's ritalin is taken by boys in America. For every 15-19 year old girl that commits suicide, there are 5.5 boys who do so in that same age range. On whole, this generation of boys in America lack purpose, doesn't work hard, is overentertained, and is overmedicated. As a result, they're checking out of education, losing their sense of self, and not motivated to engage in anything meaningful.

Given this situation, this book proposes that the key to buck the trend is to help boys find their meaningful purpose in ways friendly to boys. There's questions and conversation-starters at the end of every chapter. There's compelling stories of "troubled" boys turned around. And there's concepts that you may already be partially doing (e.g. "team parenting" where the parents serve as team leaders for the "village" of adults as they do individual parents).

Like all parenting books, take what's useful and ignore what's not. For me, the most useful section was Chapter 8 on how to re-integrate this lost idea of a "rite of passage" for boys becoming men in our culture. I also was particularly challenged by the "parent-led team" concept, whereby we parents recruit, partner up, and lead (in some sense) a whole team of educators, coaches, older relatives -- all for the sake of helping our sons find their purpose. It does take a village!

I'd highly recommend this book to anyone who has a son. Many of the concepts are probably most helpful for parents with younger sons, but parents of tween and teenagers would also find this useful.

This is a really excellent book which purports to address america's current "boy problem". Why is it that so many young boys are on Ritalin? why so many fewer boys end up completing college than girls of a similar socioeconomic status? why it appears that boys do less well in school from an early age?

What's interesting about Gurian's analysis is he doesn't simply engage in blaming -- he doesn't blame schools or teachers or the media. rather, he asks us to think a bit deeper, asking whether the role of boys and men as well as the meaning attached to being a man has changed as a result of our industrialized society. He yearns for a return to an earlier era where there were clearly defined roles, expectations and rites of passage for young boys. and yet, he's not sexist. he doesn't necessarily seek to reimpose outdated gender roles, but rather to help boys and men find a sense of purpose in life today. This work incorporates many practical suggestions for activities that parents can carry out with boys, as well as addressing the importance of mentors. this would be a useful read for any parent or school administrator.

I've heard praise for Michael Gurian's books about boys, specifically the The Wonder of Boys, but I've never taken the time to read any of them until now. I love a good subtitle, and this one sums up the book's content quite well: Helping Our Sons Find Meaning, Significance, and Direction in Their Lives.

Michael Gurian's writing is accessible. He gives practical examples as well as the facts and figures to bolster his assertions, when needed.

Here are just a few notes of things that were new to me or helpful. Of course, to find out what they mean or how or why to use this information, you'll have to read the book:

* Helping adolsecent boys channel and discipline their energy
* Stress and boys (boys fight or flight, girls tend and befriend)
* Value of legacy -- name, namesake, family history
* Fostering healthy independence
* Why getting other trusted adults is so important in your son's life
* Why work is so valuable to a boy's development
* Training him to deal with his sexual purpose
* The role of electronic media in a boys' life

Each chapter ends with "questions of purpose" that can be used to begin a real conversation with your son. These are helpful, but I also wish that there were some concrete bullet points at the end of each chapter as well. "To help your son handle stress healthily make sure you are doing these three things NOW." But I suppose that raising up a child in the way he should go isn't that simple, is it?

This book focuses on guiding your son through adolescence, but the mindset and motivations that it teaches are philosophies that should be adopted even with your younger son. So, as my son is entering a new phase in his life (starting Kindergarten in the fall), I am glad to have read it now, as I'm first thinking about some of these topics that I never really brought gender roles into at all. This is even more relevant for me since the experience that I'm drawing on lies in parenting a girl. We all know that each child is different, but Gurian's research points to the fact that inherently boys are different from girls and because of that, there are unique strategies that should be addressed.

A pat on the back...a nudge in the ribs....a kick in the pants...a 2 x 4 along the side of the head all motivated me as I read Michael Gurian's latest (and I think greatest) book about and in behalf of boys. Thank you Michael!

His reminders about the importance of the extended family, community and other guarantors brought back fond memories of my own youth and the way all these critically committed influencers contributed to helping me become a man, a father, a grandfather, a great-grandfather and now grateful gad-about in the lives of many children in my community.

THE PURPOSE OF BOYS, I think, provides the essential launching pad from which one can find hope and direction in helping our challenged young males find their way. I will be using the material to do a better job in both my educational activities and volunteer relationships...not the least of which will be the seven young men in my own family!

For the past 20 years I have been pleading with my elder-peers to take seriously our role as mentors and grandfriends to the children within our arenas of activity. Much of my plea has been without evidence and context, beyond my own observation. I have worked my way through all of Michael's writing and appreciated the thoughts, experiences and teaching of his many colleagues through careful attention to footnotes and bibliographies! The last few years have seen a lot of improvement in my arguments and invitations.

I will use the clear and compelling teaching of THE PURPOSE OF BOYS as I renew my efforts to make a difference, both in the lives of the several "families" boys need as well as a personal provider to the needs of boys.

Early in my career I sat at the feet of Lakota leaders whose descriptive term for older tribal members translated to "Wisdom Keepers". It was the traditional task of these elders to be the nurturers of the young. Late in my career I now stand before urban elders whose most common refrain is that of disassociation with children, including their own grandchildren, and it's corollary terminal loneliness.

How wonderful to have this carefully considered and marvelously communicated call to action for all of us to share!

As an educator and mother of a now 35 year old son, my one wish is..."If only I had the book earlier." Michael's style and relating of premises to the hear and now, realistically portrays what is important to the raising and educating our boys...a purpose for all of us. Segments of today's society can find a true purpose as they explore the words between the covers. I hope that others will gain the insights I have in their roles as parents, grandparents and extended family members.

I saw this book advertised in my husbands adult scouting magazine. That same evening, my son who is now 10, was upset about something from school that day and stated, "I just don't know what my purpose is". Hello! I ordered it that night and am so happy I did. Anyone with a son needs to read this book. Mr. Gurian is a very inciteful, qualified writer. His ideas are right on. As close as I am to my son, I'm still his mom and a female and will never fully understand all that goes on in the male psychy. My husband is looking forward to reading it next. Great book and a huge benefit.

This truly is one awesome book.

If you bought a very expensive car you would not dream of driving it before reading its manual.
Well if you have a priceless soul in a male body and mind, this is the book that should come in the box.
Id highly recommend this for single moms who love their sons but are rather clueless about young male hardware and software.
People working in institutions such as schools and group homes
and anyone who gives a damn about the young males in their lives.

This newest by Michael Gurian adds to his already remarkable collection of non-fiction works aimed at helping parents and educators expand our ideas and knowledge about how to raise our sons to be better, caring men. Congrats Mike, another great effort!

This is one of Gurian's best! He shows his readers that boys and girls have different physiology, psychology, and chemistry. Boys are not girls that are trained to be rough,tough, and ready. They do not need ritalin or other drugs to "calm" them. They have a nature compelling them to be boys, act like boys and to become men.
Too many "experts" are pushing parents to try to make boys think and act like girls. Gurian tells us why this is a mistake. He goes on to show why boys need to have purpose without which they will get in trouble. Then he goes on to discuss how we can help boys feel useful, develop purpose, and become successful men.
This book is a must read for ever dad, mom, grandparent, teacher, coach, and yes, every doctor. Too many pediatricians have become ingrained in the "new age thinking" which Gurian warns us about. Get this book and help every boy you know find his purpose and become a strong man of character.
Thank you Dr Gurian for this wonderful book!
Parnell Donahue, MD

I haven't finished reading the entire book yet (I'm half way through it), but this book has a already taught me a lot! It's an awesome book and a must read for mothers raising boys!!! Thank you Michael Gurian.