Customer Reviews

Put Passion First: How Sexual Chemistry is the Key to Finding and Keeping the Man of Your Dreams

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FROM FIZZLE TO SIZZLE!

This is the book I've been wanting for 30 years. Carol Cassell has finally said it out loud: Sexual attraction is hugely important. Compatiblity is important -- so are respect and communication and shared values and laughter. But dammit, so is chemistry!

In my practice as a relationship and sex therapist, every day I hear:

"We are best friends, partners, love each other hugely ... cuddle, hold hands ... but we're like brother and sister sexually. No desire for each other."

"If s/he touches me in any way that seems like it could be a sexual overture, I freeze."

"We had sex all the time when we were dating, but after we married [or after the kids, or after grad school, or after whatever whatever] we just lost interest."

AWOL libido is now the most prevailing presenting sexual problem. Sometimes in therapy we uncover psychological/interpersonal problems that get resolved. Maybe it's Yo Momma stuff, or unresolved resentment at each other, or just being overbooked and underslept. But too frequently it's a flame that flared for a while, then guttered and sputtered and finally snuffed.

While Dr. Cassell's excellent book is a cautionary tale for those not yet committed, it also offers wonderful counsel on how to fan the flames again, especially in chapters 5, 10, and 13.

This is my most-recommended book. It's a terrific adjunct to therapy and in some cases can be its replacement, which would be fine with me. I just want to see people claim and enjoy their birthright to happy, fun, bonding sex.

Roz Van Meter, author of "Put Your Big Girl Panties On and Deal With It."

I have known and worked with Dr. Cassell for a number of years. I loved her earlier books, Swept Away and Straight from the Heart. They are wise, kind, and compassionate.

The new book, Put Passion First, challenges women to think about a life partner, not only as a friend but as a lover and a sweetheart. It encourages women to reach for a relationship with some sizzle and not to be shy about that as a goal. She is funny, relevant and tells the truth.

She is the astute best friend that can chide you into answering the question, "can I make him love me if he does not want to commit"? A great book to get and to give!

PUT PASSION FIRST is the paradigm of the future. No more boring be-a-good-girl information saying that a good relationship is about what you and your partner have in common, about your being best friends, and all that other psychological hoo-hah we've been hearing for years. Author Dr. Carol Cassell, a renowned sexologist, makes it clear that for a relationship to last, it needs PASSION, particularly at the beginning. Yes, that's right girls (as if we didn't know it all along): PASSION! Her book lays out the milestones on the path of being an authentic sexual woman and shows women how to appreciate their "wild at heart" nature. PUT PASSION FIRST is science-based but warm-hearted and easy to read. I highly recommend it to women looking for a new honest approach to what does and doesn't make a relationship smoke.

Carol's new book is refreshing blend of science, stories and advice. It's a fast read -- yet full of thoughtful questions and counsel for women (and men) of any age. I especially loved the Passion Principle Cliff Notes at the end. Thank you, Carol!

As i read Dr. Cassell's book i realized that it contains valuable information primarily for females but much can be learned by the male partner. This book is well written with well researched backup and presented with a style and humor that keeps one reading. My adult son who is in a new relationship after a divorce was perusing the book and started laughing when he read the passage ,no one can ever know what goes on in someone elses head, and said "boy is that true". It is presented so well as are many passages in Cassells' book. Since I am an older person. yes even elderly, I responded well to Take Away Messages and body images---they do suck but now I just throw myself a kiss . I have purchased two books and plan to pass them on to my adult children

With Put Passion First, Dr. Carol Cassell, a major contributor to the field of women's sexual health, has written another winner. In her charming and personable writing style, Dr. Cassell has distilled the science of sexual desire into a comprehensive set of truths about how to love a man and be loved by him. She rejects the notion that sexual enthusiasm naturally dies out in a relationship and that companionate love is our long-term destiny. Instead, Dr. Cassell places sexual chemistry front and center of what keeps a couple's bond solid. Sounding very much like the wise and experienced girlfriend who can support her observations with scientific research, Dr. Cassell offers sound advice for every woman eager to understand quite a bit more about how to be happy with a man.

Carol Cassell is a wise, compassionate, informative, witty guide who can help you find the unique sources of your own sexual passion. I've been recommending her earlier book to clients for years--and this book is definitely new good news if you want to put yourself and your relationship first. The Heart and Soul of Sex: Making the ISIS Connection (Shambhala Pocket Classics)

As a leading professional in the broad field of clinical sexology and a SEX COACH, having authored 4 books [including The Art of Sex Coaching, and The Complete Idiot's Guide to Sensual Massage], I always find it refreshing to read a new twist on an old topic. Finding or keeping passion alive is often the barrier for couples who are in it for the long haul. Carol Cassell is one of those unique authors that women and couples deserve to have teach them about how to (re)kindle and/or discover their spark of passion. With the burgeoning epidemic of "sexless" marriages still plaguing far too many couples, having a handy, easy-to-read and well crafted manifesto for boosting couples' into more passion is needed. This gem of a self-help book is just that and more. It gives new ideas, forms conclusions about why passion wanes and how to get it back, and offers on-target coaching tips for having the sexlife of your dreams. I can't imagine a more upbeat way to open the mind, then the heart, then the passion factor for couples longing to energize that gateway to their intimacy and pleasure found this book. I especially found the aspects of how we fall in and out of love, the love-sex connection, the demystification of how passion, love and sex really happen in a long-term relationship, and the evidence-based foundation throughout her book to give just the right touch of smart sense for every woman and couple. Bravo, Carol!!

Patti Britton, Ph.D.
Clinical Sexologist/Sex Coach in Los Angeles
President, American Assn. of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists

This review is by Mary Sue G. (posted by carol cassell)
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In Carol Cassell's easily read book, PUT PASSION FIRST, I found chapters and passages for women of all ages.

After our children left home and my husband and I were in retirement, I realized we had no boundaries in our home, no space to be alone, to read, to write or even a quiet moment to think. The TV was always on for noise as much as for watching. I realized I wanted a more quiet lifestyle and decided we had to have boundaries. It was Cassell's book in the chapter of "Alone Together" that showed me how to make this happen. Kahil Gibran's words of "Let there be spaces in your togetherness" took on a special meaning.

My daughter, who recently survived a divorce, took an interest in the chapter, "Just Be You and Love Like You've Never Been Hurt'. She's in an exciting relationship with a loving man and is trying to do that very thing.

I gave my granddaughter, who is grieving over a lost love, Cassell's book and pointed out to her the chapter, "When He Says Those Fatal Words". After she read it, she looked at me and said, "This makes things better."

Cassell's book is down-to-earth-everyday-living. All of us, in every stage of loving, should read it.
Mary Sue G.