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Putting Children First: Proven Parenting Strategies for Helping Children Thrive Through Divorce Paperback – May 4, 2010

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Putting Children First: Proven Parenting Strategies for Helping Children Thrive Through Divorce + Two Homes + It's Not Your Fault, Koko Bear: A Read-Together Book for Parents and Young Children During Divorce (Lansky, Vicki)
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 352 pages
  • Publisher: Avery Trade; 1 edition (May 4, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1583334017
  • ISBN-13: 978-1583334010
  • Product Dimensions: 9 x 6 x 1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (54 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #14,154 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews


"I am proud to recommend Dr. JoAnne Pedro-Carroll's new book, Putting Children First: Proven Parenting Strategies for Helping Children Thrive Through Divorce. It is very readable, but incorporates a vast amount of research as well as the author's own extensive clinical experience. Today, when so many children suffer the problems created by their parent's divorce, parents and the professionals who work with them during the transitions relating to divorce will find this book a great guide to helping their children cope more successfully."
-Robert J. Haggerty, M.D. former president of The W. T. Grant Foundation and The American Academy of Pediatrics

"Putting Children First provides an abundance of useful information for parents who are divorced, thinking about divorce, or in the process of divorcing. JoAnne Pedro-Carroll is a highly respected psychologist, researcher, and developer of programs for children. She draws on scientific research as well as her own clinical experience to provide clear guidelines for parents based on the best available evidence about what works. I strongly recommend this book to parents as well as mental health and legal professionals who work with children from divorced families."
-Paul R. Amato, Arnold and Bette Hoffman Professor of Family Sociology and Demography, Pennsylvania State University

"This book provides tremendously valuable insight and information about a child's thoughts and feelings and practical advice to parents, counselors and therapists dealing with the trauma accompanying divorce proceedings. Dr. Pedro- Carroll describes the fears and concerns of children and clearly articulates a sensitive way for parents to approach these issues so that families can move forward with their lives in a healthy way."
-Judge Sondra Miller, Director, NYS Unified Court System Office of Matrimonial and Family Law, and former Justice, Appellate Division of the NYS Supreme Court.

"By listening to children and combining a quarter-century of experience with the results of extensive research, Dr. Pedro-Carroll shares invaluable insights into the thoughts and feelings of children who experience what they often call "my divorce."...The guidance offered by this book is unique because it is based on an exceptional knowledge of what goes on in the minds of children and because of the blended sensitivity and pragmatism of the author."
-Lawrence F. Nazarian, MD, Clinical Professor of Pediatrics, University of Rochester School of Medicine & Dentistry

"I have known JoAnne Pedro-Carroll personally and professionally for over 20 years. She clearly is one of the country's top divorce experts. She stands alone in her combination of ground breaking research, keen clinical insights, and unmatched sensitivity to children's struggles through divorce. Her reputation alone will garner great interest in the book. Her knowledge and emotional understanding will surely keep this book on the shelves of divorced parents, therapists, lawyers, and bookstores for years to come."
-Robert E. Emery, Professor of Psychology

About the Author

Joanne Pedro-Carroll, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, researcher, therapist, and clinical associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Rochester Medical Center. Dr. Pedro-Carroll founded and directed the Children of Divorce Intervention Program and her work has earned numerous awards including the American Psychological Association's Award for Distinguished Contributions in Public Service. She has been married for thirty years and is the mother of seven children and stepchildren. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Customer Reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
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I highly recommend this book to anyone who is going through a separation or divorce.
M. Wilkens
The third group who will be informed by Dr. Pedro-Carroll's book are students preparing for careers working with families.
Joyce B. DeVoge
This book provides the tools for parents to help their children through this process.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

16 of 16 people found the following review helpful By Gail Ferraioli on July 1, 2010
Format: Paperback
JoAnne Pedro-Carroll has brought together sound research, personal experience and the insights from her practice to enlighten parents and professionals alike. Putting Children First imparts wisdom of the highest order - that which responds to the hearts of children who were brave enough to voice their needs and struggles when their parents separated or divorced. With clarity and compassion, this book informs the receptive reader how to take care of themselves and their children to protect their long-term health and well-being. In my practice as a mediator, I have already recommended this outstanding book to my clients. It is a contribution of utmost caring to parents who are struggling to maintain sense and sensibilities in the midst of emotional upheaval and a guide to preserve stability and demonstrate their deepest love for their children.
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19 of 20 people found the following review helpful By Jennifer, A Concerned Mom on January 16, 2012
Format: Paperback
I have searched for help dealing with a break up I didn't want, or see coming. I was blindsided and devastated. I have 3 beautiful children and knew I needed help. There was plenty of advice from well meaning friends and family but nothing really made a difference. The I found Dr. Pedro-Carroll's book, "Putting Children First" and it transformed my thinking and my life. Her suggestions for a more businesslike relationship with my ex helped me heal. There are so many ideas for reassuring and communicating with children that have brought my children and me closer together in understanding than ever before. This book is a MUST READ for any parent. There are plenty of great ideas for raising strong healthy children, whether you're divorced, single or married. My children and I could not have come through all the changes as well without this excellent book.
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23 of 27 people found the following review helpful By James Connell on September 19, 2010
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This outstanding book treats the challenge divorce presents to parents with respect, but not alarm. Dr. Pedro-Carroll does not spare the reader the harmful consequences a badly handled divorce can have for children. However, in every chapter, the author lays out clear and feasible options that all parents can draw on to help them and their children make it through divorce successfully.

This book speaks to a wide range of audiences -- parents, grandparents, mental health and legal professionals as well as folks like myself with friends and family members who face the challenge of divorce. Throughout the book, author's use of the research literature is clear and convincing. The case studies she uses are pointed, poignant and highly instructive. I feel like I "know" some of the people she describes; and I deeply appreciate the empathy and understanding the author brings to their situations.

Readers can open this book to any page or read it from front to back. In either case, you'll learn something important and useful about what it means and what it takes for parents and children to "make it" through this difficult transition.
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10 of 10 people found the following review helpful By Rita Izzo LCSWR on September 5, 2011
Format: Paperback
Having worked with children and families for almost thirty years I have read and recommended many self help books for the divorcing couple. Never have I seen any of them address specifics on visitation schedules for high divorce couples. We can't just keep telling people they have to get along for the sake of the children. This book looks at the reality that many divorces are and may remain high conflict and makes specific recommendations for those couples as well as cooperative parents. Fantastic to see this kind of detail!
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful By Dr. Ellen Nakhnikian on September 6, 2011
Format: Paperback
If you are a divorcing or separating parent who wants excellent, research based information on how to help your child or children through the divorce process and after, and you want your information in one place, this is the book for you. An added bonus - the book is written in plain English with many vignettes about real children and families. The author is a clinical psychologist who specializes in helping parents and children in separating and divorcing families. She is also a researcher so she is able to combine her research-based knowledge with decades of clinical experience working with children and their parents. I can't think of another author in the field who combines such sensitivity to children with both clinical and research expertise, and who writes so clearly. This book is outstanding.

Dr. Pedro-Carroll covers questions separating or divorcing parents often have, including how to tell the children, what kinds of time sharing plans are best for children of different ages and depending on the conflict level between the parents, how to reduce conflict with the other parent, what to look for to see if your child needs extra support, and much more. The chapters are clearly labeled so you can read the whole book or skip to the part that particularly interests you.

The book is equally informative for professionals working with children and families who are going through a separation or divorce - attorneys, mediators, mental health professionals, financial analysts and teachers. It provides a wealth of information in an accessible, concise manner.

As a psychologist who works with separating and divorcing families, I keep several copies of Putting Children First in my office.
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